Click Now!

"The

Bar Jokes Friday Funnies #323

For today’s Friday Funnies, I have a couple of bar Jokes. The first if my bar jokes is one of Sexy Sal’s blonde jokes but because it takes place in a bar I reckon it passes as one of my bar jokes.

Sexy Sal’s Blonde Bar Jokes

bar jokes Sexy Sal bar jokes

4 Men In A Bar Joke

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each
other, and then go in, thinking, ‘This is too good to be true.’

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What will It be, gentlemen?”

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis – shaken, not stirred – and says, “That’ll be 10
cents each, please.”

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.” They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.
They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”

“I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this
place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer – it’s all the same”

“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “They’re retirees from Australia. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”

That’s it, guys. Hope you enjoyed this week’s Friday Funnies! Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious Friday Funnies. You’ll also get heaps of laughs watching some of my really funny videos.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Dentist Joke Friday Funnies #322

I do believe I got my first ever dentist joke in my email today. A pretty funny dentist joke it was too. Funny enough that I thought it was a good fit for my Friday Funnies.

A Funny Dentist Joke

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly

dentist joke

realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth.”

The man said, “No problem.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said.

The man then said, “I have another pair – try these.”

The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.”

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, “I have one more pair. Try them.”

The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

“I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.”

It must be awful being a dentist when they have a difficult patient. Take this next dentist joke for example.

The Difficult Dental Patient

A man walks into the dentist’s office and after the dentist examines him, he says, “that tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novocain and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The man grabs the dentist’s arm, “no way. I hate needles I’m not having any shot!”

So the dentist says, “okay, we’ll have to go with the gas.”

The man replies, “absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I’m not having gas.”

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, “here,” he says. “Take this pill.”

The man asks “What is it?”

The doc replies, “Viagra.”

The man looks surprised, “will that kill the pain?” he asks.

“No,” replies the dentist, “but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!”

And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you like it. Don’t forget to check out my other Friday Funnies. I reckon you may even like my F Word video.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

This week’s Friday Funnies is a little bit different than my usual post. Today’s post contains a heap of memes that I received in one of my emails. These are all memes that make you smile. Some of the memes that make you smile contain images, and some don’t, but anyway you look at it they’re all memes that make you smile.

Fun Memes That Make You Smile

memes that make you smile memes that make you smile Read the rest of this entry

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Dunny Joke Friday Funnies #320

I got this poem about a dunny today which isn’t really a joke as such but it is pretty funny and so I’m posting in this weeks Friday Funnies as a dunny joke.

What a bloody rippa!

They were funny looking buildings, that were once a way of life,dunny joke
If you couldn’t sprint the distance, then you really were in strife.
They were nailed, they were wired, but were mostly falling down,
There was one in every yard, in every house, in every town.

They were given many names, some were even funny,
But to most of us, we knew them as the outhouse or the dunny.
I’ve seen some of them all gussied up, with painted doors and all,
But it really made no difference, they were just a port of call.

Now my old man would take a bet, he’d lay an even pound,
That you wouldn’t make the dunny with them turkeys hangin’ round.
They had so many uses, these buildings out the back,”
You could even hide from mother so you wouldn’t get the strap.

That’s why we had good cricketers, never mind the bumps,
We used the pathway for the wicket and the dunny door for stumps.
Now my old man would sit for hours, He read the daily back to front in that good old thunderbox.

And if by chance that nature called sometimes through the night,
You always sent the dog in first, for there was no flamin’ light.
And the dunny seemed to be the place where crawlies liked to hide,
But never ever showed themselves until you sat inside.

There was no such thing as Sorbent, no tissues there at all,
Just squares of well read newspaper, a-hangin’ on the wall.
If you had some friendly neighbours, as neighbours sometimes are,
You could sit and chat with them if you left the door ajar.

When suddenly you got the urge, and down the track you fled,
Then, of course, the Magpies were there to peck you on your head.
Then the time there was a wet, the rain it never stopped,
If you had an urgent call, you ran between the drops.

The dunny man came once a week, to these buildings out the back,
And he would leave an extra can if you left for him a zac.
For those of you who’ve no idea what I mean by a zac,
Then you’re too young to have ever had, a dunny out the back.

Luckily for us, those dunnies are pretty will a thing of the past. While they were a necessity some of them came with problems. The following joke shows one such dilemma.

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the dunny!”

Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the dunny.”

Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”

So Pa mosies out to the dunny, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the dunny!”

“Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”

Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!

“Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this dunny!”

Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”

To which Ma replies,”Hurts, don’t it?!”

Want more laughs? Check out the rest of my Friday Funnies.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018
About Peter Pelliccia"