Todays Friday funnies isn’t going to have a theme at all. I thought, just for the heck of it, I’d just post some random funny jokes. Do you remember that funny joke not so long ago about the drunk wife? You don’t! Well, you should go back and read it then. Funny enough my first funny joke is about a couple of women who had too much to drink and were busting to pee!
Busting To Pee Funny Jokes
Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Vodka Martini’s. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee badly, so they stopped in the nearby cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties, and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensivepair of panties and didn’t want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded togo home.
The next day one of the woman’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: ‘These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect theworst. My wife came home without panties!!’
‘That’s nothing’ said the other husband, ‘Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that
Said….. ‘From all of the guy’s at the Fire Station! We’ll never forget you.’
I know I’ve posted a lot of old folks funny jokes but I can’t help myself because they’re so bloody funny.
Have you ever thought about some of the requirements you would ask for when dating an elderly person?
Do you know what the difference is between ‘Oooooooh’ and ‘Aaaaaaaah’?
And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope you got a bit of a kick out of these funny jokes. If you did I’d love it if you shared it on FaceBook or even if you gave it a Tweet.
Naturally if you’re looking for more really funny jokes you should head on over to my funny sports jokes.
I did a post not so long ago about how some blogging for money isn’t as easy as some folk out there made it out to be. I thought I would follow that post with this one, a post that is going to show you exactly how much money I made online in 2014 / 2015.
It’s not going to be a long post. I’m just going to break down my blogging for money earnings into their respective categories.
Advertising: $470 This includes money I’ve earned some of that from my OIOPublisherad space in the top right sidebar. OIOPublisher makes accepting ads from clients as easy as pie, completely automating the process. The rest I got from doing paid posts on my blogs.
Affiliate Payments: $3901.59 Apart from a couple of sales from promoting FlexSqueeze2 the bulk of that money has come from my lottery sites. You can find the affiliates I use to make all this cash here.
Other Income: $28.08 This was from people paying me to remove links leading to their website.
All in all I made a total of $4399.73! Not a huge amount but it is steadily growing. Also my Sport Betting site hasn’t kicked in yet and I have high hopes for that site. That and the fact that every time someone signs up under me as a Lottery customer they become my customer for life. This means every time they buy a lottery ticket online I get paid my commission.
Just a quick note, these earnings do not include any monies that have not reached payment levels, a little over $1000. That’s cool though because They’ll all be added to my 2015 / 2016 earnings.
Any money that I earn online is payed into either of three accounts.
Normally when you watch court proceedings on the TV it always pretty serious stuff. The thing is that in reality things can actually get really funny. Actual court recorder documents show that there are times when the Lawyers say the most stupid of things. Other times it’s something the witness says that makes you crack up.
Sometimes they’re so bloody funny you just have to wonder how these court recorders manage to keep straight faces!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courtsand are things people have actually said in court,…word for word, taken down and published by court reporters!
When you read through some of them you can sometimes imagine the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
Some of these are so bloody funny that I just had to include them in this weeks Friday Funnies #174.
I have to put it out there though that I do not a actually own this book, although I may have to get my hands on a copy. Nope, a friend of mine sent me these in an email, which is where I get all of my Friday Funnies from.
So, without further ado I give to you……..
Best Of The Funniest Court Recorder Situation
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
I’ve saved the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
That’s it guys. Don’t forget to have a great weekend.
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