Nursing Home Joke

Friday Funnies #173 is about a nursing home joke. Some say you need a sense of humour to work in a nursing home. You know, I think they may be right. I don ‘t know if the following story actually happened. Having said that I do believe it’s possible though and it certainly pretty funny.

Nursing Home Humour

An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.

‘Yes, Nurse  Tracy ,’ said Mr. Wallace. ‘My Private Part died today, and I am
very sad.’

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.’

The following day, Mr.. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pyjamas. He met Nurse Tracy.

‘Mr.. Wallace,’ she said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that! Please put your
Private Part back inside your pyjamas.’

‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr. Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.’

‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy , ‘you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?’

(You’ve gotta love this.)

‘Well,’ he replied, ‘Today is the viewing.’   :lol_ee:  

I found the following funny nursing home image whilst doing a Google search on nursing home jokes.

nursing home pill fight

And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope it starts you off on a great weekend. Don’t forget to have a great and safe weekend.

Don’t forget, if you want more funny jokes head on over to ezesportsbetting sports jokes.

 

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Drunk Wife Joke


Usually when people get drunk they can do the craziest things. Sometimes their escapades can be really funny. This is exactly why women should avoid a girls night out after they are married….
If this doesn’t make you laugh out loud, you’ve lost your sense of humour. It’s all about the antics of a drunk wife’s antics after a girl’s night out.

Drunk Wife Joke

The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls’. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.  Around 3 am, a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed…. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos total 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in?

I told him’MIDNIGHT’… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock!’

When I asked him why, he said,

‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”  :drunk_tb:

drunk wife joke

Keeping with the drunk wife theme, a wife being a woman and all, I put the next drunk woman joke together using the Logo Creator.

drunk woman joke

And so ends another Friday funnies. Just a word of warning to those of you who are just about to reach the drinking age. Getting drunk to the point where you don’t remember what you did the night before is a waste of time and money. Honestly, how can you know you had a good time when you have no memory of it?

Want more jokes? Why not check out my funny sports jokes.

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A Husbands Forgetfulness Friday Funnies #171

Husbands are renown for forgetting stuff like anniversaries, birthdays and the like. Some, like this weeks Friday Funnies may have a hard time remembering certain aspects of their wife’s appearance.

Husband Forgetfulness

Husband Reports Missing Wife

A husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing.

  Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

  Sergeant: What is her height?

  Husband: Gee, I’m not sure, a little over five-feet tall.

  Sergeant: Weight?

  Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

  Sergeant: Colour of Eyes?

  Husband: Never noticed.

  Sergeant: Colour of hair?

  Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

  Sergeant: What was she wearing?

  Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

  Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

  Husband: She went in my truck.

  Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new Toyota Hilux 4×4 Four cylinders, in-line, belt-driven DOHC, aluminium alloy head. 17″ alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Chrome side bars with integrated steps. Custom leather seats and fluffy steering wheel cover. 18 disc CD changer and 21 channel CB. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

 At the point the husband started choking up.

 Sergeant: Don’t worry mate, we’ll find your truck. 

 I’m sure this is an American joke because we sure as hell don’t call trucks over here in Aus! Our Trucks are a hell of a lot bigger. :tongue_laugh_ee:  

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About Peter Pelliccia"