Biker Jokes Friday Funnies #164

I know this is supposed to be a Friday Funnies post, and that it’s supposed to be about Biker jokes, but I have this very touching story to tell you first. It’s all about that very special last kiss.

It happened back on January 9th. A group of Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge.

George, their leader, a burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby…..whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn’t want to appear ‘sensitive’, George also didn’t want to miss this ‘be-a-legend’ opportunity either so he asked…”Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe… Why don’t you give ole George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation, she leaned back over the railing and gave old George a long, deep, lingering kiss followed by another even BETTER one.

When they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

More Biker Jokes

biker jokes

This guy buys a secondhand Harley Davidson and comments on how the bike and the chrome in particular was in such good condition. He then asks how he has managed to keep it in such pristine condition, to which the owner replied that if he ever thought that it was about to rain he would rub Vaseline on the chrome to protect it from the rain.

The next night he rides over to his girlfriend’s house for dinner. Being the first time that he has gone over she meets him on the doorstep.

‘Hey Stud’ she whispers, ‘I gotta tell you something before you go in. ‘During dinner we don’t talk and anyone who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.’

‘No problem’ he says as they go in.

He is shocked at the amount of unwashed dishes stacked everywhere. There are stacks in the living room, the family room and even on the stairs. Everywhere he looks he sees dirty dishes. As they sit down for dinner he notices that no-one was saying a word. As the dinner was progressing he thought that he may as well take advantage of the situation so he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. Not a word is said, so he decided to play with her breasts and still nothing. Taking the bull by the horns, he stands her up, strips her naked and has passionate sex with her leaning over the dinner table and still no-one says a word.

The biker looks over at the mother and thinking that she was looking pretty hot he decided to have his way with her as well and still nothing. He then notices a few raindrops hitting the tin roof and quickly whips out the jar of Vaseline so that he could take care of his new Harley, when suddenly the father stands up and shouts, ‘All right, all right! I’ll do the bloody dishes!’

And finally, just to finish this weeks Friday Funnies Biker Jokes I have the following biker joke image.

biker joke image

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Aussie Jokes Friday Funnies #163


Aussie Jokes Are Funny

Aussie jokesI love Aussie jokes because Aussie jokes can be so bloody funny. I’ve posted a few Aussie jokes in my Friday Funnies series. They include Aussie Humour & Sexy Sals Blonde Joke. Then there was Friday Funnies #42 Some Real Aussie Humour and a smattering of other really funny Aussie Jokes.

The first funny Aussie jokes takes place at work where a couple of Aussie mates decided to experiment with some highly volotile liquid.  :drunk_tb:

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked  as  aircraft  mechanics  in Melbourne, Australia . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in  the  hangar  with nothing to do.Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had  something to drink!’  

Jim  says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel  and  get   buzz. You  wanna try it?’  

So  they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane  booze  and  get completely smashed. The  next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good  he  feels. In  fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side  effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.  Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel  this  morning?’

Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’

Jim  says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a  hangover?’  

Dave  says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover,  nothing.  We  ought to do this more often..’

‘ Yeah, well there’s just one  thing.’  

‘What’s  that?’

‘Have you farted yet?’

‘No.’

‘Well,  DON’T – cause I’m in New  Zealand!

funny Aussie jokes

Our next funny Aussie joke takes place at work. You’re going to love this one.

Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, ‘Someone should go and tell his wife.’
Jeff says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Ricky says, ‘Where did you get that, Jeff?’
‘Shane’s wife gave it to me.’

Ricky continues, ‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?’

‘Well not exactly,’ Jeff said. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Shane’s widow”.’
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’

And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are.’

Now, that’s a typical Aussie, will bet on almost anything.

Looking for more funny jokes? Check out my funny sports jokes.

 

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Senior Citizens Jokes Friday Funnies #162

This is my 162nd Friday Funnies post! I never thought I would be able to keep it going that long  :drunk_tb: Way back at Friday Funnies #111 I wrote a series of Elderly Jokes. I thought it was time to do another one but this time, for SEO reasons  :cheesey: I’m going to call it senior citizens jokes.

 Senior Citizen Jokes That Make You Laugh

Senior Citizen Joke #1:

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one gentleman, a senior citizen, already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

Senior Citizen Jokes

Created with the Logo Creator

Senior Citizen Joke #2:

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This  woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

I know they say priorities change when you become a senior citizen but come on, being able to drive is more important than sex!  :dont_know:

Senior Citizen Joke 2

Another great job by the Logo Creator

And finally, to finish off this weeks Friday Funnies I have one last senior citizen joke for you.

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

Now , before you ‘forget’, share them with your friends who you know could use a good laugh.  :thumbup_ee:

Want more laughs? Check out my funniest sports jokes.

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