Public Service Friday Funnies #167


It’s been a pretty hard week but I always make sure I have enough time to come up with a Friday Funnies post. Today’s Friday Funnies is #167 which means I’ve been doing these posts for over two years. I reckon that’s a pretty good milestone. Truth be told I never thought I’d be able to keep these jokes going for so long. But I’m so glad I have and I plan to keep them coming.

Usually people working for the public service are considered to have a pretty cushy and secure jobs. Unfortunately working for the public service isn’t as safe as it used to be. The following joke tries to poke a bit of fun at those working for the public service.

Public Service Employee Notice For Older People

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off

Talk about looking at the funny side of acronyms  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Now for some funny images that have nothing to do with the public service although I’m sure they’ve passed many of these through internal emails.  :thumbup_ee:

Mmm, I wonder if those public servants will take up her offer?  :no_way:

public service

The bottom image isn’t really that accurate, she online needs one excuse, the old headache one.  :lol_ee:   Read the rest of this entry

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When The Courts Get It Wrong


Do courts get it wrong when coming out with their judgments? The obvious answer to the question, do courts get it wrong is yes! Why? Because courts are presided over by judges and judges are human. We all know that humans are fallible and they’re prone to making mistakes. The trouble is that there are times when those mistakes are so bad they’re laughable.

The Courts Get It Wrong With The Woolworth’s Case

Courts get it wrong with woolworths

The following is one of those cases. It all began when this man, Steven Willmott, decided he was being discriminated against whilst applying online for a petrol station console operator’s position. Apparently he found three of the questions offensive.

What makes the ruling of this case totally unbelievable is those questions were;

  1. His date of birth
  2. His gender
  3. Proof of his right to work in Australia

These questions were mandatory, as they usually are, and because he didn’t want to answer them he decided to take Woolworths to court and won! Can you believe that? How in hell can those questions be considered as being discriminatory? Lets look at them individually?

The question of age is very necessary because certain jobs require you to be over 18 to be eligible.

The question of gender? OK, a woman might find that discriminatory if she thought she might not get the job because of her gender  but that would be a pretty big stretch,

The third question, proving his right to work in Australia, as far as I’m concerned it totally legitimate. “The company argued that it had a legislative responsibility not to employ unlawful non-citizens, as defined in the Commonwealth Migration Act.” I would have thought that alone would have exonerated them as far as the third point was concerned. Besides, why wouldn’t you divulge that information?

The reason for came about after reading the following article. After some research I managed to find another article where Steven Willmott defended his actions. Apparently it had more to do with his fear of identity theft than anything else. This was because he was required to present his birth certificate, passport and driver’s licence as part of the application.

That kind of makes a bit more sense but even so I feel the judge got it wrong. What do you think?

 

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Mushrooms Making You Laugh?

OK, maybe the only mushrooms that can really make you laugh are the magic mushroom variety,  but the following joke is based around mushrooms and is really funny.

The Mushrooms Smothered Steak Fiasco

magic mushroomsShe wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

“No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”

“Well, I see varmints eating them and they’re OK.”

So she picked a bunch of the mushrooms, washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided the mushrooms were OK to be served.

The meal was a great success.

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,

“Mum, Spot is dead.”

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called her doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said,

“That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can. We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road.

The paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomachs.

After the last one was done the doctor came out and said,

“Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum,

“I can’t believe that bloke!”

“What bloke ?”

“You know, that one who ran over Spot, he never even slowed down!!!!”

 Want more laughs? Why not check out some killer sports jokes?

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About Peter Pelliccia"