Old Age Humour Friday Funnies #138

I think its time for some more Old Age Humour for this weeks Friday Funnies.

Old Age Humour #1

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

Old Age humour

Old Age Humour #2

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds
Her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in
My hand can have sex with me tonight!”

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”

Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

Old age humour1

Old Age Humour #3

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Vernon, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

Old age humour2

While the following video has nothing to do with old age humour it does have other stuff in it that screamed at me to include it in this weeks Friday Funnies. That’s sexy women and the fact that it’s bloody funny. I especially loved the second prank.

Which part of the video did you like the best?

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014

How To Create A Reflection Of An Image

how to create a reflection of an image1

Have you ever wanted to create a reflection of an image? I have but it was all too hard. I found out you could do it with Photoshop but there was so many steps involved in the couple of videos I looked at I just couldn’t be bothered. Besides, not everyone has or can afford Photoshop. Adobe Photoshop & Premiere Elements 13 will set you back over $133! Not so the Logo Creator which is what I used for this tutorial and to create the image above.

How To Create A Reflection Of An Image Tutorial

I was wondering whether or not this could be done with the Logo Creator when the guy who made the software posted a tutorial on how to create reflections with it. I simply adapted it so I could create a reflection of an image.

As you can see from the tutorial it was really a very simple process to create a reflection of an image using the Logo Creator.

Considering how cheap the software is it would make the perfect addition to every serious online marketer. Check out my post on Investing In Your Business to see some of the great specials on offer for the Logo Creator.

You can see the actual header I created in the tutorial on the special page I created for Fortuna my Lady Luck Of Sports! Speaking of which I love the way Flexsqueeze allows me to have different headers for different pages. Come to think of it, I actually made a video tutorial oh How You Can Have A Different Header For Every Page Of Your Blog.

A special thanks goes to Brian Hawkins of Hot Blog Tips for being the first to comment on and share the How To Make A Reflection of an Image video. Brian has actually written a really cool post on a Free Table Of Contents Plugin. This is for those of you who write really long posts.

I hope you liked the tutorial on how to create a reflection of an image. Have you ever wanted to be able to create a reflection of an image?

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014

Fried Eggs Joke Friday Funnies #137

Who would have thought that a joke about fried eggs could be funny. I certainly didn’t. Not until I got this one in my email yesterday.

Making Fried Eggs Causes Stress

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into Fried Eggs Jokethe kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them.. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

Man, until I read this I just didn’t realise how stressful making fried eggs could be.  :cool:

Irish Mail Order Women

Irish Mail Order Brides

Finally, as a wine drinker, I would like to post something that shows why a glass of wine is so much better than a glass of water.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine. And to those of you who don’t and are always
seen with a bottle of water in your hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine or beer (or tequila, gin, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I’m doing it as a public service!

I still thanked the guy who sent me the email. :drunk_tb:

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014
About Peter Pelliccia"