50 Shades Of Grey Friday Funnies #151

Have you ever heard of 50 Shades Of Grey? Apparently it’s a erotic romance novel by British Author E.L. James. I’ve never read it but I hear it was really popular. I reckon what made 50 Shades Of Grey so popular had more to do with the erotica than it did with the romance side of it.

That’s why I got a little excited when I got this short version of 50 Shades Of Grey in my email.

Short Version Of 50 Shades Of Grey

Back and forth . . . . back and forth . . . .
In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . .  she let out a piercing scream . . . .
She shouted . . . .

“OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can’t parallel park . . . .
You do it . . . . !!”

Not quite what you expected was it?  :tongue_laugh_ee: Short of reminded me of this poem about a another passionate encounter I wrote about some time ago.

50 Shades Of Grey

 I found the little meme about 50 Shades Of Grey on the internet that I thought was quite fitting for this post. I reckon there may be some truth to it too. :wink_ee:

To finish off this weeks Friday Funnies I’m going to give you a bit of childhood innocence. I found it cute and funny.

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

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Political Humour Friday Funnies #150

For today’s Friday Funnies I thought I would write about a little political humour. As usual I got the following bit of political humour in my email. I’m constantly amazed how some people can come up with some of this stuff. It’s really quite witty.

Political Humour 2015

WELCOME to 2015:
 
• Our Phones – Wireless

• Cooking – Fireless

• Cars – Keyless

• Food – Fatless

• Tires –Tubeless

• Dress – Sleeveless

• Youth – Jobless

• Leaders – Shameless

• Relationships – Meaningless

• Attitudes – Careless

• Babies – Fatherless

• Feelings – Heartless

• Education – Valueless

• Children – Mannerless

• Country – Godless
 
We are SPEECHLESS,
Government is CLUELESS,
 
And our Politicians are WORTHLESS !
 
I’m scared – Shitless!!

The thing with most political humour is that not everybody finds them funny. It all depends on which side of the political fence you’re sitting on. That being the case it’s pretty hard trying to find political humour that someone won’t find offensive. Luckily I fount the following cartoon that I reckon almost everyone would agree with.

political humour

That image has a hell of a lot of truth in it. It never ceased to amaze me how politicians never have to tighten their belts but the rest of the country has to.

While there are probably a lot of honest politicians out there I’m sure there are also some shady ones as well. Have you ever wondered how some companied win government contracts? I know there are times when a lot of people are left scratching their heads after some contracts are one. A lot of the time it doesn’t include local businesses and other times you know they could have done better with the price.

I wonder if maybe the following joke has some truth in it?

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

And that my loyal readers is the end of another Friday Funnies. I sure hope you enjoyed this weeks political humour.

Continue here…

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A Woman’s Revenge Friday Funnies #149

I found this next story about a woman’s revenge quite amusing. It’s not just any woman either, it was the mother of a bride. I’m sure if you’re of the female persuasion you will appreciate this story.

A Woman’s Revenge At The Wedding

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.

Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, And I’m wearing it, she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

 A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

 Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear… I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.”

Yep, a woman’s revenge alright! Man, women can be just bitches  :devil_tb:

While we’re talking about women, I found this little piece where a woman is compared to a phone.

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

Or how about the one where they compare women to angels.

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings….We simply continue to fly …. on a broomstick…..We are flexible like that.

Somehow I don’t think it was a woman who came up with that one  :tongue_laugh_ee:

And, have you ever wondered about all those cravings that pregnant women get?

A woman's revenge

That’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies. Have a great weekend.

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