Funny Side To Aussie Slang Friday Funnies #205

As an Aussie I’ve noticed that Aussie slang seems to be dying and I think that’s a shame. It’s a shame because I feel it’s an important part of Aussie culture. There’s also a funny side to Aussie slang.

I’ve written a few posts that has Aussie slang in it. One was way back in 2009 called Duncan and Norm’s Big Night Out Another one in 2009 was an Interview With Sire And The John Chow Confrontation. There are probably other posts that have Aussie slang in it but I reckon those two give you a pretty good idea of the funny side to Aussie Slang.

I got this email today which inspired me to do another post about the funny side to Aussie slang and this is it. Actually, it’s not really about Aussie slang, although it does have some Aussie slang in it, can you pick them out? It’s more about broadband in the Australian Bush.

Aussie Slang Broadband In The Aussie Bush

LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather’s cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..

BYTE: What mozzies do

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A pub snack.

MICROCHIP: What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks – from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won’t go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won’t go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.

Here’s a bit more Aussie humour.

Aussie Slang Post at Wassupblog

That’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies. I hope you enjoyed it enough to want to share it with your mates.

 

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Aussie Jokes Friday Funnies #163

Aussie Jokes Are Funny

Aussie jokesI love Aussie jokes because Aussie jokes can be so bloody funny. I’ve posted a few Aussie jokes in my Friday Funnies series. They include Aussie Humour & Sexy Sals Blonde Joke. Then there was Friday Funnies #42 Some Real Aussie Humour and a smattering of other really funny Aussie Jokes.

The first funny Aussie jokes takes place at work where a couple of Aussie mates decided to experiment with some highly volotile liquid.  :drunk_tb:

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked  as  aircraft  mechanics  in Melbourne, Australia . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in  the  hangar  with nothing to do.Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had  something to drink!’  

Jim  says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel  and  get   buzz. You  wanna try it?’  

So  they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane  booze  and  get completely smashed. The  next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good  he  feels. In  fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side  effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.  Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel  this  morning?’

Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’

Jim  says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a  hangover?’  

Dave  says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover,  nothing.  We  ought to do this more often..’

‘ Yeah, well there’s just one  thing.’  

‘What’s  that?’

‘Have you farted yet?’

‘No.’

‘Well,  DON’T – cause I’m in New  Zealand!

funny Aussie jokes

Our next funny Aussie joke takes place at work. You’re going to love this one.

Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, ‘Someone should go and tell his wife.’
Jeff says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Ricky says, ‘Where did you get that, Jeff?’
‘Shane’s wife gave it to me.’

Ricky continues, ‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?’

‘Well not exactly,’ Jeff said. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Shane’s widow”.’
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’

And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are.’

Now, that’s a typical Aussie, will bet on almost anything.

Looking for more funny jokes? Check out my funny sports jokes.

 

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Aussie Humour Sexy Sal Blonde Joke Friday Funnies

Do you love Aussie humour? Good but first, welcome to Friday Funnies, the post that many wait for in anticipation. Especially after a hard week working your butts of for an unappreciative boss. Or maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who are happily working for themselves in a stress free atmosphere?  :clap: Either way, you’re going to love this weeks Friday Funnies #64 which has a ripper Aussie joke, a great blonde joke from Sexy Sal and a YouTube video you’re going to absolutely love.

But before I get to that I want to share a couple of links with you. The first is my Make Money Online page. This particular page is a work in progress and shows you some of the features that is built into the FlexSqueeze theme. It also shows you a little of what the Logo Creator is capable of. Expect an update showing you more of what it can do at a later date.

The second link serves two purposes, one being to show off a banner I created with the Logo-Creator and the other to notify you of the latest Powerball jackpot which is worth us$ 475 million. Man, I won’t be giving up blogging at all. Nope, I’d just be doing it in different parts of the globe. I reckon you’ll also appreciate how I incorporated a squeeze page feature of this remarkable blog theme into a regular post. :smoke_tb: OK, enough of that, now let’s get on with this weeks Friday Funnies.

Aussie Humour Ringer Meets St Peter

A ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before St Peter at the Aussie humourPearly Gates.”Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the ringer offered. “Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikies, who were threatening a young sheila.

I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest, most
heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, “Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the crap out of the lot of ya’s!”

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