Click Now!

"The

Friday Funnies has a lot of senior citizen jokes because they either do funny stuff or they use their wit to belittle the young whippersnappers of the day. One such senior citizen joke was called Senior Jokes over a year ago. I thought it was about time I came up with some more senior citizen jokes.

Senior Citizen Jokes And Technology

This young bloke attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. ‘You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one, ‘the young bloke said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. ‘The young people of today are much more advanced than people your age. We grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, a man walking on the moon and the internet. We have cell phones, nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers, automated manufacturing, amazing. Technologies, …and,’ paused to take another drink of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in his litany and said, ‘You’re right, son. We didn’t have those things when we were young Which is why we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are YOU doing for the next generation?’

The applause was resounding… I love senior citizens.

Senior citizen jokes

Now, you all know that I get all my Friday Funnies jokes from emails people send me. Not this next one though. I found the following of my senior citizen jokes here.

The Perfect Marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick, and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back the tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had just been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh,” she said. “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Friday Funnies #310

Ok, this week’s Friday Funnies will be in two parts. The first part will be a bit of nostalgic humour. This shows us how things have changed over time.

Friday Funnies Nostalgia

EATING IN THE FIFTIES

Pasta was not eaten in Australia. Curry was a surname. A takeaway was a mathematical problem.    A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. Rice was only eaten as a milk pudding. Calamari was called squid and we used it as fish bait. A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining. Brown bread was something only poor people ate. Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking. Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.  Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. Fish didn't have fingers in those days. Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi. None of us had ever heard of yoghurt. Healthy food consisted of anything edible. People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy. Indian restaurants were only found in India. Cooking outside was called camping. Seaweed was not a recognised food. "Kebab" was not even a word, never mind a food. Prunes were medicinal. Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed. Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than petrol for it, they would have become a laughing stock!! But the one thing that we never ever had on our table in the sixties..... Elbows or Phones. Now for the next part of this weeks Friday Funnies. You could say that this one follows on from the previous one. :wink_ee: I have something that I know will make you really Laugh Out Loud!

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

Friday Funnies

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

“Come on dad! This is the 21st century,” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. here, use my iPad.”

Friday Funnies

I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.

Just for a change of pace I reckon this short story will interest you!

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Funny Nun Jokes

Are you ready for some funny nun jokes? You are? Good, because this week’s Friday Funnies is all about funny nun jokes.

Funny Nun Jokes #1

The first of our funny nun jokes takes place in a monastery of silence.

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Abbot said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Abbot said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.”
Sister Mary Katherine said, “Hard bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot said, “We will get you a better bed.”
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Abbot, “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”
“Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Abbot assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbot again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. He said, “You may say two words today.”
“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.”
The Abbot said, “It’s probably for the best, you’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here!”

Funny Nun Jokes #2

This next nun joke proves two things, see if you can guess what they are. You can tell me in the comments below  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Mother Superior: “Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you’re accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?”

Sister Maria: “I would lift my habit, Mother Superior.”

Mother Superior (shocked): “And what would you do next?”

Sister Maria: “I would tell him to drop his pants.”

Mother Superior: (even more shocked) “And what then?”

Sister Maria: “I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down.”

Finally, I put a little something together for you with The Creator.

Funny Nun Jokes

If you’re still looking for laughs you should check out my Laughaholics videos. Perhaps something more revealing? Then my Hot Sports Babes videos are what you’re after. Otherwise just browse through the rest of my Friday Funnies.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Husband Store vs Wife Store Friday Funny #292

Ever heard of a husband store? Could a husband store ever eventuate, a store where women can buy a husband? If someone was going to open a husband store, what sore of criteria would women be looking for? The following story is a sample of just what you might find in a husband store.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in NewYork City, where a woman may go to choose a husband storehusband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘But I want more.’ So she continues upward.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay but, she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

I don’t think anyone would ever argue that there is a vast difference between men and women. That’s probably why the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus book was so popular. That’s probably also why there are a lot of humorous stories about men and women. Just like the one above.  :cool:

Why not check out some of my other Friday Funnies?

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017
About Peter Pelliccia"