Employment Jokes Friday Funnies #328

I don’t think I’ve done a Friday Funnies post about employment jokes before so this week’s Friday Funnies is about employment jokes.

Employment Jokes On The Murray

Looking for an excellent job on the Murray River??

Sally Mulligan of Paddington NSW decided to take one of the jobs that most Australians are not willing to do.

Sally applied for a job in a lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Adelaide and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons ??”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said. “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Jeeps, voted twice for Labor, and once for Clive Palmer.”

She starts in the morning.

Employment Jokes

Created with The Creator

Lawyer Employment Jokes

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a prominent lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration.

The lawyer asks, “What for?”

The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

The lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” said the sheriff impatiently.

The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration, and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out, and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Next, I video with two of the funniest jokes ever. The second of the two jokes definitely fits in the employment jokes category.


Check out some of my other funny jokes or my Laughaholics Video Playlist.

 

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Crazy Jokes Friday Funnies #316

Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time, and that means its time for some more crazy jokes. Todays first crazy joke is about this guy who miraculously gets offered this brilliant job as a chauffeur.

Crazy Jokes: The Chauffeur

A young scouser with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive her around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz SEL, and he will supply your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas travels. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her
mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… you started it.”

Crazy Jokes WD40 Ad

This isn’t really a joke as such. It’s actually an original WD40 ad which was released in 1964. It’s pretty funny, so I’ve included it as part of my hilarious jokes.

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Shark Jokes Friday Funnies #309

I’m pretty sure this is my first ever shark jokes post.

Shark Jokes: Why Sharks Circle Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did.

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.

“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”

Shark jokes also come in the form of memes, especially when you own the Creator:tongue_laugh_ee:

shark jokes

Shark Jokes: The Prawn Who Became A Shark

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. They were the best of friends. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian.Thier biggest problem was the sharks that were constantly trying to eat them.

One day Justin couldn’t deal with being constantly threatened by the sharks. He said to Kristian, “Man, being a prawn sucks big time. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten all the time.”

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted!”

And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was scared shitless and swam for his life so his old friend wouldn’t eat him.

As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.

It took a while, but eventually, Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it’d be better if he could go back to his old life, so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic, and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian’s home.

As he opened the corral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “Kristian, it’s me, Justin, your old friend. Please let me in.”

Kristian replied, “No way! You’re a shark now, and you’ll just eat me. I’m not being tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin shouted back “No, I’m not a shark anymore. That was the old me. I’ve changed. I’ve found Cod. I’m a prawn again Kristian.”

Remember, there are heaps more jokes here if you’re looking for more laughs. Or, you could always check out my Laughaholics videos.

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