After watching many of the movies that are currently out about vampires, one has to wonder whether or not these movies have been put out by an underground society of vampires? Vampires who are waiting in the sidelines for people to become more accepting of them. I can just see them all pouring over the ratings, noticing how many of the viewers are becoming enthralled with the idea of vampires and how some are even falling in love with them. This conspiring mob of blood suckers are probably just waiting for the time when they can intermingle freely amongst us, and when that happens, well, that’s when the real blood sucking comes into play.
I don’t know how many of you young ones would remember Bram Stoker’s [amazon_link id=”1463531842″ target=”_blank” ]Dracula[/amazon_link] and I’m sure if you did you would realize why todays vampires suck. Why, compared to Count Vladimir Dracula of old todays vampires are nothing but a bunch of blood sucking pussies. Shit, the Muppet’s Count Von Count has more balls than they do.
Let’s get some perspective on what a real vampire
is all about shall we?
- They Don’t Like The Sunlight: Forget what you’ve seen in the [amazon_link id=”031613290X” target=”_blank” ]The Twilight Saga[/amazon_link] where they would have you believe they avoid the sunlight because it makes their skin glitter like gold! Come on people, the reason they avoid it is because it hurts like hell and prolonged exposure causes them to burst into flames and leaves nothing but a pile of dust.
- Vampires Fall In Love: Really? Vampires are soulless creatures whose sole reason for living is to latch on a person’s jugular and bleed them dry. The only reason they have humans, vampire familiars, around them is so they can use them to help lure victims to their lair.
- Vampire’s Have Sex?: I’m sure they do, heck the lure for sex is so strong perhaps being dead isn’t enough to kill it. Then again, they are dead aren’t they, and even some of the current movies admit to their skin being cold and all and if that is the case how many women would really want to accept a cold icicle between their legs. Not willingly anyway, and maybe what is really happening is that these guys are victims being compelled by the vampires?
- Vampires live in houses:Yep, and they drink alcohol, get drunk, read books and write poems. What a load of BS. The vampires I’m familiar with live in old castles
and instead of sleeping in a bed spend the night in their coffin which comes complete with dirt from their original grave. But then again, todays vampire want to fit in with the rest of humanity and what better way than to go to high school, frequent bars, dance halls and the like. Heck, some even have family outings with the occasional game of baseball.
Out of all the vampire movies and series that’s out today I like those that hold a little as to what makes for a real vampire. [amazon_link id=”B002JVWR9U” target=”_blank” ]The Vampire Diaries: The Complete First Season[/amazon_link], except for Stefan who has way too many feelings for a true vampire. At least they can’t walk in the daylight unless they wear an enchanted ring
I don’t really mind the [amazon_link id=”B0057YIF6A” target=”_blank” ]The Twilight Saga[/amazon_link] as it does make for good viewing but it’s pretty far fetched, especially the speckled skin crap, not to mention playing baseball during thunderstorms to hide the noise of the bat hitting the ball.
Then there is [amazon_link id=”B001FB4W0W” target=”_blank” ]True Blood[/amazon_link] which portrays the co-existence of vampires and humans. Could be that’s something that a vampire cult would really love to come to fruition doesn’t it?
So tell me, what do you think of today’s vampires? Perhaps you would like to include some of the things of todays vampires that peeves you off in some way?
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