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Why Todays Vampires Suck

After watching many of the movies that are currently out about vampires, one has to wonder whether or not these movies have been put out by an underground society of vampires? Vampires who are waiting in the sidelines for people to become more accepting of them. I can just see them all pouring over the ratings, noticing how many of the viewers are becoming enthralled with the idea of vampires and how some are even falling in love with them. This conspiring mob of blood suckers are probably just waiting for the time when they can intermingle freely amongst us, and when that happens, well, that’s when the real blood sucking comes into play.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

I don’t know how many of you young ones would remember Bram Stoker’s [amazon_link id=”1463531842″ target=”_blank” ]Dracula[/amazon_link] and I’m sure if you did you would realize why todays vampires suck. Why, compared to Count Vladimir Dracula of old todays vampires are nothing but a bunch of blood sucking pussies. Shit, the Muppet’s Count Von Count has more balls than they do.

Let’s get some perspective on what a real vampire

is all about shall we?

  • They Don’t Like The Sunlight: Forget what you’ve seen in the [amazon_link id=”031613290X” target=”_blank” ]The Twilight Saga[/amazon_link] where they would have you believe they avoid the sunlight because it makes their skin glitter like gold! Come on people, the reason they avoid it is because it hurts like hell and prolonged exposure causes them to burst into flames and leaves nothing but a pile of dust.
  • Vampires Fall In Love: Really? Vampires are soulless creatures whose sole reason for living is to latch on a person’s jugular and bleed them dry. The only reason they have humans, vampire familiars, around them is so they can use them to help lure victims to their lair.
  •  Vampire’s Have Sex?: I’m sure they do, heck the lure for sex is so strong perhaps being dead isn’t enough to kill it. Then again, they are dead aren’t they, and even some of the current movies admit to their skin being cold and all and if that is the case how many women would really want to accept a cold icicle  between their legs. :no_way: Not willingly anyway, and maybe what is really happening is that these guys are victims being compelled by the vampires?
  • Vampires live in houses:Yep, and they drink alcohol, get drunk, read books and write poems. What a load of BS. The vampires I’m familiar with live in old castles
    Bram Stoker (1847-1912)
    Bram Stoker (1847-1912)

    and instead of sleeping in a bed spend the night in their coffin which comes complete with dirt from their original grave. But then again, todays vampire want to fit in with the rest of humanity and what better way than to go to high school, frequent bars, dance halls and the like. Heck, some even have family outings with the occasional game of baseball.  :laugh_tb:

Out of all the vampire movies and series that’s out today I like those that hold a little as to what makes for a real vampire. [amazon_link id=”B002JVWR9U” target=”_blank” ]The Vampire Diaries: The Complete First Season[/amazon_link], except for Stefan who has way too many feelings for a true vampire. At least they can’t walk in the daylight unless they wear an enchanted ring :wink_ee:

I don’t really mind the [amazon_link id=”B0057YIF6A” target=”_blank” ]The Twilight Saga[/amazon_link] as it does make for good viewing but it’s pretty far fetched, especially the speckled skin crap, not to mention playing baseball during thunderstorms to hide the noise of the bat hitting the ball. :tongue2_tb:

Then there is [amazon_link id=”B001FB4W0W” target=”_blank” ]True Blood[/amazon_link] which portrays the co-existence of vampires and humans. Could be that’s something that a vampire cult would really love to come to fruition doesn’t it?

So tell me, what do you think of today’s vampires? Perhaps you would like to include some of the things of todays vampires that peeves you off in some way?

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Peter Pelliccia

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This Post Has 42 Comments

  1. Wonderful blog structure! With Breaking Dawn, the latest incarnation of the Twilight vampire saga soon to arrive in theaters, it’s worth examining how the portrayal of the vampire has changed drastically in recent years. Once hated and feared, the vampire has been completely rehabilitated, and this rehabilitation tells us something important about popular culture, politics, and capitalism. Because they were un-human, vampires did not look human. Thus, the first significant cinema vampire was the hideous Nosferatu. While Bela Lugosi’s Count Dracula was more presentable, he was obviously a decadent hangover from the worst excesses of a decayed feudal aristocracy in a time-forgotten fiefdom, and this placed him as far outside human society as his sleeping arrangements in a coffin. Thank you for sharing this very wonderful blog. Cheers!

