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I love funny elderly jokes, which is why I’ve included so many elderly jokes in my Friday Funnies. Because funny elderly jokes are so bloody funny I’ve decided to make this Friday Funnies all about funny elderly jokes. Funny Elderly Jokes #1 A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I…

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I know people love celebrities. Now you know why there are so many paparazzi. I thought for this weeks Friday Funnies I’d have a look at some of the funny things celebrities say. Funny Things Celebrities Say #1 Mickey Rooney I can’t say for sure that Mickey Rooney actually said all this things but that’s what the emails said. Anyway, here is my first funny things celebrities say! 1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory…. I don’t remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings…” 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together….

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I thought for this weeks Friday Funnies I would start off with some funny classified ads. Apparently, according to the email these ads came in, these funny classified ads were actually placed in some U.K. Newspapers. Some say the Pommies have a weird sense of humour. That may be the case, but I found these classified ads to be pretty funny. Funny Classified Ads Pommy Style FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is… **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete…

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You’re probably thinking there is no funny side to being an ex-wife so there couldn’t possibly be any ex-wife humour. Well, this post just goes to show you how wrong you are. Ex-Wife Humour you Just Have to Love Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars along with your gun collection and tennis racquets.” Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?” “There for a minute you were starting to sound…

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Best Pub Friday Funnies #270

For this weeks Friday Funnies we’re going to some unknown pub somewhere in the world. At this unknown pub 3 blokes, as blokes do,  are discussing which country has the best pub. And The Best Pub In The World Is….. “As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s…. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink. That is definitely the best pub” “Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two. Clearly, that is the best pub” “Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me favourite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place,…

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Why Men Are Happier

Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time! After a hard working week behind them, more and more people are flocking to see what Fridays Funnies has in stall for them. This weeks Friday Funnies is all about why men are happier than women. I’m sure that there are a whole lot of women out there who would agree with today’s ‘Why men are happier’ post. Why Men Are Happier Than Women Why Men Are Happier People……. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack… You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this…

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Before I start my Smart Arse Answer Compilation I want to apologize for missing out the last two weeks Friday Funnies. My excuse is that I was flat out doing renovations on my home that I just didn’t have the time. I painted 4 rooms and laid floating timber floors in my bedroom.Now that that is behind me and before starting my next stint in renos I managed to put together a rip roaring Friday Funnies in form of this smart arse answer compilation. Anyway, I figured as how I’ve written so many Friday Funnies you could always check out the archives. That or hopping over to my sports betting blog to read all the funny sports jokes. SMART ARSE ANSWER 6 It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. “What are…

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Funny Short Jokes Friday Funnies #267

Everyone likes short jokes, especially if they’re really funny short jokes. That being the case I’ve decided to devote this weeks Friday Funnies to a whole heap of really funny short jokes. In case you’re wondering where these funny jokes come from, I get them from emails that people send me. I know I may have mentioned that before but I’m putting it out there for all the new readers that continue to flood my Friday Funnies posts. So, without further ado lets checkout my funniest funny short jokes. The Funniest Funny Short Jokes Picked her up in a night club. She Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman.. Danced like a woman. She even kissed like a woman! But as we arrived back at her apartment she reversed her car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement! That’s when I thought – Hang on just a…

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About Peter Pelliccia"