A Woman’s Mind At Work

Welcome to this weeks Friday’s Funnies readers but before I tickle your funny bone I want to thank all my kind readers for emailing their jokes and explain to them why I haven’t included them as part of the Friday Funnies series. Simply put, I didn’t find them funny enough.   :ponder: If they don’t make me laugh then it’s not good enough for my readers. Keep sending them though because the moment I use one of your jokes I will link to your site within that post.

When I first started the series I thought it would be a simple copy and paste procedure with a little added blurb by yours truly for SEO purposes as well as a way of introducing the posts. Man, if only it was that easy. It takes time to go through them all deleting the ones that aren’t funny and putting the others in the ‘possibly’ funny pile. Not to mention the extra joke I send to all my subscribers.  Still, even though it does take a lot of work its all worth it because I love all the feedback I get from you guys.

OK, enough banter, lets get on with the joke telling.

A Woman’s Mind At Work

A man wakes up at the Austin Hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the Hume Highway.

You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.

They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

The man perks up. “So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.

But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.

If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite benchtops.”

You can hear me telling this joke on YouTube.

Yeah, you just have to love how the woman’s mind work don’t you  

You May Find The Following Of Interest

You should check out my YouTube Channel which has my joke Funny British Postcards. As you know I’m always looking for new subscribers so why not consider subscribing to my My Bonzer Channel

If you ever wondered how to remove a background from an image you should watch my Removing the background with InPixio Photo Clip.

Of course, you know you can always get more laughs at my Friday Funnies posts, not to mention my Heaps Of Jokes.

Jokes aside I reckon you’ll like my latest video Luminar 4 Review which show just how easy it is to replace a dull sky for a truly dramatic one in your photos.

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How Not To Get Hit By A Drunk Husband

As Friday rolls around once again it means so many things to so many people but to those of you who come to this blog every week on a Friday, it means one thing. That’s right, it’s Fridays Funnies time and today is the eleventh in the series. I’m happy to say that even though it started off a little slow it seems to be picking up momentum and that is confirmed by a lot of the emails I’ve been getting. Having said that I’m left wondering why some people say they loved the joke so much that they’re going to share it with their friends but then they forget to Tweet it or even to FaceBook Like it.  :dont_know:

But you’re not here to listen to me winge and complain. Nope! You’re here to be entertained, especially because it’s Fridays Funnies Time.

The Smartest Man At The Wedding

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Poem For Halloween The Night Of Frights

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  • Post category:Poems

My Poem For Halloween The Night Of Frights

I decided to write a Poem For Halloween the night of frights because Halloween is all about kids dressing up as ghosts, witches, Frankenstein and anything else that may be related to scaring people and then going about the trick or treat routine. Halloween is about kids who knock on doors begging for a treat, and generally, people would give them a sweet or something for their efforts. A lot of folks even decorate their homes for Halloween to give it a scary look.

Keeping in line with the Halloween theme, I thought I would post a poem about a scary night when you’re home alone. It may well fall on the night of Halloween itself with all the trick or treating going on, and it’s time to watch a spooky movie. I have to admit though that this time I just had to end the poem with a bit of a twist.

Home Alone On Halloween

Poem For Halloween The Night Of Frights
Created with the Graphics Creator

Home alone on a dark, windy night
Going to watch horror movies to get a fright
Stick a film in the DVD player
Got me some chips, and a dip for flavour.

Turned the lights out and settled down
Sitting on the lounge in my nightgown.
The movie’s scary I’m crouching low.
When’s the scary part coming, I don’t know.

A screeching sound scares me out of my mind.
I jump right up leaving my skin behind.
It’s only a moment before my skin comes back,
Hitting my body with a blood-curdling crack.

I go into the kitchen for the carving knife
I need a weapon in case I meet some strife
I creep into the lounge, the movie still playing
When suddenly there’s some screeching baying

All of a sudden my heart’s in my throat
I can’t breathe I’m starting to choke
With some effort I push it down
I must find out what’s making that sound

I creep into the master bedroom
It’s dark and scary, will I meet my doom
A sound of water from the bathroom I hear
Is there a ghoulish fiend lurking near

The screeching starts, I can not bear it
I must stop it before my mind it splits
I raise the knife its blade a gleaming
I must stop that damn awful screaming.

I open the door just a crack
To see the fiend, I must attack
My jaw drops, eyes open wide in shock
My wife is back she beat the clock

That awful sound was her singing
That grating sound my ears a ringing
The horror movie that I had found
Would be much better if it used that sound.

Read my latest Halloween Poem.

Do More On YouTube

Seriously, while on YouTube you should check out my Laughaholics jokes. You’ll especially love my latest Funny Blonde jokes video. While you’re there why not join my growing YouTube Channel. As you know I’m always looking for new subscribers so why not consider subscribing to my My Bonzer Channel

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