Smoking In The Rain

My smoking in the rain post does not mean I’m promoting smoking at all, and I know this is supposed to be a Friday Funnies post. It is a Friday Funnies post, and all I’m doing is trying to find an exciting way to introduce my Friday Funnies Joke and why not post a joke about smoking in the rain? Especially if I found it to be pretty funny.

However, before we get to the joke, I want everyone to know that I think smoking is a filthy habit. I would never take it up. I lie. I did smoke, a long, long time ago. I was actually in primary school at the time, and because I couldn’t afford to buy them, I used to roll my own. I used pages from my school exercise book as cigarette paper, and I tried different material for tobacco. The foulest stuff I ever used was the dried silk off of the old corn cob. The most volatile was the bard off of the grapevine. Once I puffed so hard, it burst into flames.  

The best stuff I ever used was the dry grass I found in an alleyway. But that supply was short-lived. What happened was one day when I was casually walking down the alley to get my collection of grass. I found this dog pissing on my supply. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since.  

But hang on a second. This post isn’t about me; it’s about smoking in the rain.  

Continue ReadingSmoking In The Rain

The Fastest Thing Around

As another week goes by it seems my attempt at buying the winning lottery ticket online from one of my lottery sites has been a dismal failure. I’m not one to give up though, and I will continue to purchase my lottery tickets online until I get the winning one. After all, winning the lottery is not a race. One doesn’t win it by being the fastest thing on earth. Although, winning it does give you the capacity to buy something that you consider to be pretty damn fast, not to mention a beautiful piece of machinery. Something like the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. Perhaps it isn’t the fastest thing in the world, but it’s the quickest car in the world, which brings me to this weeks Friday Funnies which is all about giving the right answer in an all-important job interview to get the job.

What Is The Fastest Thing?

Continue ReadingThe Fastest Thing Around

A Woman’s Mind At Work

Welcome to this weeks Friday’s Funnies readers but before I tickle your funny bone I want to thank all my kind readers for emailing their jokes and explain to them why I haven’t included them as part of the Friday Funnies series. Simply put, I didn’t find them funny enough.   :ponder: If they don’t make me laugh then it’s not good enough for my readers. Keep sending them though because the moment I use one of your jokes I will link to your site within that post.

When I first started the series I thought it would be a simple copy and paste procedure with a little added blurb by yours truly for SEO purposes as well as a way of introducing the posts. Man, if only it was that easy. It takes time to go through them all deleting the ones that aren’t funny and putting the others in the ‘possibly’ funny pile. Not to mention the extra joke I send to all my subscribers.  Still, even though it does take a lot of work its all worth it because I love all the feedback I get from you guys.

OK, enough banter, lets get on with the joke telling.

A Woman’s Mind At Work

A man wakes up at the Austin Hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the Hume Highway.

You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.

They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

The man perks up. “So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.

But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.

If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite benchtops.”

You can hear me telling this joke on YouTube.

Yeah, you just have to love how the woman’s mind work don’t you  

You May Find The Following Of Interest

You should check out my YouTube Channel which has my joke Funny British Postcards. As you know I’m always looking for new subscribers so why not consider subscribing to my My Bonzer Channel. 

If you ever wondered how to remove a background from an image you should watch my Removing the background with InPixio Photo Clip.

Of course, you know you can always get more laughs at my Friday Funnies posts, not to mention my Heaps Of Jokes.

Jokes aside I reckon you’ll like my latest video Luminar 4 Review which show just how easy it is to replace a dull sky for a truly dramatic one in your photos.

Continue ReadingA Woman’s Mind At Work

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