OK, maybe the only mushrooms that can really make you laugh are the magic mushroom variety, but the following joke is based around mushrooms and is really funny.
The Mushrooms Smothered Steak Fiasco
She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? “No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.” “Well, I see varmints eating them and they’re OK.” So she picked a bunch of the mushrooms, washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided the mushrooms were OK to be served.
The meal was a great success. After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear, “Mum, Spot is dead.” Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called her doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can. We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.” Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomachs. After the last one was done the doctor came out and said, “Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left. The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum, “I can’t believe that bloke!” “What bloke ?” “You know, that one who ran over Spot, he never even slowed down!!!!” Want more laughs? Why not check out some killer sports jokes?
It’s of the utmost importance that Google sees your site as being ‘Mobile Friendly’ before April 21st. Here is what Google has to say.
Starting April 21, we will be expanding our use of mobile-friendliness as a ranking signal. This change will affect mobile searches in all languages worldwide and will have a significant impact in our search results. Consequently, users will find it easier to get relevant, high quality search results that are optimized for their devices.
Knowing how important it is was the main reason for finally converting my Load Of Bullshit blog to FlexSqueeze2, as I wrote about in this post. I’ve produced a video that shows exactly how FlexSqueeze2 makes my blogs so mobile friendly. But before I do that I thought I would compare my BS blog with three other blogs. You can test your site using Google’s Mobile Friendly Test.
How Mobile Friendly Is Problogger
According to Google Darren Rowse’s blog is mobile friendly. The image on the left is how Google sees it using their test site. the one on the right is how I saw it using my iPhone, They say you’ve only got a limited amount of time to catch your readers attention. That’s why your heading and the first paragraph is so important. Darren’s blog theme (Genesis) only shows the post heading. Being who he is people will probably click on the heading to read further but I’m not sure that is the same for the rest of us.
Also I found the pop-up, which you can see at the bottom of the image, most annoying.
Mobile Friendly Adrienne Smith
Adrienne’s blog shows up well in both images. Once again though all we see is the posts headings. Adrienne who uses Thesis has a plugin that makes her blog mobile friendly. It was Adrienne’s post on 3 ways to learn what WordPress Theme is being used that divulged the info on what theme was being used.
Mobile Friendly John Chow
While in the process of researching this post I got the inspiration for one of my Load Of Bullshit post. The post is called MOBE, Scam or Not. MOBE is something that Chow is promoting but as far as my research on it goes it has the stink of scam all over it.
As for Chows blog it is mobile friendly but all you see is a whole lot of adverts. You need to scroll down before you get any content. Don’t know how many people will scroll down to see what he has to offer.
Mobile Friendly Load Of BS
Finally we have my Load of Bullshit blog. As you can see using FlexSqueeze2 the mobile friendly version is actually a scaled down version of the actual blog. The theme strips the sidebars and puts them below the post. The headers look different because they were taken on different days, as you can probably tell by the blog posts.
That video will show you how easy it is to make my blogs not only mobile friendly, but to look just like the original. All I had to do was to make a header with the Logo Creator, upload it to my site and fill in the required field. For those of you who are interested I went for a header that was 460 pixels wide.
You may have noticed that I didn’t link to Darren Rowse or John Chow. The reason for that is because I don’t link to A Listers.
If you have any questions just leave a comment. I’ll try my best to answer it for you. How friendly is your blog?
Choosing a time clock for your company is a very personal process, and one that is as individualized as choosing the right telecommunications system and security system. You see, there are many types of time clock systems available, and depending on the type and size of your business, and your own needs and preferences, you may find that one type of time clock is preferable to another. Visit this website for suggestions on what might work best for you.
It used to be that time clocks did not vary much from the traditional punch-paper fashion, but today you’ll find that there are many different computerized options, including time clock systems that can be integrated into existing business networks and POS systems, biometric clocks, and high-tech systems that are appropriate for security-conscious businesses, such as fingerprint scanners and even voice recognition systems.
You should know that if you would prefer to use a paper-based time clock system, such systems are still available, though you may have to dig a bit in order to find them. Paper-based systems are more laborious and hands-on, which means the chances of errors and/or abuse are higher. It’s for this reason that most businesses have switched over to electronic systems, but since some businesses may still want or need to use paper systems, you can find them. Paper-based time clock systems will print or press time stamps onto cards, and the cards are stored with the clock.
For an electronic-based system, you’ll have many options available to you:
standalone time clock systems that require employees to log in and out only at that unit
integrated systems that enable employees to log in and out at any computer or POS system
fully integrated systems that offer management the option to log in and out and check on employee logs remotely
While paper-based time clocks require each employee to have a separate paper card for punching in and out, electronic time clocks provide a myriad of options that include:
badges or cards with magnetic stripes
proximity-based badges (usually contain a special chip)
advanced options for recognizing fingerprints, facial features, and voice
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