Funny Sayings Friday Funnies #343

Do you like funny sayings? I love funny sayings. There are some who may refer to funny sayings as being related to proverbs. I'm not so sure as former are intended to either educate or give advice in some way. While the hilarous sayings you will find in this post may contain some helpful information, their sole purpose is to make you laugh. Funny Sayings In An Unfair World When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).  My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.  Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you..  Wife to husband: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy. Husband to wife:  I didn't expect to live this long!  As I grow older.... My mind doesn't just wander... Sometimes it buggers off completely.  As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.  Isn't it weird that in Australia our flag and culture can offend so many people, yet our benefits don’t? Of course, I have a talent. I'm exceptional in bed. There are times when I sleep more than 9 hours in one go. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. We're all born free and then we're taxed to death If you're not supposed to eat…

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Marriage Humour Friday Funnies #342

Marriage is a serious business and yet there is a hell of a lot of marriage humour floating around. Take this simple story of marriage humour of a poor husband denied a fishing trip with his mates. Marriage Humour & The Fishing Trip Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip. Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.  Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but there is nothing they can they do.  A couple of days later the three arrived at the campsite only to find Frank sitting there, tent already up, firewood gathered and fish cooking on the fire.  "Damn it, man, how long have you been here and how the hell did you talk your wife into letting you go?"  "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘'Guess who?"  I pulled her hands off and saw she was wearing a brand new see through nightdress. She then took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over.   Then, slowly she said, "Now do whatever you want."  Here I am. How about this for a bit of marriage humour? Don't go away just yet, I have more marriage humour for you. A man and woman, complete strangers, were on a train travelling together. As it turned out they…

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Smart Parrot Jokes

For today's Friday Funnies, I've put together a small collection of funny parrot jokes. As I've already used the 'parrot jokes' keyword phrase in a previous post I thought I'd get around that by using smart parrot jokes for this post. Smart Parrot Jokes #1 A burglar was busily stealing jewellery and valuables from a house, when a parrot on a perch behind him says, "Jesus is watching you."  The thief takes no notice and continues his stealing. The parrot repeats, " Jesus  is watching you."      The thief becomes annoyed and snaps at the parrot, "Who do you think you are ?"     The parrot says " Moses!"      "That's a funny name for a parrot !"      The parrot replies, "Not half as funny as a Rottweiler dog named "Jesus !" Smart Parrot Jokes #2 A man goes into a pet shop with the intention of buying a parrot. After a brief conversation the shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."  "Bullshit," says the man! "Why does that parrot cost so much?" To which the owner replies, "Well, that parrot knows how to do legal research." The customer, astounded, then asks about the next parrot. To his surprise, he learned that the second parrot would set him back $1,000! The reason he was given was that it could do everything the other parrot could do as well as being able to write a brief that could win any case. When he…

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