A married Irish couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, ‘I’ ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.’
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The irishman asked the man, ‘How could sandals make you a sex God?’
The Jamaican replied, ‘Just try dem on, Mon.’
Well, theirishman, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the Irishman grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming in panic:\ ‘You got dam on de wrong feet!’
Irish Humour In Dublin The Doctor Is In
A doctor in Dublin? Wanted to get off work, so he approached his assistant? ? “Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.
“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.
“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!’
“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”And sent her to Spec savers.
Just to finish off I’ve put something together using The Creator.
People just love jokes that make you laugh. It’s because they love jokes that make you laugh so much that my Friday Funnies series is so popular. Believe it or not it’s now the most popular topic on this blog bringing more traffic than any other topic.
I’m hoping that todays Friday Funnies post will continue the jokes that make you laugh tradition.
To start off I have a really funny cartoon to show you.
Exercise Jokes That Make You Laugh
THE BOTTLE OF WINE & WISDOM
The next one is for all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you were not married! This is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine.
Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Fred tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Fred.
“What in bag?”- asked the old man.
Fred looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said: – “Good trade!”
Do you remember the Mary had a little lamb nursery rhyme? Here is a version that is a little different.
How about the Mary had a little lamb one?
Then there is always Humpty Dumpty,
Finally, have you ever heard the term being up shit creek without a paddle? Well apparently it actually exists! Or so the email I got the other day says. Apparently It is just outside Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA.
Somehow you just always knew it was out there … somewhere.
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. Promise me you will never look in it.”
All their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hillary was shocked, but thought, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. And since I know he’s addicted to sex, three times is not too bad.” She said, “OK Bill, I guess I can forgive you.
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.”
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling centre.”
All jokes aside I’m rooting for Hillary to win the Presidency because I think it would be a real joke if Trump won not to mention an utter catastrophe.
On a brighter note, what one little girl said when asked what her father did.
The Logo Creator SoftwareThe Logo Creator is a software product for both Mac and Windows. It creates logos, page headers, web graphics and SO much more!
WP LinkizerWP Linkizer automatically turns every link into your blogs content into a money making machine. It does this by split testing multiple anchor text phrases and defaulting to the phrase thats gets the highest click through rate.
SoreThumb - You Just Can't Ignore It!SoreThumb is a revolutionary new way to help you make DAMN sure that the visitors on your site take notice of your ads, your links, your call-to-actions, your opt-in-boxes, your social icons and like buttons – it’s like your own personal spotlight operato
CommentLuv Premium - Unlimited LicenseThe famous CommentLuv Premium is active on over 50,000 WordPress blogs. Finally available on JVZoo. Increase your comments, traffic and encourage visitors to share your posts. Affiliates http://ql2.me/clpaff
Covert MessengerNew WordPress Plugin Lets You Easily Create Cool Intant Messenger Ads On Your Blogs - These Ads Will Suck Your Visitors In and Literally Force Them To Click On Any Link You Want!
Covert Social BuzzCovert Social Buzz - Brand New WordPress Plugin That Will Increase Your Social Traffic In 5 Minutes Or Less!
Covert Geo TargeterNew WordPress Plugin Lets You Easily Geo Target Your Blog And Insert Your Visitor's Actual Geo Location Anywhere On Your Blogs - Resulting In A Massive Boost In Conversions and Revenue!