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Hilarious Jokes Friday Funnies #319

Folk love hilarious jokes because they like to laugh. Usually, hilarious jokes are supposed to be funnier than your every day joke. I’m hoping that you find this week’s hilarious jokes funny.

Hilarious Jokes For Your Entertainment

The first of my hilarious jokes takes place at a dentist’s office.

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 am tee time at the best golf course in town, and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”

The dentist thought to himself, “Well, well, at last, a golfer with real balls!” So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it, sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.”

The next one takes place on a cattle ranch.

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour’s cows! He’s like a machine! I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him… but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Finally, I put something together with the Creator that I think you’ll love.

I Love The Creator

hilarious jokes

Looking for more hilarious jokes? Check out my FRIDAY FUNNIES category. Or you can watch my Laughaholics videos.

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Today’s Friday Funnies is devoted to grandfather jokes. Our grandfathers have been around for a long time and have acquired a lot of wisdom. Wisdom that sometimes makes you roll over in laughter. Ergo, this week’s grandfather jokes.

Grandfather Jokes That Make You Laugh

The first of my grandfather jokes takes place when a curious 4-year-old wants to share some of his grandfather’s knowledge.

Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom, and one is on top of the other?’

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.

‘Well, Hunter, it’s called sexual intercourse.’

‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, ‘OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandpa, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds.  And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.’

The next of my grandfather jokes is hearing aid related.

A Grandfather who had serious hearing problems for some years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

See, I told you grandfathers were smart.

Finally, to finish off my grandfather jokes, I have something I put together with The Creator.

funny grandfather jokes

I hope you enjoyed this week Grandfather jokes Friday Funnies enough to share it with your friends.

Check out more of my Friday Funnies jokes. If you liked this joke you’ll love my Laughaholics Videos.

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Dating can be stressful, but sometimes it can also be quite amusing. Todays Friday Funnies is about a couple of funny dating episodes. The first of the funny dating episodes started off well but the upcoming second date was ruined, and it was all Googles fault.

Funny Dating Episodes Googles Fault

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show. The evening is a huge success, and as he drops her at her door, he says ‘I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?’

She agrees, and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face. He is stunned. ‘What was that for?’ he asked.

She said… I looked up “beautiful climbing rose” on Google last night and it said…..”Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bed.”

Yep. It’s time like these that Google sucks!  :cool:

funny dating episodes

Funny Dating Episodes #2 Meeting In The Park

A man and a woman have a chance meet in a park and decide to meet up that night for a meal.
Going so well after the meal they go for a drive in his car to a romantic cliff top.

There’s not a cloud in the night sky. All the stars are shining brightly, and they both jump in the back seat.

While having fun, the woman stops and says “I’m really sorry about this and should have told you earlier, but I do this for a living and if you want to go all the way it will cost you £50”.

“WHAT!, you’re telling me this now when I’m all up for it knowing that of course, I’ll pay you.”

The man pays and to be fair had a fantastic time.

Afterwards, they both get in the front seats and just sit there, hearing only some crickets in the background the woman said, “shall we get a move on then?”

The man said, “I’m really sorry I should have told you earlier, I’m actually a cabbie it’s going to cost you £55 to get home”.

I have a funny feeling That I may have posted the last of the funny dating episodes before, but who cares. It’s so funny I don’t think anybody will mind if it’s resurrected.

Get more laughs by checking out my the rest of my Friday Funnies. Better still, why not check out my Hilarious Laughaholics videos.

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Crazy Jokes Friday Funnies #316

Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time, and that means its time for some more crazy jokes. Todays first crazy joke is about this guy who miraculously gets offered this brilliant job as a chauffeur.

Crazy Jokes: The Chauffeur

A young scouser with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive her around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz SEL, and he will supply your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas travels. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her
mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… you started it.”

Crazy Jokes WD40 Ad

This isn’t really a joke as such. It’s actually an original WD40 ad which was released in 1964. It’s pretty funny, so I’ve included it as part of my hilarious jokes. Read the rest of this entry

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