Bloody Aussie Pen Pushers Friday Funnies #159


Bloody pen pushers

That image leads to this weeks Friday Funnies and why I titled this post Bloody Aussie Pen Pushers. Even though I’m sure this type of bloody pen pushers exist all over the world.

I’ve printed the following letter exactly as I received it so there are a few swear words in it. Just a word of warning.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Bloody Government Pen Pusher Are So Annoying

AN AUSTRALIAN LETTER – I THINK THE SENDER MIGHT HAVE BEEN A BIT UPSET!

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister.. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn’t stop laughing !

Dear Mr Minister,

 I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where
I was born and on what date ?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 40 years. It is also on my driver’s licence, on the last eight passports I’ve ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years. It’s also on all those insufferable census forms that I’ve filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also… would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Audrey, my father’s name is Jack, and I’d be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead !!!

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide? I apologize, Mr Minister. But I’m really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I’ve had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can’t even grow a beard for God’s sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate – and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN
INFORMATION! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooo…that’d be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some ‘high-society’ wanker to confirm that it’s really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo… the one where we’re not allowed to smile?…you bloody morons.

Signed – An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in ‘high-society’ to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I’m also a personal friend of the president of the RSL….Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone “important” to verify who I am; you know…someone like my doctor – WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!…a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers – and are suspended from
the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the “right sort of government”..

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!

What makes this so funny is its so bloody true. I can totally relate to it as I’m sure you can as well.

For more funny jokes you can always hop over to my Funny Sports Jokes.

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Funniest Joke Friday Funnies #158


There are heaps of jokes that claim to be the funniest joke around. Truth be told though like beauty is in the eye of the beholder the grading the funniest joke all depends on the recipient. As an Aussie I reckon this weeks Friday Funnies is one of the funniest jokes I’ve heard. Thing is what I consider to be the funniest joke as an Aussie may not appeal to a Yank or even a European. I’d be really interested as to whether you think this is one of the funniest jokes you’ve heard.

Funniest Joke Drinking With Jesus

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man.

The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out ‘My God, I know who that man is. It’s Jesus!’

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, ‘Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?’

The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. Yes, I am Jesus’ he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him ‘I’d like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me..’ So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table.

Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, ‘Errr, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?’

Jesus smiles and says, ‘Yes, I am Jesus.’

The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus. This the bartender duly does.

As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, ‘Oi, you! D’ya reckon you’re Jesus, or what?’

Jesus nods and says, ‘Yes, I am Jesus.’

The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over Pot of Victoria Bitter for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. Oh God, the arthritis is gone,’ he says. ‘The arthritis I’ve had for years is gone. It’s a miracle!’

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman’s eyes widen in shock. By Jove’, he exclaims, ‘The migraine I’ve had for over 40 years is completely gone. It’s a Miracle!’

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face.

The Aussie whispers. ‘Piss off mate, I’m on Workers Comp’

Funniest Image

funniest joke

That’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies. What do you reckon, do they stack up in the funniest joke category?

 

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Giantlottos Making Money For Bloggers

Have you seen the latest addition to this blog. You can see it on the top of the sidebar on the right. Those who know me know that my biggest income earner are my online lottery sites. I had a bit of a chat with my Giantlottos affiliate manager and he said he could increase my affiliate earnings even more.

Become A Giantlottos Affiliate

He sent me a code snippet that I placed on top of my sidebar. That little bit of code made it possible for my readers to buy an international lottery ticket without leaving my site! That code is very configurable too. All you need to do is to change the dimensions to make it fit almost anywhere on your blog. See, I’ve even adjusted it fit this blog post.

I’ve even got a huge one on a page on my Get Online Lottery blog!

As I said at the beginning of the post prospective online lottery buyers can now purchase their ticket right from my blogs. Test it out to see how easy it is to buy an international lottery ticket online. Can you see how this could increase the potential for your blog to make even more money. I sure can.

become giantlottos affiliateThe beauty of it is that you don’t even need a lottery site. You can place this code snippet on any one of your blogs. Then any one of your visitors who’s a lottery player can buy a ticket from you and you earn the commission.

All you need is to become a Giantlottos affiliate. And why wouldn’t you want to become a Giantlottos affilate. It’s completely free and it allows you to sell tickets right from your site.

Ok, I’ve had to shoot an email to my Giantlottos affiliate manager because I couldn’t find that code in my Giantlottos affiliate dashboard. I asked him where it was located and I’ll get back to you as soon as I get an answer.

You know though, even if you need to be a member for awhile before you can get the code it doesn’t prevent you from monetising your blog by placing choice affiliate banners on your site. That’s how I started making my cash as a lottery affiliate. :drunk_tb:

As a member you can sign other affiliates under you and make even more money,

.

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