People just love jokes that make you laugh. It’s because they love jokes that make you laugh so much that my Friday Funnies series is so popular. Believe it or not it’s now the most popular topic on this blog bringing more traffic than any other topic.
I’m hoping that todays Friday Funnies post will continue the jokes that make you laugh tradition.
To start off I have a really funny cartoon to show you.
Exercise Jokes That Make You Laugh
THE BOTTLE OF WINE & WISDOM
The next one is for all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you were not married! This is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine.
Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Fred tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Fred.
“What in bag?”- asked the old man.
Fred looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said: – “Good trade!”
Do you remember the Mary had a little lamb nursery rhyme? Here is a version that is a little different.
How about the Mary had a little lamb one?
Then there is always Humpty Dumpty,
Finally, have you ever heard the term being up shit creek without a paddle? Well apparently it actually exists! Or so the email I got the other day says. Apparently It is just outside Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA.
Somehow you just always knew it was out there … somewhere.
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. Promise me you will never look in it.”
All their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hillary was shocked, but thought, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. And since I know he’s addicted to sex, three times is not too bad.” She said, “OK Bill, I guess I can forgive you.
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.”
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling centre.”
All jokes aside I’m rooting for Hillary to win the Presidency because I think it would be a real joke if Trump won not to mention an utter catastrophe.
On a brighter note, what one little girl said when asked what her father did.
I’ve done a few old geezer jokes, although I didn’t refer to them as old geezer jokes. Nope, I was more respectful and referred to them as elderly or something. For the purpose of this post they’re old geezer joke just in case someone searches for ‘Old Geezer joke’.
Medical Old Geezer Joke
A local G.P., now an old geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:
“Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Get your treatment for £500, if not cured, get back £1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get £1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: Aaagh! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be £500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, – that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be £500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost £1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak – I can hardly see anything!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your £1000 back..” (giving him a £10 note)”
Dr. Young: “But this is only £10!
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be £500.”
Moral of story – Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”!
Don’t try it on with old people!
We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.
That’s something that is common in all my old geezer jokes, these geezers have lived a long time and learned a lot of shit, so don’t piss them off
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