Funniest Cat Joke Friday Funnies #360

Funniest cat joke? I get a lot emails containing jokes from my friends. So many that its kept Friday Funnies going for years. Today's email is one of the funniest cat jokes, so funny that I had to include it in this weeks Friday Funnies post. Funniest Cat Joke Ever We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, coveredour pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard.  We phoned the localtaxi company and requested a taxi.  The taxi arrived, and we openedthe front door to leave the house.  As we walked out the door, the catwe had put out in the yard scooted back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries toget at the parrot.  My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I wentback inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hotpursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that thehouse would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxidriver that I would be out soon.  "He's just going upstairs to saygood-by to my mother." A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her asswith a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried…

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Barbecue Humour Friday Funnies #359

My first barbecue humour! I came across a couple of emails that I thought would be great for this weeks Friday Funnies which I've called barbecue humour because they both revolve around the humble barbecue. Barbecue Humour - BBQ Rules We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part:(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. (6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again:(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them…

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Elderly Humour Friday Funnies #358

I've written quite a few Elderly Jokes for Friday Funnies, and I see no reason why I shouldn't add to my elderly humour posts. The first of my elderly humour stories is about an old couple in their seventies who are about to be married. Elderly Humour #1 An elderly couple reaching their 70s are about to get married, but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk.She said: "I want to keep my house."He said: "That's fine with me."She said: "I want to keep my Car."He said: "That's fine with me."She said: "And I want to have sex 6 times a week."He said: "Put me down for Fridays." Before my next elder humour joke I have a few elderly humour images. Elderly Wisdom This next bit of elderly humour is funny because the young of today have no idea what it used to be like. Someone  asked the other day, 'What was your favourite  'fast food' when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I  informed him. All the food was slow.'   'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you  eat?'   'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained.  !'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was…

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