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Duncan And Norm’s Big Day Out

This post is for all my Yankee mates that usually catch me out when they use an expression that only a fellow American would understand.  While we Aussies don’t tend to use this much slang in a normal conversation, I think it’s a real shame because we are losing a significant part of our heritage. So, without further ado, I present to you, Duncan and Norm, a couple of true blue Aussies.

This is a yarn about two mates who lived back of Bourke. Though one of them was a Banana Bender, Duncan, and the other an Apple eater, Norm, they were both real ocker sorts, and their relationship was simply ace. They never got aggro with each other and loved a bit of the old Amber fluid.

One arvo they were on the pushbike going twenty for a dozen heading for the local pub. They figured some good tucker was in order as it was way past lunchtime. Duncan ordered a pie floater while Norm has a pastie with a bit of dead horse. While eating they were yapping about some of the things they’ve been up to. Ever since they were ankle biters, they’ve been cobbers and loved having a yarn.

Norm: “Duncan, d’ya remember that day down at the milk bar, where you bumped into that shiela with the lovely set of knockers?”

Duncan: “Fair suck of the sav cobber that wasn’t my fault!”

Norm: “You copped a beauty mate. Blimey, I can still see you going arse over tit! And the look on her face when you asked if they were real! No wonder she knocked ya back! Ha, ha, she went mad as a cut snake.”

Duncan: “Too bad coz I reckon she would bang like a dunny door in a storm.”

Meanwhile, Norm drops his guts, and the pong would send you back of beyond.

Duncan: “Bugger me dead Norm I reckon you better go off to the bog to leave an offering mate, I reckon you’ve had too many curried bum nuts for brekkie today!”

Norm just laughs and decides to cop it sweet, instead of trying to change the subject he says: “Say Duncan did ya hear the one about the pommy who goes to Australia with his missus; they stay in a 5-star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks, “Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?”

The man replies, “My God! Don’t look, it’s disgusting!”

Further down the road the wife says, “Look, another one!” and the husband says,

“Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel.” They get back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says to the manager, “Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5-star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road, and we come across a drover rooting a kangaroo. Further on, a man is shagging another kangaroo. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about that?”

The manager says, ‘S’truth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?”

Not to be outdone Norm replies with a grin. That’s nothin’ cobber, hows about the Texan farmer who comes Down Under for a holiday. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field, and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.

Then they walk around the station a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as big as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?”

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

Duncan in a fit of laughter falls off his chair right in front of this bloke and his lady muck missus who just happens to be about as ugly as a box of blowflies. Now, this bloke’s built like a brick shit house and tries to down Duncan with a haymaker but Duncan just ducks and then conked the dickhead with one straight in the bread basket. As he doubles over, he knees him in the chin and knocks the drongo out cold.

Norm then gets up, tells Duncan that was a job well done and that it was time to bugger off. With that, they left before any more mishaps could happen. I wonder what they will get up to next time.

So, me Yank mates av a go at that and see how ya go.

For those of you struggling with the language/slang, I’ve done a translation of the post to help you out.


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Peter Pelliccia

I'm an Aussie blogger who loves to blog and share everything that I've learned on my blogging journey, including blogging tips and ways to blog for money. I am also trying to make my way on YouTube. You can follow my progress by subscribing to My Bonzer Channel.

This Post Has 23 Comments

  1. Twitter:
    Gidday mate, that’s abso-bloody-lutely bee’s knees. You give it heaps you do, a real hum dinger. I’m just a Yank that love a great yarn. You got me mucking around with my ears flapping when I’m busy as Bourke street in the rush hour but no worries, beats watching the telly I tell you.

    Brian D. Hawkins´s Last blog post..Interview with Yan Susanto, Blogger Turned Internet Marketer

    1. Not bad Brian, I could just about make you an honorary Aussie with that comment.

      1. Twitter:
        LOL, I cheated a little. I found an an online Australian slang dictionary with Aussie phrases. It’s very cool.

        The first thing I did was look up the slang in your post. Good thing too, Banana Bender… I was going in a completely different direction LOL

        Brian D. Hawkins´s Last blog post..Interview with Yan Susanto, Blogger Turned Internet Marketer

  2. I figured you had a little help, you sly dog you, the words were there but you didn’t string them together well enough to have pulled it off as coming across as a dinky di Aussie.

    I can just imagine what you thought a banana bender was.

  3. At least this isn’t a valentines day tip – all of those tips just make me wanna puke – mostly because I have no one to use them on lol!!

    Taris Janitens´s Last blog post..Accident! Double front flip

  4. Twitter:
    First, look at your very first line again.

    Second, I understood everything that was going on. I even laughed at the punch line; can’t catch his own kangaroo. Of course, like you said, most of the time one wouldn’t have quite that much slang at one time, but still, I followed along easily.

    I’m not the typical American reader, I guess. :smoke_tb: :tongue2_tb:

    Mitch´s Last blog post..The Art Of Hype

    1. Now Mitch, me old son, while I believe you get the gist of the whole thing, I still reckon there are a couple of things that went over your head. For example, a pastie with a bit of dead horse signifies what, and how about she bangs like a dunny door in a storm.

      1. Twitter:
        Sire, I assumed a “pastie” was a hotdog with either ketchup or mustard on it. The second reference was easy to understand! lol

        Mitch´s Last blog post..Two Upcoming Presentations

        1. Actually a pastie is a hot pastry filled with diced vegetables like potato and carrots and stuff. Quite tasty.

          1. Yep, I gotta give ya that mate. Maybe tomorrow arvo I do you the honor of another post :devil_tb:

          2. Twitter:
            That actually sounds pretty tasty, I must say. Still, I wasn’t too far off on thoughts; at least I knew it was food.

            Mitch´s Last blog post..What Would You Buy?

  5. I’m glad you found some tips there Yaris, because I don’t think I meant to leave any. :lol_ee:

  6. Twitter:
    ahhh … good stuff Sire.

    I will admit to not being able to follow all of it. But, I do know a little bit. Have had some Australian friends through the years, and even more importantly, back in the 90s when I lived in England, my wife at the time got me addicted to Home and Away and Neighbors … lol, we never missed an episode.

    And hey now, I can say I knew who Kylie Minougue and Natalie Imbruglia were before they were famous singers in America … hmm, ok maybe that’s not something to be proud of … but you gotta go with what you’ve got sometimes.

    Keep havin FuN!

    Todd´s Last blog post..Whats Good About This?

  7. Hey Todd, if I have enough request I could always post a translation for everyone. As for Neighbours, notice Aussie spelling :innocent1_tb: , it’s still going strong, and I’ve had the hots for Kylie ever since I first saw her on TV. She still rocks my boat.

    Natalie has just finished a movie, Closed For Winter, but it seems you Yanks aren’t interested and so will Premiere in Adelaide in Feb. 27th.

  8. Hey Gennaro, how’s it going mate. Men at Work are really good, but have you ever tried a vegemite sandwich? It’s very much an acquired taste.

      1. Oh it’s quite an experience, that’s for sure. Personally I have it on buttered toast, and it’s probably a lot better for you than Nutella.

          1. it’s OK to see it but the best experience is when you actually taste it. :innocent1_tb:

          2. Ah! Silly me for not seeing that. Then again, I suppose it could almost be like those Elvis sightings.

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