Italian Lover Friday Funnies #152

Everyone knows that the Italian lover is one of the best lovers you’ll ever find. And I’m not just saying that because I have Italian blood running through my veins either.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

The following story is about how much this particular Italian lover is willing to go through to satisfy his latest conquest. It’s no surprise that Italian lovers are so dedicated when it comes to satisfying their partners because it’s all a matter of pride. ;)

The Italian Lover

The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?” She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. “No.”

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, “You finish?”

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, “No.”

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, “You finish??

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear… “No, I Norwegian.”

Finally, another little joke that I found and put together with help from the Logo Creator. Not exactly about an Italian lover but still has something to do with sex :wink:

Italian Lover

 

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50 Shades Of Grey Friday Funnies #151

Have you ever heard of 50 Shades Of Grey? Apparently it’s a erotic romance novel by British Author E.L. James. I’ve never read it but I hear it was really popular. I reckon what made 50 Shades Of Grey so popular had more to do with the erotica than it did with the romance side of it.

That’s why I got a little excited when I got this short version of 50 Shades Of Grey in my email.

Short Version Of 50 Shades Of Grey

Back and forth . . . . back and forth . . . .
In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . .  she let out a piercing scream . . . .
She shouted . . . .

“OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can’t parallel park . . . .
You do it . . . . !!”

Not quite what you expected was it?  :tongue_laugh_ee: Short of reminded me of this poem about a another passionate encounter I wrote about some time ago.

50 Shades Of Grey

 I found the little meme about 50 Shades Of Grey on the internet that I thought was quite fitting for this post. I reckon there may be some truth to it too. :wink_ee:

To finish off this weeks Friday Funnies I’m going to give you a bit of childhood innocence. I found it cute and funny.

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

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Political Humour Friday Funnies #150

For today’s Friday Funnies I thought I would write about a little political humour. As usual I got the following bit of political humour in my email. I’m constantly amazed how some people can come up with some of this stuff. It’s really quite witty.

Political Humour 2015

WELCOME to 2015:
 
• Our Phones – Wireless

• Cooking – Fireless

• Cars – Keyless

• Food – Fatless

• Tires –Tubeless

• Dress – Sleeveless

• Youth – Jobless

• Leaders – Shameless

• Relationships – Meaningless

• Attitudes – Careless

• Babies – Fatherless

• Feelings – Heartless

• Education – Valueless

• Children – Mannerless

• Country – Godless
 
We are SPEECHLESS,
Government is CLUELESS,
 
And our Politicians are WORTHLESS !
 
I’m scared – Shitless!!

The thing with most political humour is that not everybody finds them funny. It all depends on which side of the political fence you’re sitting on. That being the case it’s pretty hard trying to find political humour that someone won’t find offensive. Luckily I fount the following cartoon that I reckon almost everyone would agree with.

political humour

That image has a hell of a lot of truth in it. It never ceased to amaze me how politicians never have to tighten their belts but the rest of the country has to.

While there are probably a lot of honest politicians out there I’m sure there are also some shady ones as well. Have you ever wondered how some companied win government contracts? I know there are times when a lot of people are left scratching their heads after some contracts are one. A lot of the time it doesn’t include local businesses and other times you know they could have done better with the price.

I wonder if maybe the following joke has some truth in it?

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

And that my loyal readers is the end of another Friday Funnies. I sure hope you enjoyed this weeks political humour.

Continue here…

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