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Funniest Sex Joke Friday Funnies #327

Yep, today’s Friday Funnies is a hilarious sex joke. This sex joke revolves around a married couple’s use of Vaseline.

Vaseline Sex Joke

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, ‘I’m doing some research for Vaseline, Do you have a moment to answer a few questions?”

The woman agreed, and he continued. “Have you ever used the product?”

She says, “Yes, My husband and I use it all the time.”

“And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”

“We use it for sex.”

The researcher was a little taken back, “Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge, when, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty, and since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The woman says, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knobs, and it keeps the kids out.”

And you thought it was going to be a dirty joke. Shame on you.  :lol_ee:

Next, we have a man trying to explain why he got divorced.

Funniest sex joke

Divorcee’s Sex Joke

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot, and so did my kids. I went to work, and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss,” which made me feel so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

And finally, even though it’s not sex-related, I present to you my latest Laughaholics video of funniest Aussie Jokes.


Why not enjoy some of my other Friday Funnies posts.

 

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Testicle Jokes Friday Funnnies #326

Testicle jokes? Really, I’m doing a Friday Funnies about testicle jokes? I figure why not, as long as my testicle jokes make you laugh, right? Right!

A Hospital Testicle Jokes

Strangely enough, this first joke about testicles takes place in a hospital.

Hank is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. I’m very concerned – are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, gently holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles tenderly in the other. She looks very carefully and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen to me very, very closely: “Are – my – test – results – back?”

testicle jokes

Created with the Creator!

This isn’t the first joke I’ve included in Friday Funnies either. I did one way back in 2015, and you can read it here.

Strangely enough, there’s also a Little Johnny joke about testicles.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not entirely sure what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny’s eyes opened wide in amazement. “You know,” he said, “I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!”

Don’t forget to check out my funny Laughaholics videos for a lot more laughs.

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Suicide Jokes Friday Funnies #325

While suicide itself is an awful subject, one that is usually depressing, it doesn’t stop people from trying to write suicide jokes. I’ve come across two suicide jokes that I find pretty funny.

Suicide Jokes #1 Sailing To Italy

A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbour. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food, and I get a free trip to Italy .”

“I see,” the captain said.

Her conscience got the best of her, and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain.  “This is the Manly Ferry.”

Suicide Jokes #2 Aussie Suicide Counselling

suicide jokesThere is a desperate-looking woman who stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

Along comes this filthy tramp who just happens to be wandering by. He stops and says, “Look since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugs and turns away saying,”Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

The woman decides not to jump after all.

Don’t forget, you’ll get heaps more laughs reading the rest of my Friday Funnies. Or you could watch my funny Laughaholics videos.

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Funny Toons Friday Funnies #324

Todays Friday funnies is different from the norm in that it features a whole lot of funny toons. The creator of this funny toons is Sunil Agarwal and Ajit Ninan. If you guys are out there and would like me to link to your website just drop me a line and I’ll be more than happy to link to you guys. Love your funny toons to bits.

Sunil Agarwal and Ajit Ninan Funny Toons

Funny Toons Funny ToonsFunny Toons Funny Toons Funny Toons Funny Toons Funny Toons Funny Toons Funny Toons

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