Kiwi Joke Friday Funnies #141

Hey guys, welcome to this weeks Friday Funnies #141. Today I’ve going to take you to another part of the world, one which I don’t think we have visited before. Even though today’s joke takes place in Australia it’s poking fun at a New Zealander, or as we lovingly refer to them Kiwi’s. So, without further ado I give you our first ever kiwi Joke.

Kiwi Joke

Kiwi Joke

 Wiremu, a New Zealander, was on the dole in Australia but about to fly home to watch the Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

“Hey doc, I dun’t feel so good, ey!” said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.

“No way, doc,” replied Wiremu. “I’m gitting a sicond opinion, ey!”

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also 
advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. 
Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around 
the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last 
opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: “Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate suckness, ey.”

“What’s the cure thin, doc?” asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

“Wull, Wiremu”, said the Kiwi doctor, “Wi’re gonna huv to cut off your balls.”

“Phew, thunk god for thut!” said Wiremu, “Those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!”   :lol_tb:  

Just goes to show how language can sometimes lead to funny situations.

The next joke shows how sometimes thinking outside the box can resolve problems.

Sleeping with Bob

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob, and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you?

He said, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”

The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!

He said, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”
The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man’s man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said.

They couldn’t believe it.. They said, “Man, what happened?”

He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.”

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you got a kick out of it.

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014

Using YouTube To Leverage Traffic To Your Site

I love creating YouTube videos. It’s true that wasn’t always the case. The thought of putting a video online used to terrify me. Now, I’m always thinking of new videos to put online.

Last December, man I can’t believe it was that long ago, I wrote a post on How To Make Money With YouTube! Since writing that post I have continued to upload videos and they are actually making me money. Not heaps of money, but then it’s a work in progress.

Yesterday I uploaded my latest YouTube video which you can watch below. I have to be completely honest though. The idea for the video was not my own. The idea came from one of Marc Sylvester’s, the creator of The Logo Creator, tutorials.

Using my Camtasia for Mac, The Logo Creator, Google search and my Aussie wit I put together the first of what I hoped to be a series of videos together. One that I’m hoping will not only make me heaps of money but will also send a truck load of traffic to the best ever sports betting site:innocent1_tb:

Using YouTube To Leverage Traffic

To be successful the video had to be sports related. It also had to be something that could attract a lot of interest. As Marc pointed out this type of video has attracted a lot of attention in the past and so there is no reason why it shouldn’t do so again. Just check out the image below.

Using YouTube To Leverage Traffic To Your Site

Notice how the fist video has received over 11 million views in just a year! Man I’d be happy with just 10% of that.

It took me a lot longer than normal to produce that video. I had to source the best high qualaity photos on the web which I could use. I then had to place them in the right order and come up with something smart to say that would amuse the viewers.

Finally I added a photo with the promise of more hot sports babes  with a link leading to my Hot Sports Babes posts. That way I get the traffic as well as increasing my YouTube earnings.

Just a couple of things to finish off. I just notice that with only 66 videos I now have 206 subscribers. That’s more than I have for this blog.  :party:

If you like the video I’d love for you to give it the old thumbs up.  :drunk_tb:

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014

Children Are Funny Friday Funnies #140

Children ARE funny! It’s a well known fact. Usually it’s their innocence that makes children funny.  Half the time when you’re laughing at something they’ve said or done they don’t even know why you’re laughing.

Today I got this email full of funny stuff that kids have said that will prove to everyone that children are funny.

The Children Are Funny Series

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
‘How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked her pupil.
‘Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,’ answered the child innocently.
‘You did WHAT?’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ and it didn’t move’

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…..’Da-ad….’
‘What?’
‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’
‘No, You had your chance. Lights out.’
Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaad…..’
‘WHAT?’
‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’
‘ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!’
Five minutes later…….’Daaaa-aaaad…..’
‘WHAT!’
‘When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?’

3.. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven? ‘
The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?’
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: ‘The big sissy.’

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?’
The little girl replied, directly into the minister’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mum says it’s a bitch to iron.’

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, ‘Mummy, you are getting fat!’
I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.’
‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your bum?’

7.. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….’
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’
The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mum.’
‘And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked
‘Yes,’ he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in math?’
The teach er replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’
The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?’
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’

8.. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.. She read, ‘… and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’
The teacher paused then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’
One little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.’
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, ‘I’m Jane Sugarbrown.’
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, ‘Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?’
She replied, ‘I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.’

10. A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I go outside and play with the boys?’
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.’
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?’

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your muffin..’
She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’

Now keep that smile on your face and share it with someone else!!

Children are funny

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2014
About Peter Pelliccia"