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Grandparents Friday Funnies #315

GrandparentsThis week’s Friday Funnies is for all those beautiful, loving grandparents.

What Kids Think Of Grandparents

  • Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.
  • A grandfather is a man, and a grandmother is a lady.
  • Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
  • When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
  • They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on ‘cracks’.
  • Grandparents don’t say, ‘hurry up.’
  • Usually, grandmothers are fat but not to fat to tie your shoes.
  • They wear glasses and funny underwear.
  • They can take their teeth and gums out.
  • Grandparents don’t have to be smart.
  • They have to ask questions like ‘Why isn’t God married?’ and ‘How come dogs chase cats?’
  • When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
  • Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
  • They know we should have a snack time before bedtime, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.
  • Grandpa is the smartest man on earth. He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him.
  • It’s funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

If you think is funny why not share it with other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone because it will make their day.

Want more laughs? Check out the rest of my Friday Funnies.

Or you could check out my Adults Only jokes or my funniest Little Johnny Jokes.

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Virgin Jokes Friday Funnies #314

Todays Friday Funnies #314 is about some really funny virgin jokes. The first of my virgin jokes is about a bloke called Rocco who wants to know a test for virginity.

Virgin Jokes: A Virgin On Her Wedding Night

Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her, “Don’t worry, Maria, Tony’s a good man… Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you. Meanwhile, I’ll be making pasta.”

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother, ‘all good men have hairy chests! Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his trousers exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

“Mama, Mama, Tony took off his trousers and he’s got hairy legs!”

“Don’t worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man, go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot, he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, Mama, Tony’s only got a foot and a half!”

Her Mama said, “Stay here Maria and stir the pasta. Mama will see to this Tony of yours!”

Yeah, good one Mama,  :tongue_laugh_ee:

For my next virgin jokes, I put something together with the Creator7!

Virgin Jokes: The Virginity Test

The Virginity Test Virgin Jokes

OK, if that’s not enough laughs for you, how about my really funny adults only joke. If that’s not enough you should check out the rest of my Friday Funnies jokes.

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Friday Funnies has a lot of senior citizen jokes because they either do funny stuff or they use their wit to belittle the young whippersnappers of the day. One such senior citizen joke was called Senior Jokes over a year ago. I thought it was about time I came up with some more senior citizen jokes.

Senior Citizen Jokes And Technology

This young bloke attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. ‘You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one, ‘the young bloke said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. ‘The young people of today are much more advanced than people your age. We grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, a man walking on the moon and the internet. We have cell phones, nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers, automated manufacturing, amazing. Technologies, …and,’ paused to take another drink of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in his litany and said, ‘You’re right, son. We didn’t have those things when we were young Which is why we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are YOU doing for the next generation?’

The applause was resounding… I love senior citizens.

Senior citizen jokes

Now, you all know that I get all my Friday Funnies jokes from emails people send me. Not this next one though. I found the following of my senior citizen jokes here.

The Perfect Marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick, and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back the tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had just been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh,” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

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Everybody loves political satire because it makes fun of our politicians. And because most people don’t think much of our politician’s political satire is very popular.

Today’s political satire involves the current Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull.

Aussie Political Satire

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull walks into a local bank in Point Piper to cash a cheque. He is surrounded by Protective Security Officers. As he approaches the teller, he says, “Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Teller: “It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

Turnbull: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Malcolm Turnbull, the Prime Minister of Australia !!!!”

Teller: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of the war on terror, imposters, forgers, money laundering, the GFC, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”

Turnbull: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am, and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

Teller: “I am sorry Mr Prime Minister but these are the bank rules, and I must follow them.”

Turnbull: “I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque. I need to buy a gift for Lucy for Valentine’s Day.”

Teller: “Look, Mr Prime Minister, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Greg Norman came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Greg Norman he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot, we knew him to be Greg Norman and cashed his cheque.”

“Another time, Pat Rafter came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot, we cashed his cheque.

So, Mr Prime Minister, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the Prime Minister of Australia?”

Turnbull: Turnbull stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank…there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do, and I don’t have a clue.”

Teller: “50’s and 20’s be OK, Mr. Prime Minister?

political satire
Finally, if you want to see some of my funny videos just click that link.

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