    1. Haven’t seen that one yet, but I do plan to :innocent1_tb:

      As far as I’m concerned vampires should be feared because otherwise you’re taking all the horror and suspense out of the movies.

  2. Twitter:
    You are so goofy! Vampires yet! lol Actually, I have to admit that I’m not crazy about how vampires have changed over the years. My first vampire movie was Dracula vs. Billy the Kid. In today’s world it would be laughable, but in the 60’s at age 10 that sucker scared me for days. lol And of course they loved sex because they were always enticing women with their charms kissing and loving them before biting them & sucking out their blood. Matter of fact, I always wondered where male vampires came from since they were always biting only women.

    Yet, some of the books have been entertaining. I like the Anne Rice books, but haven’t liked either movie, and didn’t like the Twilight movies either. But I remember an old episode of Night Stalker that scared me, but it was in the 70’s. Man, how sad is that. lol
    Mitch Mitchell recently posted…What Will You Do For More Followers?My Profile

    1. Hey, at least Google has picked up on the right keywords and is actually displaying relevant ads :drunk_tb:

      As for the male vampires I reckon the female vampires created them. Not having a heart and all I can’t see how they could pump enough blood to actually get an erection though Besides, like I said in the post, other than another vampire who would like to deal with an icy erection? :devil_tb:

      I don’t mind the Twilight series although I still reckon they’ve taken poetic license a little far. As for Night Stalker, I loved that series. :thumbup_ee:

  3. I have never believed in vampires because i have never witnessed one, however it can be present in this world, who knows?. Over the years, vampires are hyped to an extreme limit, movies showing vampires have just added on some spice to the originality of these creatures and potrayed them as we human beings, but thats plain entertainment.

    1. That all depends on your point of view Patrick. The reason horror movies are so popular is because of the scare factor and todays vampire hasn’t got it anymore.

  4. Vampires Are adjusting themselves,they don’t suck at all.If they keep on sucking blood of humans one day time will come when there are more vampire compared to humans and that’s the main motive of the Twilight saga movie Sire.

    1. Perhaps, but I put to you that a true vampire, one from Bram Stokes days, wouldn’t worry about all that finesse. They had an animal instinct and all they were interested in was satisfying their primeval urges.

  5. who are saying that now a days vampire suck!!!?? I think vampire always suck & will be in future :)

    1. Merely a play with words Nancy. :doh_tb:

  6. Bram Stoker is one of my favourite vampires since ages. His acting, horror is always cherished by film buffs like me. I still remember that his old castles films were thrill to watch & it would astound even the greatest actors. Off recently vampires have actually adapted to the newer areas of prospect to adapt to newer interests :D

    1. Actually, I don’t believe he was ever a vampire let alone an actor. Last I heard though, he was a damn good author.

  7. I saw part of one of the Twilight movies, and deemed it too stupid to watch the entire thing, and turned it off. No loss, I don’t watch too much television/movies anyway — mainly for the same reason. ;) do love some of the old vampire movies/books though.
    Opal recently posted…Diamonds and pearls shawl; knittingMy Profile

    1. Hey Opal, I still watch it, being as how I kinda like vampire movies and all, I just have to make certain allowances for it.

  8. Today’s Vampire’s suck… Of course they do, or they wouldn’t be vampires. lol

    I have to disagree on this one Sire, I’d love to see more Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale. That girl is so hot I almost wouldn’t mind being a vampire. As long as they keep putting hot woman in skin tight leather – I’m a happy viewer. ;)

    1. Hey Brian, I didn’t mention Underworld partly because I also love the way Kate looks in those tight leather pants :devil_tb: but mostly because those vampires stick to a lot of the rules, like being a viscous bunch and their abhorrence of sunlight. They’ve just learned to stay up with the times, technologically speaking that is. :laugh_tb:

  9. I think you might be right – the way you portray vampires is the way they want us to see them. When in reality, they are living among us already, picking out a few humans for lunch and dinner every now and then. Creepy bastards, them vampires!

