Sex The Church And Virgins Friday Funny #119

A young couple wanted to join the church, the priest told them, ‘We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must Abstain from sex for one whole month.’
The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the priest ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

‘You are back so soon…Is there a problem?’ the priest inquired.

‘We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.’ The young man replied sadly

The priest asked him what happened.

‘Well, the first week was difficult… However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable.

We tried cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible….anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there.

It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,’ admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The priest lowered his head and said sternly, ‘You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.’

‘We know.’ said the young man, hanging his head, ‘We’re not welcome at Bunnings, either.’

sex and the virgin

Scary Runaway Train Prank

If you’re looking for more laughs check out this weeks Sports Golf Joke Of The Week.

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Taking Off Your Clothes For The Greater Good

SEX!

It doesn’t matter where you are, it doesn’t matter what your doing, sex is lurking somewhere waiting to pounce. There’s sex on TV! There’s sex on the Internet. There’s sex in magazines, there’s even sexting of which some say it should be illegal and some are just amazed it exists.

There’s sex in advertising, because everyone knows that sex sells. There’s raunchy hot steaming sex and there’s the quicky in the back seat of a car sex. People are either doing it, talking about it, wishing they were getting more or watching as it’s happening all around them. Heck, I reckon if you looked hard enough you’d even find it under the kitchen sink.

American model and television host Michele Merkin.
Image via Wikipedia

There is so much sex that it’s starting to create problems around the globe, especially because our kids are being exposed at such a young age. A lot of people blame the parents but honestly I reckon they’ve got their hands tied because there’s no much they can do unless the lock their kids under the basement. If you want to blame someone then you just have to point your finger straight at society and all the do-gooders who are society’s stumbling block because they won’t let you do anything in case it may hurt someones sensibilities or rights.

Well, I’ve had enough and I’ve thought of a way where we can put all this nonsense behind us, but I need your help, every single one of you, because the only way this will work is if we can make one very important global change.

The World Must Go Naked

Arrestive

That’s right, we must persuade our leaders to pass a law where everyone has to go around their daily business completely naked. Imagine if this was the case sex would be taken right out of the equation. I admit that like every great idea there are pros and cons and I wish to discuss some of them here. But being only one man it’s inconceivable that I can cover every single one of them so I ask you all, my loyal followers, to contribute in the comment section everything that I have missed.

OK. Let’s now consider some of the PROS and CONS.

  • PRO: The demise of The Bold and Beautiful! If you take clothes out of the equation there would be no more Forresters or Jaqui M and the show would fall on it’s ass.
  • CON: There would be no more plastic surgery inflating a woman’s boobs to massive proportion because without support they would be hanging around their kneecaps in no time at all.
  • PRO: While the above would be a con there’s also a positive for all small breasted women as their pert little beauties would be highly sought after, thereby saving all the jobs of the plastic surgeons in Rodeo Drive
  • PRO: No more sex in advertising! Those lazy buggers will have to think of something more intelligent and inspiring to sell their products rather than shoving tits and asses in our faces.
  • PRO: No more being dragged shopping with the other half forced to suffer in silence while they shopped for women’s clothes including bras and panties.
  • PRO: Getting to rub on that tanning lotion so that they don’t get sunburn. :devil_tb:
  • CON: It’s going to get damn cold in winter. Oh well, we may have to suffer a little for the greater good of humanity. Perhaps someone can invent some sort of lotion that can be rubbed onto all that naked luscious flesh that can keep out the cold.
  • PRO: No more need for metal detectors at schools and airports because there’s nowhere to hide weapons
  • CON: No more body searches. Too bad guys, suck it up and find something less entertaining to do.

Can you see the potential if we could just do away with clothes? Honestly what do you reckon, are you going to get behind me or not?

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My Passionate Encounter. It’s Not All About Sex

Some people ask me why I persist with writing poetry on my blog, especially as they don’t elicit a whole lot of comments. I tell them its because I like using poems as a form of expression and that I love to share them with people. Even if one person happens to like what I wrote then I think it was worth the effort.

I wrote this after a personal experience I had in what seems to be eons ago. Some of you may not agree with my experience, unless that is you are a hot blooded Aussie male, who more than likely experienced exactly the same thing I did. And so, without further ado, My Passionate Encounter!

I got her home late one night
Picked her up at a bar, without a fight
I have wanted her, for so long
I could not wait for the last song.

Up the stairs we went, the door I locked
I held her close, I was so hot.
With a struggle I removed her top
I gazed upon her form, I could not stop

In desperation I tore off her wrap
You could almost hear the dripping tap
Perspiration covered her naked form
The beads of sweat visible now the wrap was torn

My feverish mouth claimed her own
The sensation so great my mind was blown
It was not long before she was spent
In frustration against the wall she went

Though short, for it did not last long
I knew I did nothing wrong
For as she lay there, once held dear
She truly was one heck of bottled beer

:drunk_tb: I hope you enjoyed that? It was actually and old joke or something that I turned into a poem because I couldn’t remember the joke itself enough to tell it as it should be.

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