Todays Friday Funnies is not a joke as such, but a whimsical look how some words that have been part of our vocabulary seem to be disappearing. It seems such a shame too because some of them are so ‘picturesque’? They sort of just rolled off your tongue. I’m not quite sure of the word to use. Maybe one of you guys can help me out.
LOST WORDS OF OUR YOUTH
Heavens to Murgatroyd!
Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?
Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really!
The other day a not so elderly (65) (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy
and he looked at her quizzically and said “What the heck is a Jalopy?
Oh, Oh a new phrase! He never heard of the word jalopy!!
She knew she was old but not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle.
About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.
These phrases included “Don’t touch that dial,” “Carbon copy,”
“You sound like a broken record” and “Hung out to dry.”
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie.
We’d put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy!
We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley,
and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill.
Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be swell,
but when’s the last time anything was swell?
Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.
and of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers.
Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn’t anymore.
We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap,
and before we can say, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle! or,
This is a fine kettle of fish! we discover that the words we grew up with,
the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely
a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind
We blink, and they’re gone. Where have all those phrases gone?
Long gone: Pshaw,
The milkman did it.
Hey! It’s your nickel.
Don’t forget to pull the chain.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Going like sixty.
I’ll see you in the funny papers.
Don’t take any wooden nickels.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.
This can be disturbing stuff !
We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeable times.
For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.
We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage
of remembering there are words that once did not exist
and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage
and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory.
It’s one of the greatest advantages of aging.
See ya later, alligator!
And now for a few real laughs. I love this next video, which apparently is a commercial of some kind. What I love about it is it shows how women have the same sort of drive that blokes have when it comes to perving.
As I mentioned in my previous post my latest need for mobile speed was brought on by my good mate Mitch’s post. You’ll find links to his exceptional posts about his search for improving mobile speed in my previous post. Mobile speed is important to me because I need to keep Google happy in order to get a good listing in their search engines.
Having to please Google now makes me laugh with the knowledge of previous posts such as Google Sucks and Does Google Control Your Blog. There are a whole lot of other posts where I have a go at Google but this one is about why mobile speed is important not about Google’s many failings.
As you can see, the results were not as good as my easy Sports Betting blog but it was the best I could do. I’m more than happy that everything was in the green.
Apart from keeping Google happy mobile speed is important if you’re at all interested in making money online. This is because, and Google knows this, more and more people are accessing the internet via their smart phones. I think you will find this article on mobile marketing statistics very interesting. If a site is too sluggish people these days won’t wait to let it load. They’re going to look elsewhere and those sites that haven’t bothered with mobile speed miss out. Better for the rest of us right?
Hosting Is Important For Mobile Speed
Once again, while there is a vast improvement, its still not as good as my sports site. I played around with settings for ages and then it hit me. They’re hosted on a shared hosting site whereas my sports betting blog is hosted with Inmotion hosting, a VPS host!
One of the problems I was having with these two blogs was that the leverage caching wasn’t working. This is something that my caching plugin handle so well previously. After a lot of wall banging I contacted support and they were kind enough to edit my .htaccess file. Thanks to all the guys at Greengeeks.
Mobile Speed Is Affected By Plugins
You may not know this but too many plugins or the wrong plugins can really affect your speed. Some plugins are so poorly designed that having them activated can slow down your blog to a virtual crawl. On the other hand, some plugins, like caching plugins, are essential for mobile speed. Another plugin I found that improved the mobile speed of some of my blogs is Widget Options. This plugin allowed me to select which widgets showed up when the blog was accessed by a mobile user. You can even select whether they showed up on the home page for desktop users. This way you also speed up your home page.
As you can see the results for my Loving Memorial blog was exceptional. While this blog was also hosted on Greengeeks it has the least amount of plugins installed which simply proves my last point.
Did I mention the importance of themes at all? I should have because the theme you’re using may be what is slowing you down.
Forrest Gump goes to heaven? Can you imaging the day that the legendary Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven? I have to admit Tom Hanks character in Forrest Gump was brilliant. One can only imagine the hilarity if they did a followup of Forrest Gump goes to heaven and met St. Peter. The reason for me talking about Forrest Gump going to heaven is because I just received this email today talking about that very thing. I’m sure you’re going to love this one
Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven Meets St Peter
The day orestinally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, ‘Well,Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.’
Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.’
St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin, with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God’s first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.’
Forrest replied, ‘Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.’
The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter. ‘How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’
Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year ?
Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd… ‘
‘Hold it, interrupts St Peter. ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind… but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name’?
‘Sure,’ Forrest replied, it’s Andy.’
‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’
‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song:
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: ‘Run, Forrest, run.’
Give me a sense of humor,
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life.
And, above all else to pass this on with you favourite social sharing sites
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