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Dirty Jokes Friday Funnies #308

Todays Friday Funnies is all about dirty jokes. People usually refer to them as AO jokes or Adults Only Jokes. I know we are trying to protect our kid’s innocence and all by keeping them away from dirty jokes, but truthfully, I learnt most of my dirty jokes from my schoolmates.

Anyway, I’m going to start my dirty jokes post with my latest, really funny Adults Only jokes video.

Two Really Funny Dirty Jokes

dirty jokesNaturally, I warned my viewers that my video contained adults-only material. I also used The Creator, probably my best blogging and YouTube investment ever, to create my YouTube thumbnail to ensure viewers could not mistake the adults-only content.

If you haven’t already subscribed to my YouTube channel, you can do so here.

The first of my dirty jokes is all about this bloke and his weird fetish with a pickle slicer.

Stan has worked in a pickle factory for years. One day after an unusually long day at work he confesses to his wife that he had this unbearable compulsion! For some time now he’s had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

Aghast his wife suggested that he should discuss this terrible urge with a sex therapist. Stan looked horrified. No way was he going to a therapist as it would be way too embarrassing. Nope, he vowed to overcome this compulsion on his own.

A few weeks later, Stan comes home unexpectedly early, looking white as a ghost. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What’s wrong, Stan? What’s happened?” she asked with much concern.

“Do you remember when I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”

“Shit, Stan, you didn’?”

“Yes, I did.”

“My God, Stan, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Stan. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh…she got fired too.

Ha, ha. Got you with that one, didn’t I?

Finally, something from Sexy Sal.

sexy sals dirty joke

OK, that wasn’t really dirty, but it was pretty funny.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Wanting more laughs? Check out the rest of my Friday Funnies.

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More Blonde Jokes Friday Funnies #258

I always look forward to Friday Funnies because I always get a laugh out of it and I hope that my readers do as well. A couple of Friday Funnies ago I wrote about a blonde that wasn’t so dumb. That post was pretty popular. We all know the smart blonde jokes wasn’t going to last though, didn’t we? :tongue_laugh_ee: What I mean by that is, its time for even more blonde jokes.

More Blonde Jokes The Heart Attack

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

‘What’s up?’ she asks.

‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ – cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, “Mummy, Mummy, Aunt Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe, and she has no clothes on”

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband. She rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor. ‘You rotten Bitch’, she screams. ‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!!’ :lol_tb:

Pretty bloody good huh?

Although the following video has nothing to do with more blonde jokes I’m sure you’re going to love it.

Yeah, that janitor was an absolute genius.

Ok, now we’re going to have a look at a redhead joke.

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

‘Impossible!’ says the doctor. ‘Show me.’

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed. She then pushed her ankle and screamed. Every time she touched a body part it made her scream.

The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?

‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’

‘I thought so,’ the doctor said. ‘Your finger is broken.’

OK, I lied, it was a blonde joke. :smoke_tb:

To finish off, a word from everyone’s favourite, Sexy Sal’s blonde Jokes!

More blonde jokes that make youn laugh

Remember, you can always get more laughs by reading some really funny sports jokes.

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Another Blonde Joke Friday Funnies #182

There are so many blonde jokes out there I said to myself why not another blonde joke. I figured people out there loved blonde jokes and that being the case they deserved another blonde joke to make them laugh.

Another Blonde Joke To Make You Laugh

A contestant, Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover..

It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well, blonde. But she had no alternative.

She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly : ‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

‘I need an answer,’ said Meredith.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’

‘Is that your final answer?’

‘Yes, that is my final answer.’

And Meredith replied, ‘That answer is…. Absolutely correct!

You are now a millionaire!’

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

‘Joni, I just do not know how to thank you,’ said the contestant.
‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’

‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde…
‘Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.’

Sally fainted………………………

Of course what’s the point of having another blonde joke if we didn’t get Sexy Sal to make another blonde joke contribution.

Another Blonde joke

And to top off this weeks Friday Funnies I have another blonde joke from Sexy Sal and her mate.

Another funny blonde joke

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you got a kick out of it. I know I did. Don’t forget to brighten up a friends day by sharing this joke with them. You’ll find the social media icons at the bottom and on the side of this post.

Have a great weekend!

Funny Monkey Friday Funnies #84

Man.I don’t know about you but that was one hell of a week. I understand the necessity of maintaining a wage budget but not when they screw you so much you haven’t got the time to fill the shelves and process the back stocks so you don’t have to waste stuff because they’ve gone past the expiry date. It’s particularly hard when two staff members are on holidays, one is a newbie who’s carton rate is bloody dismal the rest of us have to take up the slack.

Too bad we can’t train a bunch of monkeys to help us fill the shelves, but then again management would probably complain about the amount of bananas they would eat. Speaking of monkeys, check out the following joke, the first part of this weeks friday funnies.

The Hungry Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey.   The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, “Did you see what your Monkey just did?”
“No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table…whole!” Read the rest of this entry

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