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Pissing Joke Friday Funnies #303

Most of you know that I get my Friday Funnies jokes in my emails. Today I got one that was completely different from anything I’ve received before. My first ever pissing joke! I mean, who would ever come up with a pissing joke anyway. Probably what makes it even funny is that it involves two Irishmen and their love for beer.

A Mermaid’s Pissing Joke

After their cruise ship sank, Two Irishman were stranded at sea in a lifeboat. Things were getting pretty desperate. They’d just run out of water when a mermaid appeared out of the blue and offered them one wish to save their lives.

The Irishmen thought long and hard about it, and then Paddy shouted out,”I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” To their amazement, the ocean was turned into beer.

The Irishmen got stuck into the beer thinking life was rosy again when Shamus suddenly said in dismay, “Great, now we have to piss in the boat!”

Then there was this other pissing joke involving an elderly couple’s visit to the doctor’s office.

Funny Pissing Joke

Doctor’s Funny Pissing Joke

An elderly couple went to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. “How’re you doing?” asks the doctor.

“Pretty good,” answers the old man. “I’m eating well, and I’m still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord even turns the light on for me.”

The doctor decides to let that last statement slide and goes to check on the man’s wife. “How’re you feeling?” he asks.

“Pretty good, no complaints at all” answers the old woman. “I’ve got heaps of energy, and I’m not feeling any pain.”

The doctor says, “That’s nice. It’s good to see you and your husband doing so well. Something is bothering me though!  Your husband mentioned that when he gets up to pee at night,’ the good Lord turns the light on for him’. Do you have any idea what he means?”

“Oh shit,” she says, “He’s pissing in the refrigerator again.”

Talking about pissing jokes you’re going to love this video.

And they say men can’t multi-task!

You may want to check out my post on my YouTube intro video.

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Funny Irish Jokes Friday Funnies #302

You all know I love funny Irish jokes, right? I also know I’m not the only one who likes funny Irish jokes. That’s why funny Irish jokes occur so often on this blog, to appease my avid readers. Two of my more favourite funny Irish jokes include Sexy Sal’s Blonde Joke & Irish Humor FF #62, way back in 2013 and more recently Irish Jokes That Make You Laugh Friday Funnies #279!

Today’s funny Irish jokes takes place in a Dublin surgery. (Just so you know, Grammarly tells me that I should drop the ‘s’ in takes but you guys all know that’s for SEO purposes right?)

Funny Irish Jokes That Makes You Laugh

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had indigestion, and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir,” says Murphy.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door flies open, and a gorgeous young woman bursts in, so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts:

‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!’

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.”

Naturally, I can’t complete a Funny Fridays post without my customary The Creator creation.  :smoke_tb:

funny Irish jokes

Finally, I have a Funny Irish jokes video for you as well.

For those of you who don’t know YouTube have changed the rules for small YouTubers such as myself. You can read about that here. I need more subscribers to help me meet their new target. You can help by subscribing to my channel. let me know in the comments that you’ve done so and I will subscribe to your channel.

I know it’s a Friday Funnies post, but I’m posting it today, Thursday, because I have some stuff to do tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to work for a living.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

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Irish Sausage Friday Funnies #289

I got this email today that stemmed around an Irish sausage that I found to be absolutely hilarious! Now you may wonder what is so funny about an Irish sausage? Well it’s not the Irish sausage as much as the consequences that occurred around finding where they keep the Irish sausages? Here is the email in its entirety.

Irish Sausage & Racism

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘racism’ these days. A customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?”

The assistant asks, “Are you Irish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Yes I am, but let me ask you something, If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?”

The assistant says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

The guy says, “Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I’m Irish?”

The assistant replied, “Because you’re in Bunnings.”

Yeah, some people are just way to sensitive. :wink:

Of course I know you guys expect more than just one funny joke for Friday Funnies which is why I used the Creator to put the following joke together for you.

Irish Sausage JokeI’m sure that for most of you these jokes are more than enough for a Friday Funnies post. Even so, there may be some of you who want more. For those of you who are new to Friday funnies you should check out the Friday Funnies category. If you like sports related jokes then check out my really funny sports jokes.

 

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Best Pub Friday Funnies #270

For this weeks Friday Funnies we’re going to some unknown pub somewhere in the world. At this unknown pub 3 blokes, as blokes do,  are discussing which country has the best pub.

And The Best Pub In The World Is…..

“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs backbest pub joke
home.
In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s….
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink. That is definitely the best pub”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London ,
the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first
two. Clearly, that is the best pub”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me
favourite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a
drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house! Dat’s what being da best pub is about!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
“Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

Yeah, you just have to love the Irish :wink_ee:

Something else I would like to share with you this week is more remarkable than funny. It’s about thus guy flying 3 kites at once. He’s is in his 80s and he’s from Canada.

He comes to Washington State International Kite Festival every year.

His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies, we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist. You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite.

And make sure your volume is turned up because the music is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites. (The Flower

Duet from Lakme)


Remember, you can always get more laughs by heading over to my funny sports jokes or just browse the rest of my Friday Funnies jokes.

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