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Funny Side Of Lies Why We Shouldn’t Lie

Everyone knows you shouldn’t lie because lies can get you into trouble, as this next story shows.

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner and theatre evening. We turned on a ‘night light’, turned on the answering machine, covered our pet parrot, and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local taxi company and requested a cab. The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot. My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.

The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. “He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked, so I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard. She’d better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the taxi was deafening.

Just to add to the funny side of lies I put this together using the creator :tongue_laugh_ee:

funny side of lies

And finally, something else that I put together with the Creator

bullshitting jokesthat has nothing to do with the funny side of lies

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Do you ever wonder who makes up some of the jokes, stories or whatever that you read on Friday Funnies. I do and sometimes I think to myself that some of these people have way too much time on their hands. Especially the person who wrote the following about Who Is Jack Schitt?

Who Is Jack Schitt???

who is jack schitt

Created with The Creator

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

The best thing about the Schitt family tree is that someone even took the time to make a video about the Schitt Family tree. No shit! I kid you not.  :smoke_tb:

Now that you know all about Jack Schitt I wanted to dispel the theory that sex is the best form of exercise. I did that by putting together something with the help of The Creator!

sex best form of exercise

I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to bring some joy to other by sharing this post on your favourite social media sites.

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Jokes With God In It

Funny Jokes With God In It

It’s Friday and you know what that means don’t you? Yep, its Friday Funnies time. Today’s Friday Funnies has several jokes with God in it. The first of the jokes with God in is is about a near death experience.

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked “Is my time up”?
God said, “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 33 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance”?

God replied: ! I didn’t recognise you!!!!!”

I made the next couple of funny jokes with God in it using The Creator.

Jokes With God In It

more Jokes with God in it

The next of our jokes with God in it is an oldie but a goodie. :wink:

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?”

The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.”

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?”

The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.”

Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

Just goes to show that God is always around to help us, sometimes we’re just too stupid to see when he’s holding out his hand.

Hope you liked this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget where you can find some really funny sports jokes.

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About Peter Pelliccia"