Prostitute Joke Friday Funnies #169

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a prostitute joke. The first prostitute joke was part of Friday Funnies #157. Another prostitute joke can be found in Friday Funnies #114. OK, it wasn’t really a true prostitute joke, but it did have prostitute in the content.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

The Irish Prostitute Joke

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. ‘Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?’

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff … Dad … I became a prostitute.’

‘Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’

‘OK, Dad.. As ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a £5 million
savings certificate.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex.

And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club …
(takes a breath) … And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’

‘What was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!

Then I came across the image below which I think is pretty funny.

prostitute joke

That’s it for another Fridays Funnies. If you’re looking for some more laughs you should check out my sports jokes.

If you have a website and would like me to link to it why not send me your funniest joke. If I include it as part of my Friday Funnies I’ll link to your website giving you credit.

 

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Orgasm Joke Friday Funnies #168


Orgasm aren’t normally considered to be funny. That’s because people normally associate orgasms with ecstasy than hilarity. That being the case there are times when you can laugh at orgasms. That’s usually when you come across some funny jokes the revolve around orgasms in general.

Orgasms The Funny Side Of Ecstasy

The first one happens to a man sitting next to a woman who is obviously enjoying herself, perhaps a little too much.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

A young lady was sat on an airplane when she suddenly sneezed, “Aaaaatchooooooooo! Ooooooh oh yeah.”

The man sat next to her asked if she was okay. She replied, “I’m wonderful, never felt better.”

A short while later she sneezed again, “Aaaaatchoooo! Oh my god! oh yeah!”

Again the man enquired if she was okay. She replied, “Ooooh wonderful, never felt better.”

A few minutes later she does it again, “Aaaatchooooooooooo! Oh uh uh oh yeah oh god yeah!”

The man by this time was a bit concerned, he enquired again, “are you okay? What’s with all the moaning?”

She replied, “I have a medical condition, every time I sneeze, I orgasm.”

“Wow!”, replied the man, “Are you taking anything for it?”

“Yes”, she answered, “Pepper.”

Then there’s this bloke who reckons we’re doing things back to front. This is how he sees it.

I want to live my next life backwards :You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.You work 40 years until you”re too young to work.

You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you”re generally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then…

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like conditions – central heating, room service on tap, and then…

You finish off as an orgasm.I rest my case.

I have to admit, life does sound a little better when you look at it that way.  :day_dreaming:

Finally we take a look at a couple of kids impression of an orgasm.

orgasm joke

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you enjoyed learning all about orgasms.  :drunk_tb:

Don’t forget to check out my Sports Jokes.

 

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Public Service Friday Funnies #167


It’s been a pretty hard week but I always make sure I have enough time to come up with a Friday Funnies post. Today’s Friday Funnies is #167 which means I’ve been doing these posts for over two years. I reckon that’s a pretty good milestone. Truth be told I never thought I’d be able to keep these jokes going for so long. But I’m so glad I have and I plan to keep them coming.

Usually people working for the public service are considered to have a pretty cushy and secure jobs. Unfortunately working for the public service isn’t as safe as it used to be. The following joke tries to poke a bit of fun at those working for the public service.

Public Service Employee Notice For Older People

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off

Talk about looking at the funny side of acronyms  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Now for some funny images that have nothing to do with the public service although I’m sure they’ve passed many of these through internal emails.  :thumbup_ee:

Mmm, I wonder if those public servants will take up her offer?  :no_way:

public service

The bottom image isn’t really that accurate, she online needs one excuse, the old headache one.  :lol_ee:   Read the rest of this entry

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About Peter Pelliccia"