Friday Funnies #197 Great Jokes


Yep, it’s the third Friday of a brand new year and time for another Friday Funnies. I can’t believe we’re up to Friday Funnies #197. Another three Friday Funnies and we’ll hit the big 200!

As you know all my Friday Funnies originate from emails I receive from my mates. Some of them I just copy and paste straight into my Friday Funnies posts. Others I use The Logo Creator to make cool images like the one below.

Friday Funnies

As you know images are a great SEO tool which is why I always use them in all of my posts. The Logo Creator ensures my images to be unique and hopefully more likely to be shared.

Enough waffle lets get on with the second funnies of this post, the first one being the image above.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Friday Funnies By A Smart Old Geezer

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr.Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.” 

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer’s clinic. 

Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.” 

Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back.That will be $500.” 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young:  “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Dr. Young:  “Oh, no you don’t,  — that is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back 
.
That will be $500.” 

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. 

Dr.Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!! 

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, ” Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill) 

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10! 

Dr. Geezer:  “Congratulations! You got your vision back!  ; That will be $500.” Moral of story  — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”* 

Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. 

Dr. Geezer’s Clinic

And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope it made your day and that you have a great and safe weekend.

Oh yeah, don’t forget to share this post with your friends. :drunk_tb: Oh, and one last thing. Take a look and my Gift Store, my latest money making venture. Stay tuned for a post on how you can have your very own gift store.

 

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Get Your US Powerball Ticket Online

In case you’re wondering why you should even bother buying a US Powerball ticket it’s because it’s currently worth US$1.3 BILLION! That’s right, the current jackpot for the US Powerball is a phenomenal US$1.3 Billion. I’m sure that is the biggest jackpot every.

I’ve already purchased 200 lines in this weeks Powerball. Normally that would cost you about a thousand bucks but I did it for only US$13.64. Then reason I got it so cheaply is because I joined a syndicate. I did all this through theLotter! You can see the first 9 of 200 lines in the image below.

Powerball Syndicate Increase Chance Of Winning

Powerball Syndicate ticket

My actual outlay was US$27.28 because I bought two shares. Being part of a syndicate means that you share the winnings with all syndicate members. That means if we won we would have to share the winnings with 200 members. So we would each receive US$6.5 million dollars! Because I bought to shares in the US Powerball I would win US$13 million. I reckon I could live with that.

As you know I’ve been promoting online lotteries for years now. I’ve lost count of the amount of people telling me that you can’t trust online lottery agents. They reckon that even if you were lucky enough to win the US Powerball you would never see the money. I can tell you it’s pretty hard to convince those people that it is safe to buy your lottery tickets online. Now I finally have proof.

I wrote about that proof in my post the Biggest Online Lottery Winner. That link will take you to one of my lottery sites. Because of the huge US Powerball my lottery sites are getting a whole lot of traffic. Traffic which are creating a whole lot of sales. If you took my advice and joined those lottery affiliates I recommended you will be seeing some of that cash yourself. :drunk_tb:

The question now is are you just going to sit there wondering what it would be like to have all that  money or are you going to do something about making your dreams come true by buying a lottery ticket online.

 

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The thing I love about Friday Funnies is that humorous stories don’t all have to be actual jokes. Today’s Friday Funnies post is about a 5 minute management course that I found to be really funny.

Each course consists of one lesson and one ‘morals of the story’ I found some of them to be really funny. I hope you find them funny as well.

Funny Five Minute Management Course

LESSON:1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2: 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 

Lesson 3: 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: 

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: 

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: 

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him..
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

funny bird in shit

Morals of the story: 
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
 
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
 

Thus ends our funny five minute management course. I hope you’ve found it both funny and informative! If you did maybe you can share it with five funny people you know and make their day!

Remember you can get more laughs from my Sports Jokes category. Also stay tuned for an up and coming post where I with about my latest plugin acquisition. One that allows me to have my very own online gift store.  It will show you an excellent way to finally make some money online.

 

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About Peter Pelliccia"