Click Now!

"The

Kitchen Jokes Friday Funnies #332

This week’s Friday Funnies is about kitchen jokes, but before I get to my this week’s kitchen jokes, I’d like to apologise for missing last weeks Friday Funnies. I do have a perfect excuse though, its because I took my family to Bali so we could celebrate my 60th birthday. We all loved Bali, and I will be doing some YouTube videos of our time over there. You may want to subscribe to My Bonzer Channel, so you don’t miss out on those videos.

OK, onto my funny kitchen jokes.

Kitchen Jokes Sex In The Kitchen

There could be many reasons for having sex in the kitchen, but not many of them would be funnier than this one.

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she usually slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up, and I thought, “I am either still dreaming, or this is going to be my lucky day!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

She explained, “The egg timer’s broken…..”

kitchen jokes

Kitchen Facts: Eating In The Fifties

While technically not a joke I’m sure you’ll find the humour in the following.

Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.

Curry was a surname.

Taco? Never saw one till I was 15.

All chips were plain.

Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Chickens didn’t have fingers in those days.

None of us had ever heard of yogurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible!

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognized food.

‘Kebab’ was not even a word… never mind a food.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days and was regarded as being white gold.

Prunes were medicinal and stewed.

Surprisingly Muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.

Pineapples came in chunks or were round with a hole in the middle, in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.

Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.

There were three things that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties, elbows, hats and cell phones!

And there were always two choices for each meal…

“Take it” or Leave it”

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Lotto Agent A New Player In Town

Lotto Agent: Get Lottery Tickets From The Comfort Of Your Own Home

Lotto Agent is one of the biggest and most trusted lottery concierge services and online ticketing agents in the world. The company is owned by Agento Limited, and its headquarter is located in Malta. The primary advantage of Lotto Agent is that its users purchase real lottery tickets and can even check their scanned copies. The company is present in almost each country of the world — the only exception are countries where it’s illegal to take part in the lottery draws — where it offers more than 20 world’s biggest and most popular lotteries, including the fabulous MEGA Millions, Powerball, EuroMillions, SuperEnalotto, Loteria Nacional and hordes of other games.

Brief Overview

PROS:

  • Availability of numerous lotteries
  • Availability of multiple payment methods
  • Availability of bonuses, discounts and promos
  • Availability of videos of lotto draws
  • Scanned copies of tickets
  • User-friendly and good-looking site
  • 6 language versions
  • Email alerts to winning users
  • Zero commission on winnings
  • Excellent customer support
  • The Lotto Agent app for Android
  • Multiple draws and subscriptions

CONS:

  • No syndicates

Lotteries to Play on Lotto Agent

Lotto Agent offers a great variety of public lotteries including the most popular lotteries today, such as:

The Site

The site is available in 6 world languages. It is not overloaded with bulky design and unnecessary elements so that it looks fresh and user-friendly. On the very first page, the user gets addressed by a teaser showing the lottery with the largest Jackpot which he can win with Lotto Agent. Below it, he can find a table with the latest draw results. In the “Play Online” section, he can find the list of lotteries which are available for play. The lotteries are ranked and marked by 0-10 score numbers. In the “Results” section, the latest winning combinations, videos of draws and tax information can be found. Also, there are links where the user can read the latest news about the games and winnings. Read the rest of this entry

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Divorce Jokes Friday Funnies #331

I know I’ve called this post, divorce jokes but the first of my divorce jokes is more of a funny divorce story.

Curtain Rod Divorce Jokes

You will love this one. It is A STORY TO REMEMBER.divorce jokes

On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light. He put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring water and 3 cans of sardines.

When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first, all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end, they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer and decided they had to move, but a month later, even though they’d cut their price in half, they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a considerable sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place

Then the ex-called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell was she agreed on a price that was only a tenth of what the house was worth. But he would have to sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyer delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend were smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. Also, to despite her ex, she even took the curtain rods!

You just have to love a happy ending, right?

The next of the divorce jokes is about an up and coming divorcee who comes up with a smartarse excuse for the judge.

Divorce Jokes Placating The Judge

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leapt to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, ‘Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?’

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Tennis Jokes Friday Funnies #330

Tennis Jokes That Makes You Laugh

Todays Friday Funnies revolves around a couple of tennis jokes. The first of the tennis jokes happens when a guy finds a brand new tennis ball in a park.

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A pretty blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. “What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with anticipation.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said the blonde sympathetically, “that must be painful! I had tennis elbow once.”

tennis jokes

The next of today’s tennis jokes takes place in a maternity ward.

A married couple go to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother’s pain to the father.

“Would you be willing to try it out?” asks the doctor.

“Sure,” says the husband, who is one of those ‘Sensitive New Age Guys’.

As the woman goes into labour, the doctor sets the machine to 10 per cent and asks the man if it hurts.

“No, it’s fine,” he says. The doctor raises the setting to 20 per cent. “Still okay,” says the man. The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 per cent. The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 per cent.

“I can take it,” says the husband. “Give me the full 100 per cent.” So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all. The doctor goes off to write up the case for The Lancet, while the couple takes their baby home.

On the doorstep, they find the dead body of the wife’s tennis coach.

Serena William Now A Tennis Joke

Serena Williams A Tennis Joke

This cartoon was drawn by Mark Knight, an Australian cartoonist. It depicts Serena William’s dummy spit for which Mark received a lot of condemnation from the Yanks who for some reason support William’s poor sportsmanship. Even to the extent that they booed the poor Japanese girl, Naomi Osaka. What should have been a joyous occasion for her the booing reduced her to tears.

Political cartoonists are known to exaggerate the features of their characters, and that’s all Mark did with Serena. I don’t believe there was any racial intent whatsoever. This article pretty well sums it up but just Google Mark Williams cartoons, and you’ll see just what his caricatures are like. Not picking on Serena at all, except for her poor behaviour on the day.

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018
About Peter Pelliccia"