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Shark Jokes Friday Funnies #309

I’m pretty sure this is my first ever shark jokes post.

Shark Jokes: Why Sharks Circle Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did.

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.

“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”

Shark jokes also come in the form of memes, especially when you own the Creator:tongue_laugh_ee:

shark jokes

Shark Jokes: The Prawn Who Became A Shark

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. They were the best of friends. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian.Thier biggest problem was the sharks that were constantly trying to eat them.

One day Justin couldn’t deal with being constantly threatened by the sharks. He said to Kristian, “Man, being a prawn sucks big time. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten all the time.”

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted!”

And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was scared shitless and swam for his life so his old friend wouldn’t eat him.

As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.

It took a while, but eventually, Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it’d be better if he could go back to his old life, so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic, and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian’s home.

As he opened the corral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “Kristian, it’s me, Justin, your old friend. Please let me in.”

Kristian replied, “No way! You’re a shark now, and you’ll just eat me. I’m not being tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin shouted back “No, I’m not a shark anymore. That was the old me. I’ve changed. I’ve found Cod. I’m a prawn again Kristian.”

Remember, there are heaps more jokes here if you’re looking for more laughs. Or, you could always check out my Laughaholics videos.

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Stuff That Makes You Laugh Friday Funnies #286

Friday Funnies is all about stuff that makes you laugh. Before I get into some of that stuff that makes you laugh I have to apologise for missing last weeks Friday Funnies. No excuse except that I was flat out doing other things and just didn’t have the time. Hopefully this weeks stuff that makes you laugh is so funny it will make up for missing out on last weeks post.

Stuff That Makes You Laugh Images

stuff that makes you laugh

I think this next image is hilarious.

stuff that makes you laugh

OK, now for a really funny joke about group therapy.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers &   their small children.

You all have obsessions, he stated. I am concerned that these individual obsessions are going to impact your children.

To the first mother, Mary, he said: You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.

He turned to the second Mum, Ann: Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children’s names, Penny, Goldie and Frank. 

He then turned to the third Mum, Joyce: Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children’s names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, Whisky.

Next he turns to the fourth Mum, June: Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy.                    

At this point, the fifth  mother, Kathy, quietly gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispered: Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Grab Fanny Cocky and Willy, we’re going.

The next joke is an Irish joke which I find really funny.

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS! Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Irishman nodded…”I’ll tell yah though, by Jaesuz, I t’out I were goin’ to drop dead on dat 3rd day.

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No,” said the Irishman. “From all the skippin’.”

Finally, I’m going to finish off with the funniest Super Bowl commercials for 2017.

Remember, you can get more laughs by checking out the Friday Funnies category by heading over to my funny sports jokes.

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Funny Short Jokes Friday Funnies #267

Everyone likes short jokes, especially if they’re really funny short jokes. That being the case I’ve decided to devote this weeks Friday Funnies to a whole heap of really funny short jokes.

In case you’re wondering where these funny jokes come from, I get them from emails that people send me. I know I may have mentioned that before but I’m putting it out there for all the new readers that continue to flood my Friday Funnies posts.

So, without further ado lets checkout my funniest funny short jokes.

The Funniest Funny Short Jokes

Picked her up in a night club. She Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman.. Danced like a woman. She even kissed like a woman! But as we arrived back at her apartment she reversed her car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!
That’s when I thought – Hang on just a minute!

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him. I shouted, “Where you off to Charlie?”

He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”
Well I just cracked up, couldn’t stop laughing, then said, “That’s gonna be a bit awkward isn’t it?”

“Not really,” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.

Went out last night and got really wasted.
I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting … so, at least I got home OK.

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.funny short jokes

“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer..

“German,” she replies.

“Occupation?

“No, just here for a few days.”

I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.
Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30.

“Jesus Loves You.”
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said, “I would like to come back as a cow.”

I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”

And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope today’s post brought a smile to your face and that you liked it enough to share it with your friends.

You can always find more funny jokes over at my sports betting site. If you have time to kill you may even want to check out the rest of my Friday Funnies posts. Just keep in mind there’s a whole lot of them. :tongue_laugh_ee:

 

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Fun Jokes Friday Funnies #259

Folks just love fun jokes. That’s what makes Friday Funnies so popular. It’s also why I’ve been able to keep Friday Funnies going for almost 5 years! Here are some more fun jokes finish the working week off.

Fun Jokes That Make You Laugh

The first one is about your typical husband and wife :smoke_tb:

She was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she laboured away on the weeds, she snapped, “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now!  Why don’t you just pretend I’m out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.

His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, “Where’s my dinner?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town!” :lol_ee:

The next fun joke takes place in an Irish classroom.

Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class: “Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood’s girlfriend? ”

Young Paddy raises his hand and says, “Trudy Glenn Miss”.

“No Paddy, ” says the teacher.  “The answer is Maid Marion “.

But Miss, what about that song we used to sing: “Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn”.

I bet you were singing this as you read it weren’t you? :tongue_laugh_ee:

I found this fun quote in an email and I used The Creator to put the following fun image together.

Fun jokes

Check the last of the fun jokes out. :wink_ee:

I’ll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me…………..

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was hard to bear.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her a loving smile and said,

“Get that trolley over here, love. They’re doing 3 cartons of beer, for the price of 2!!! :drunk_tb:

Not at all what you expected, right?

Check out these really funny sports jokes

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to share this weeks Friday Funnies with all your friends.

 

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