Old Folks Jokes Friday Funnies #154

Hey Friday Funnies fans. I’ve had a really busy week and I have to work the weekend, but even so I enjoyed writing this weeks Friday Funnies post for you. Sure hope you like it.

The Following are a couple of funny old folks jokes. The first one is of some guy visiting a new GP.

Old Folk Jokes At The GP

I recently picked a new G.P. doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (yeah I just reached 65).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’

He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

‘Oh not much grog these days and don’t smoke’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?

‘I said, ‘Not much…. my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?’

‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?’

‘No,’ I said…

He looked at me and said, ‘Then, why the **** do you want to live to 85?

old folks jokes

The second old folks jokes about this woman who is celebrating her 80th birthday.

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says’I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’

The bartender says ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’

The old woman says ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming up’ says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’

The old woman says ‘Thank you.. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming right up’ the bartender says. As he gives her the drink,he says ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’

The old woman replies ‘Sonny, when you’re my age, You’ve learned how to hold your liquor…
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

I hope you liked this weeks Friday Funnies. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back for the next Friday Funnies post.

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Hey guys welcome to this weeks Friday Funnies. Technically it’s Saturday over here Down Under but I post this with the knowledge that its Friday somewhere out there.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

This weeks Friday Funnies is all about beautiful women and how they can get us blokes into trouble.

Beautiful Women Getting Men In Trouble

Please hold my e-mails for a while. I am in hospital. I was badly attacked by a woman in an elevator. A witness got her photo. See below. figer down big1

beautiful women

I was in the elevator when she got in. I was casually staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press “1”?”

I did…and I don’t remember much afterwards, but I guess I pushed the wrong one!

 I May be out of the hospital in a few days.

 What makes this especially funny for me is that it actually happened to a friend of mine some time again. He was waking into a supermarket when he almost bumped into one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Not only was she beautiful but she had this huge set of tits. The way he explained it to me was he was just staring at them and thinking to himself, “Are they for real?” The problem was he was actually thinking out loud and this busty beautiful woman didn’t appreciate it one little bit and slapped him.  :lol_tb:  

The next image shows you just how much women differ from men in the way they think. This is for all women, it doesn’t matter if they’re beautiful women or just plain Jane.

how beautiful women think

There are two main differences and one similarity. The main difference is the woman’s poem is wordy where the man’s is short and to the point. They’re similar in that they’re both highly unlikely to occur.

That’s it for another Friday Funnies. I sure hope you enjoyed it. Perhaps enough to share it with your social media friends. :wink_ee:

Do you like sports jokes? If you do you should check out Ez eSports Betting Sports Jokes.

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Choices For Time Clock Systems A Necessity

Choices for Time Clock Systems

Choosing a time clock for your company is a very personal process, and one that is as individualized as choosing the right telecommunications system and security system. You see, there are many types of time clock systems available, and depending on the type and size of your business, and your own needs and preferences, you may find that one type of time clock is preferable to another. Visit this website for suggestions on what might work best for you.

It used to be that time clocks did not vary much from the traditional punch-paper fashion, but today you’ll find that there are many different computerized options, including time clock systems that can be integrated into existing business networks and POS systems, biometric clocks, and high-tech systems that are appropriate for security-conscious businesses, such as fingerprint scanners and even voice recognition systems.

You should know that if you would prefer to use a paper-based time clock system, such systems are still available, though you may have to dig a bit in order to find them. Paper-based systems are more laborious and hands-on, which means the chances of errors and/or abuse are higher. It’s for this reason that most businesses have switched over to electronic systems, but since some businesses may still want or need to use paper systems, you can find them. Paper-based time clock systems will print or press time stamps onto cards, and the cards are stored with the clock.

For an electronic-based system, you’ll have many options available to you:

standalone time clock systems that require employees to log in and out only at that unit

integrated systems that enable employees to log in and out at any computer or POS system

fully integrated systems that offer management the option to log in and out and check on employee logs remotely

While paper-based time clocks require each employee to have a separate paper card for punching in and out, electronic time clocks provide a myriad of options that include:

barcode-based badges

badges or cards with magnetic stripes

pin codes

proximity-based badges (usually contain a special chip)

advanced options for recognizing fingerprints, facial features, and voice

 

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