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Funny Nun Jokes

Are you ready for some funny nun jokes? You are? Good, because this week’s Friday Funnies is all about funny nun jokes.

Funny Nun Jokes #1

The first of our funny nun jokes takes place in a monastery of silence.

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Abbot said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Abbot said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.”
Sister Mary Katherine said, “Hard bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot said, “We will get you a better bed.”
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Abbot, “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”
“Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Abbot assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbot again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. He said, “You may say two words today.”
“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.”
The Abbot said, “It’s probably for the best, you’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here!”

Funny Nun Jokes #2

This next nun joke proves two things, see if you can guess what they are. You can tell me in the comments below  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Mother Superior: “Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you’re accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?”

Sister Maria: “I would lift my habit, Mother Superior.”

Mother Superior (shocked): “And what would you do next?”

Sister Maria: “I would tell him to drop his pants.”

Mother Superior: (even more shocked) “And what then?”

Sister Maria: “I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down.”

Finally, I put a little something together for you with The Creator.

Funny Nun Jokes

If you’re still looking for laughs you should check out my Laughaholics videos. Perhaps something more revealing? Then my Hot Sports Babes videos are what you’re after. Otherwise just browse through the rest of my Friday Funnies.

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Vacation Jokes Friday Funnies #306

This week’s Friday Funnies is about vacation jokes. You may not know this, but the hardest thing about writing the Friday Funnies is to come up with the right keywords for my SEO! Take vacation jokes for example. While this joke is all about a vacation joke, the keywords ‘vacation jokes’ does not appear in the joke at all. Which is why I padding this paragraph with the vacation jokes keywords.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Trip To Italy Vacation Jokes

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the
hairdresser, who responded:

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty! You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser.” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome ‘s Tiber River called Teste.”

“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope..”

“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were terrific, and I had a handsome 28-year-old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it’s a jewel, the most elegant hotel in the city. They,
too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh, really! What’d he say ?”

He said: “what the fuck happened to your hair?”

Vacation Jokes At The Dentist

Naturally, for SEO reasons of course :wink_ee: , I couldn’t end this post without the usual image from The Creator.

Vacation Jokes

If you really want to laugh your head off, you have to check out my funny Little Johnny Jokes. Of course, you could always go through my Friday Funnies category.

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Motorbike Joke Friday Funnies #305

This week’s Friday Funnies is centred around a motorbike joke. As usual, I got this motorbike joke in an email, and I was sure you guys would love it.

Friday Funnies Motorbike Joke

While riding my motorbike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a gorgeous woman who asked, “Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a very short mini skirt and a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for…

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!”

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”
Well, she was gorgeous and very persuasive.

Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile while removing her clothes and exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen.
“Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything … and by the way, where is she?”

“Still in the ditch with my motorbike, I replied.”

And, what’s a Friday Funnies joke without the customary motorbike joke image created by The Creator:drunk_tb:

Motorbike Joke

While you’re here why not check out my latest YouTube Short Story. If you like it, don’t forget to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on future short stories.

You may also want to check out some of my other Friday Funnies!

 

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More Funny Stuff Friday Funnies #304

Yep, it’s time for some more funny stuff for this weeks Friday Funnies. Like the majority of funny stuff that appears on Friday Funnies this I received this one in an email. You’ll have to excuse all the capitals as I copied and pasted it here. I just couldn’t be bothered retyping it all again.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

More Funny Stuff To Make You Laugh

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL……YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GREY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL.

‘YES, YES I DID. I’M A MORGANNER! ‘HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

‘WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?’ I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

‘YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’ I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD ASKED.

‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH?’

That was pretty damn funny, wasn’t it?

Now for my next bit of funny stuff, I’ve put something together using The Creator. Honestly, The Creator is one of my best blogging investments.

more funny stuffTo finish this week’s Friday Funnies off I’ve got my first Laughaholics video for you.


If you like my video please consider joining My Channel! This post will tell you all about My Bonza Channel and you can expect from it.

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