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I’ve got a couple of jokes for this weeks Friday Funnies. The first is a joke about a lie detecting robot!  :tongue_laugh_ee:

The Lie Detecting Robot Joke

Robot Joke Friday FunniesA father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”

Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”

Son says, “Toy Story.”

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”

Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

I wonder if the robot sale came with a warning notice?  :hey_you:

 

Male or Female?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples to highlight exactly what I mean.

Friday Funnies glad wrap

 

 

FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

 

 

 

Friday Funnies photocopier

 

PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

 

 

 

Friday Funnies Tires

 

TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

 

 

 

Friday Funnies hot Air Balloon

 

 

HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

 

 

 

 

Friday Funnies sponges

 

SPONGES:

These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

 

 

Friday Funnies web pages

 

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

 

 

 

 

Friday Funnies trains

 

TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

 

 

 

Friday Funnies Egg Timer

 

 

 

EGG TIMERS:

Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Funnies Hammers

 

HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

 

 

Friday Funnies Remore Control

 

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

 

 

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to share this post with your friend to brighten up their day.

Looking for more jokes? You’ll find some great sports related jokes at funny sports jokes.

 

 

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I got some emails that all has something to do with heaven or hell. They were pretty funny which is why I’ve called this post Funny Side Of Heaven Or Hell.

Funny Side of Heaven Or Hell #1

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know shit?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

Funny Side Of Heaven Or Hell #2

Funny Side Of Heaven Or HellAn old lady dies and goes to Heaven. On arriving, she’s chatting with Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates when suddenly she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams!

Seeing her alarm, Saint Peter says soothingly: “Don’t worry about that, it’s just one of the new
arrivals having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades to fit her wings.”

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on chatting with Saint Peter. A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

“Oh my Goodness,” exclaims the old lady, “Now what’s happening to her?”

“Not to worry,” replies Saint Peter, “She’s just having her head drilled to fit her halo.”

“I can’t do this,” says the old lady, “I’m going down to Hell instead.”

“You can’t go to that nasty place,” says Saint Peter, “You’ll be raped and sexually abused.”

“Maybe so,” replies the old lady, “But I’ve already got the holes for that.”

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to make your friends smile by sharing this with them.  :drunk_tb:

 

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For this Friday Funnies I though I would thrill you with a naughty little Johnny joke. I figured why not seeing as how everybody loves a naughty little Johnny joke, right?  :thumbup_ee:

As usual this naughty Little Johnny joke takes place at school.

Naughty Little Johnny Joke To Make You Laugh

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them  thinking.

“Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the teacher.

‘Who is credited with writing the phrase, ‘To be or not to be, that is the question’?” asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, ‘Shakespeare’. ‘Well done!’ said the teacher, ‘You can have Monday off.

” ‘No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.’ said Little Pham Lam Nguyen. ‘Well okay,’ said the teacher.

The next quote is, “I had a dream!” Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!” “Well done!” said the teacher. ‘You can have Monday off”

“No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school.

Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too.” said little Fri Sum Kat. ‘Okay,’ said the teacher.

Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, “F***ing Asians!” “Who said that?” yelled the teacher in an angry tone.  “Donald Trump!” yelled little Johnny. “See ya Tuesday ………..”

Yeah, you just have to love a naughty little Johnny joke  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Here’s another one for you!

naughty little johnny joke

And finally, I have naughty little Johnny featuring in a video :wink_ee:

If you enjoyed that video why not head on over to YouTube and give it a thumbs up!

Don’t forget to share this weeks Friday Funnies with your friends  :drunk_tb:

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About Peter Pelliccia"