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Funny Irish Jokes Friday Funnies #302

You all know I love funny Irish jokes, right? I also know I’m not the only one who likes funny Irish jokes. That’s why funny Irish jokes occur so often on this blog, to appease my avid readers. Two of my more favourite funny Irish jokes include Sexy Sal’s Blonde Joke & Irish Humor FF #62, way back in 2013 and more recently Irish Jokes That Make You Laugh Friday Funnies #279!

Today’s funny Irish jokes takes place in a Dublin surgery. (Just so you know, Grammarly tells me that I should drop the ‘s’ in takes but you guys all know that’s for SEO purposes right?)

Funny Irish Jokes That Makes You Laugh

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had indigestion, and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir,” says Murphy.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door flies open, and a gorgeous young woman bursts in, so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts:

‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!’

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.”

Naturally, I can’t complete a Funny Fridays post without my customary The Creator creation.  :smoke_tb:

funny Irish jokes

Finally, I have a Funny Irish jokes video for you as well.

For those of you who don’t know YouTube have changed the rules for small YouTubers such as myself. You can read about that here. I need more subscribers to help me meet their new target. You can help by subscribing to my channel. let me know in the comments that you’ve done so and I will subscribe to your channel.

I know it’s a Friday Funnies post, but I’m posting it today, Thursday, because I have some stuff to do tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to work for a living.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

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Famous Einstein Quote Friday Funnies #301

Apparently, there has been a famous Einstein quote that’s been floating around the net for some years now. I got it in the email today, and I found it quite amusing. Which is why it’s made it into this weeks Friday Funnies.

It all has to do with how the mobile phone is destroying society and has several images to support the fact. First, you’re presented with the photos and then finally you’re given the famous Einstein quote!

Preceding The Famous Einstein Quote

Famous Einstein Quote

Newlyweds planning their honeymoon.

Famous Einstein Quote

A day at the beach.

Famous Einstein Quote

Having dinner with your mates. What ripping conversation!

Famous Einstein Quote

Out on an intimate date.

Famous Einstein Quote

Having a conversation with your best mate.

Famous Einstein Quote

Visiting the museum.

Famous Einstein Quote

I know that Albert Einstein was one super smart bloke, but I had my doubts as to whether or not he came up with this quote. So, did Albert Einstein come up with the quote, “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots?” Apparently not as can be attested by this website.

Now, I can’t just leave you without giving you what I believe to be a hilarious joke.

Woman Farts In BMW Dealership

Jenna walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the beautiful leather upholstery, she mistakenly farts out loud.

Feeling very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesman doesn’t pop up right now.

As Jenna turns around, her worst nightmare comes to pass in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool like Johnny Depp and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madame. How may I help you today?”

Feeling very uncomfortable, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, Jenna asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely car?”

The salesman answers, “Madam if you farted just touching it, you are going to absolutely shit yourself when I tell you the price.”

If you’re looking for more laughs you should check out these really funny Little Johnny jokes.

 

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Magician Jokes

Today’s Friday Funnies is all to do with magician jokes. The first of the magician jokes takes place on a cruise ship and involves a smart arse parrot. I’ve featured parrot jokes on WassupBlog before like the parrot jokes one for example.

Magician Jokes Cruise Style

A magician was working on a Caribbean cruise ship. As every week he had a different, the magician thought it would be easier to do the same tricks over and over again. Unfortunately, he didn’t take into account the captain’s parrot.

You see, the captain’s parrot sat in on the weekly shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was pretty pissed but couldn’t do anything because he knew the parrot belonged to the captain.

One day there was this huge storm which caused the ship to sink. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean. He wasn’t at all happy to find he shared it with the annoying parrot.

They stared at each other with hate but did not utter a word. The silence went on for day after day. After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?

During another magic show, one of the audience thought he would have a bit of interaction with the magician. It all came about after a particularly spectacular magic trick. A man from the back of the room yelled, “How’d you do that?”

“I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, “But then I’d have to kill you.”

After a short pause, the man yelled back, “Ok, then… just tell my wife!”…

I found the next joke on jokeoverflow.com.

magician jokes

If you thought that was funny, you should check out my Top 10 Little Johnny Memes!

Also, I’m looking for YouTube subscribers. This post explains why I’m looking for YouTube subscribers. You can help me by subscribing to my YouTube Channel.

 

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Kiwi Castaway Friday Funnies #299

Today’s Friday Funnies is all about a Kiwi castaway and Scarlet Johanson.

Kiwi Castaway & Scarlett Johansson

Kiwi Castaway & Scarlett JohanssonA Kiwi castaway washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. The only other survivors were a sheep and a sheepdog.They were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, the Kiwi castaway got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely kiwi castaway. Soon he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Scarlet Johanson. Many weeks passed by. Then one evening there was a truly amazing sunset. That evening, the man brought Scarlet to the beach to watch the sunset. It amazingly beautiful, red sky, cirrus clouds and a warm and gentle breeze. A perfect night for romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but finally gave in and leaned over to Scarlet and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.

Scarlet batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?

He said, ‘Can you take the dog for a walk?’

I’m sure this is an old joke that some Aussie has doctored to poke fun at the Kiwis. In case you don’t get it, people around here have been making fun of the Kiwi’s and their fascination for sheep for years.

On a more important note, you should check out my latest video about Formula 1 banning grid girls. What a travesty. I wrote about it as well, the post is called Formula1 Bans Grid Girls. Or, if you’re looking for more laughs, see the rest of my Friday Funnies.

 

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