    1. I take it you don’t go out much at night huh :tongue_laugh_ee:

  10. I’m from Romania, the country of big Count Vladimir Dracula, and I’m proud of it! Yes, you’re right: todays vampires suck!

    1. Hey Alex, I bet Romania is a beautiful country and that you’re just as proud to be a citizen. Thanks for commenting.

  11. It seems like the Vampire genre has been targeting younger audiences of late. It’s unfortunate that these stories have gone from dark horror films into rather domesticated love stories, but it seems like Hollywood and book writers are not concerned with giving adult audiences a vampire story. I think someone will come along and buck the trend, however. May not come for a few years, but soon enough someone will come along and make a much darker film for mature audiences, and it will be a great day indeed.

    1. Yes, this is true. Latest movies about vampires are target for teenagers and all seems to be exactly the same: love, and love. I hope that somebody will come and buck the trend.

    2. I bet you’re are right Paul. Who knows, perhaps when that happens they will pit true vampires against these domesticated ones. Actually, that would make a pretty good story line. They could even have humans teaming up with the domesticated vampires to combat the true vampiric monster :thumbup_ee:

  12. Well you’ve got a point about the changing nature of the vamp! I base most of my knowledge on old films and interview with a vampire. I think they did fall in love and have sex, but they sure as hell didn’t like the sunlight! Down with vampyres or whatever the kids are calling themselves these days!

    1. I’m not sure that if they had sex it had anything to do with love Lou. I reckon it was more of a primeval nature.

  13. The Twilight Saga? No. just no, those are not vampires…or werewolves for that matter (big dogs?)
    What happened with bass ass Blade based vampires? Like that Drake guy, the first vampire and all, those were some really bad ass vampires, not some teenage bling bling love bs.

    1. So, you reckon some hybrid perhaps Cristian? :laugh_tb:

  14. One of the most funniest things about these 21st century vampires is, they are so much like us humans, consuming wine instead of blood and romancing a human and living female over a dead female vampire. I guess their taste and preferences have improved over time, they are some funny creatures.

    1. They still consume blood. If they like booze so much you have to wonder why they don’t bite more drunks

  15. Hey, Sire. When can we expect of a new article? Or you take a little vacation? :)

  16. I totally agree, todays vampires aren’t as great as the original. My favorite one is played by Béla Lugosi, he was a great actor for that.

    1. He played his part well, that’s for sure.

  17. Thank you! Someone who mimics the same frustrations I have for the “modern day” vampire. What happened to Anne Rice and vampires like those in Interview with a Vampire? What about Dracula? A vampire, no matter how alive (or undead as they are sometimes called) is still not a human. They are vastly different. They crave human blood–it’s what allows them to live. They are interesting creatures. I feel like today’s shows/movies/books have watered down the true essence of vampires and made them into sexy-looking creatures instead of ones that need to be feared.

    1. You won’t get an argument from me Robert.

  18. The hassle twilight has brought to the table. I used to think vampires were cool and just plain blood thirsty but here come the Cullens drinking animal blood. I agree that for me the Vampire Diaries pretty much is the better version of the vampires we have to day. They are still blood thirsty and are all quite eccentric except Stefan of course but lately I’m taking a liking to him because he finally admitted that he is a vampire and he needs blood for Christ’s sake! I can’t wait for the next episodes, Elena’s a vampire now!

    1. What! Elena is now a vampire? Man, now you’ve gone and ruined the plot :laugh_tb:

      1. Oh my God! You did not know? Better catch up on season 3 then! Sorry for spoiling. I just thought that because you have been watching you would have known. Really sorry! I know how much it sucks when people ruin the plot for you.

        1. It’s all good Jerry. I now know what happens but not when, nor who turned her. The suspense is killing me :laugh_tb:

          I reckon we’re a little behind or something.

  19. This post cracked me up. Vampires have always been the villains, and that’s what I think they always should be!
    Mike recently posted…July 2012 Steel NewsMy Profile

    1. I know, what were these people thinking. But then again people are watching it and now I’ve heard there are those that want to be vampires. Just goes to show how susceptible and gullible some people are. :wallbash_tb:

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