Click Now!

Kiwi Castaway Friday Funnies #299

Today’s Friday Funnies is all about a Kiwi castaway and Scarlet Johanson.

Kiwi Castaway & Scarlett Johansson

Kiwi Castaway & Scarlett JohanssonA Kiwi castaway washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. The only other survivors were a sheep and a sheepdog.They were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, the Kiwi castaway got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely kiwi castaway. Soon he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Scarlet Johanson. Many weeks passed by. Then one evening there was a truly amazing sunset. That evening, the man brought Scarlet to the beach to watch the sunset. It amazingly beautiful, red sky, cirrus clouds and a warm and gentle breeze. A perfect night for romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but finally gave in and leaned over to Scarlet and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.

Scarlet batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?

He said, ‘Can you take the dog for a walk?’

I’m sure this is an old joke that some Aussie has doctored to poke fun at the Kiwis. In case you don’t get it, people around here have been making fun of the Kiwi’s and their fascination for sheep for years.

On a more important note, you should check out my latest video about Formula 1 banning grid girls. What a travesty. I wrote about it as well, the post is called Formula1 Bans Grid Girls. Or, if you’re looking for more laughs, see the rest of my Friday Funnies.


Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Funny F Word Friday Funnies #295

Who ever thought that the F word could be funny. I know I didn’t until I got an email all about the F word. Before I get to that though, I have to tell you, this isn’t the first time I’ve written about the F word. Nope, ages ago I even wrote an F word poem.

So, when is F#$% Acceptable?

There are only 11 times in history where the F word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

F Word In History

  1. “What the F#$% do you mean, we are sinking?” — Capt. EJ. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912f word
  2. “What the F#$% was that?” — Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
  3. “Where did all those F#$%ing Indians come from?” — George Custer, 1877
  4. “Any @#F%ing idiot could understand that.” — Albert Einstein, 1938
  5. “It does so F#$%ing look like her!” — Picasso, 1926
  6. “How the F#$% did you work that out?” — Pythagoras, 126 BC
  7. “You want WHAT on the F#$%ing ceiling?” — Michelangelo, 1566
  8. “Where the F#$% are we?” — Amelia Earhart, 1937
  9. “Scattered F#$%ing showers, my ass!” — Noah, 4314 BC
  10. “Aw c’mon Monica. Who the F#$% is going to find out?” — Bill Clinton, 1998
    And the best one ever has to be……
  11. “There is no F#$%ing way Trump will ever become President” — Hilary Clinton 2016

As it turns out, my F poem wasn’t the only post that included the “F” word. There was this other post all about political correctness that I know you’re going to love. A word of warning though, that post actually contains the F word so you may want to take that into consideration.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Truth be told. I think that the “F” word gets used way too much today. Heck. so many comedians must think that’s it’s mandatory to throw the F word into their jokes. You can’t blame them either the way folk laugh at their jokes.

It’s such a shame that todays comedians can’t be more like some of the old classic comedians like Abbott and Costello. Like the old classic, Who’s On First routine.

If you liked this weeks Friday Funnies post please share the humour with your friends.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Political Humour

Lets face it, it doesn’t matter where you are, most people think their politicians are a joke. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to base this weeks Friday Funnies around political humour. I’ve done political jokes before, but I think this weeks political humour post is pretty funny.

Political Humour Aussie Politicians At Their Best

Today’s political humour centres around the Aussie dual citizen debate which has devastated many politicians and frustrated a hell political humourof a lot of Aussies.

What I think is laughable is the fact that politicians like Barnaby Joyce, who has been in politics for some thirteen years, suddenly had to resign because the high court found him ineligible to be a politician. Labor loved this and stated the Libs should have vetted their party members better, jus as Labor did. If only that was true, looks like they have their own dual citizen problems.

What is really funny though, is not the political antics that goes on in parliament, its the stuff that people come up with to make fun of the pollies. Like the political humour parody by Colin Buchanan. Just so you know, this guy is a great Aussie singer that has heaps of stuff you can purchase.

This next one is a great bit of political humour.

Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten are sitting next to each other on a flight from Sydney to Canberra. Bill leans over to Malcolm and asks if he would like to play a fun game. Malcolm  just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and turns towards the window to catch a few winks.

Shorten persists and says that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.” Again, Turnbull politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

Shorten, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.”

This catches Malcolm’s attention. He also knows from his experiences with Bill in Parliament that there will be no end to this torment unless he plays. So Malcolm agrees to the game.

Shorten asks the first question. “How much is the GST on a loaf of bread?” Malcolm doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out $5 and hands it to Bill.

Now, it’s Malcolm’s turn. He asks Bill, “What hops, carries its young in its pouch and flies?”

Shorten looks at Turnbull with a puzzled frown. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Commonwealth National Library. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his pals in the Labor Party and finally people in the Greens Party. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes up Turnbull and hands him $50. Malcolm politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

Bill, who is more than a little miffed, wakes Malcolm again and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!” Without a word, Malcolm Turnbull reaches into his wallet, hands Bill Shorten $5, and goes back to sleep.

I found that joke at

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017

Sex Jokes Friday Funnies #293

Ok, I’m going out on a limb this Friday Funnies by offer you some funny sex jokes. Personally, I find these sex jokes to be very tame but I’m going to warn you all the same, just in case there are some of you out there who may find these sex jokes offensive.

Freddie can’t get an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells
him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there’s
nothing he can do unless he’s willing to try an experimental surgery.
Freddie asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him they take
the muscles from the base of a baby elephant’s trunk, insert them in
the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Freddie says that sounds pretty
scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says ok.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks
later the doctor gives Freddie the go ahead to “try out his new equipment”.
Freddie takes his wife Jenny, out to dinner. While at dinner Freddie starts
feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he
figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does
he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table,
grabs a apple from the fruitbasket, and disappears back into his pants.

Jenny sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look
on her face. She says, “That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?” With
his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Freddie says, “Probably,
but don’t know if I can fit another apple up my ass.”

sex jokes

This next in our series of sex jokes is about a family of prostitutes.

Three prostitutes are living together, a grandmother, a mother and her daughter. On evening the daughter comes home looking very down.

“How did you do tonight dear?” asks the mother.

“Not too good,” replies the daughter. “I only got $20 for a blow job!”

“Wow,” says the mother. “Back in my day we were lucky to get $20 for a blow job.”

“Gracious me,” says the grandmother. “Back in my day we were grateful to get something warm in our stomach.

Finally, to finish off the sex jokes for today, I put something together using The Creator.

sex jokes1

Hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget I have heaps more jokes here as well as some funny sports jokes.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017
About Peter Pelliccia"