Best Pub Friday Funnies #270


For this weeks Friday Funnies we’re going to some unknown pub somewhere in the world. At this unknown pub 3 blokes, as blokes do,  are discussing which country has the best pub.

And The Best Pub In The World Is…..

“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs backbest pub joke
home.
In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s….
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink. That is definitely the best pub”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London ,
the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first
two. Clearly, that is the best pub”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me
favourite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a
drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house! Dat’s what being da best pub is about!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
“Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

Yeah, you just have to love the Irish :wink_ee:

Something else I would like to share with you this week is more remarkable than funny. It’s about thus guy flying 3 kites at once. He’s is in his 80s and he’s from Canada.

He comes to Washington State International Kite Festival every year.

His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies, we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist. You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite.

And make sure your volume is turned up because the music is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites. (The Flower

Duet from Lakme)


Remember, you can always get more laughs by heading over to my funny sports jokes or just browse the rest of my Friday Funnies jokes.

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Why Men Are Happier


Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time! After a hard working week behind them, more and more people are flocking to see what Fridays Funnies has in stall for them. This weeks Friday Funnies is all about why men are happier than women. I’m sure that there are a whole lot of women out there who would agree with today’s ‘Why men are happier’ post.

Why Men Are Happier Than Women

Why Men Are Happier People…….Why Men Are Happier

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack…

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes,one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Yep, Men Are Just Happier People

Here are more reason why men are generally happier…

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators…YEP!!!

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man can forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

I sure hope this weeks Friday Funnies has given you a good start to the weekend. If you’re looking for more laughs just head on over to my funny sports jokes.

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Before I start my Smart Arse Answer Compilation I want to apologize for missing out the last two weeks Friday Funnies. My excuse is that I was flat out doing renovations on my home that I just didn’t have the time. I painted 4 rooms and laid floating timber floors in my bedroom.Now that that is behind me and before starting my next stint in renos I managed to put together a rip roaring Friday Funnies in form of this smart arse answer compilation.

Anyway, I figured as how I’ve written so many Friday Funnies you could always check out the archives. That or hopping over to my sports betting blog to read all the funny sports jokes. :thumbup_tb:

smart arse answer compilation

SMART ARSE ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
“What are my choices?” the man asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 5

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, “Do these Chickens get any bigger?”
The assistant replied, “I’m afraid not, they’re dead.”

smart arse answer 2

SMART ARSE ANSWER 4

The policeman got out of his car and the Teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the Cop said.
The kid replied, “Well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 3

A truckie was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read “Low Bridge Ahead.”
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it ..
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cab and said to the driver, “Got stuck, eh?”
The lorry driver said, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!”

SMART ARSE ANSWER 2

A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.
“Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
“Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR

Telephone rings, woman answers.
Pervert, breathing heavily, says, “I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?”
Woman replies, “Yes, I have.. He’s watching the rugby …. Who shall I say is calling?”

Personally I think that smart answer 2 should be the smart answer of the year but then that’s just me :tongue_laugh_ee: Which one did you like the best?

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