Funny Sex Jokes Friday Funnies #365

Todays Friday funnies is all about funny sex jokes. The first of my funny sex jokes is about morning sex.

Funny Sex Joke #1 Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing their usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she slept in overnight. As he walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very instant!”

His eyes lit up, and he thought, “Either I’m still dreaming, or this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, he asked, “What was that all about?”

She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”

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Sex Jokes Friday Funnies #293

Ok, I’m going out on a limb this Friday Funnies by offer you some funny sex jokes. Personally, I find these sex jokes to be very tame but I’m going to warn you all the same, just in case there are some of you out there who may find these sex jokes offensive.

Freddie can’t get an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells
him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there’s
nothing he can do unless he’s willing to try an experimental surgery.
Freddie asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him they take
the muscles from the base of a baby elephant’s trunk, insert them in
the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Freddie says that sounds pretty
scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says ok.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks
later the doctor gives Freddie the go ahead to “try out his new equipment”.
Freddie takes his wife Jenny, out to dinner. While at dinner Freddie starts
feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he
figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does
he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table,
grabs a apple from the fruitbasket, and disappears back into his pants.

Jenny sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look
on her face. She says, “That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?” With
his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Freddie says, “Probably,
but don’t know if I can fit another apple up my ass.”

sex jokes

This next in our series of sex jokes is about a family of prostitutes.

Three prostitutes are living together, a grandmother, a mother and her daughter. On evening the daughter comes home looking very down.

“How did you do tonight dear?” asks the mother.

“Not too good,” replies the daughter. “I only got $20 for a blow job!”

“Wow,” says the mother. “Back in my day we were lucky to get $20 for a blow job.”

“Gracious me,” says the grandmother. “Back in my day we were grateful to get something warm in our stomach.

Finally, to finish off the sex jokes for today, I put something together using The Creator.

sex jokes1

Hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget I have heaps more jokes here as well as some funny sports jokes.Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017

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Fireman Sex Joke Friday Funnies #275

Today’s Friday Funnies begins with an email I got today entitled Fireman Sex. I’ve written the Fireman Sex joke as close as possible complete with images because I thought the fireman sex images made the joke.

If you’re wondering why I’m using the words ‘fireman sex so often it’s all to do with SEO. The images also have a ‘fireman sex tag and to top it all off I need to include it in th
Fireman sex joke

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.

Fireman sex truck

“From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.
“The next night he came home from work and yelled

” BELL 1!” The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

naked woman

When he yelled “BELL 2!”, the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled ” BELL 3!”, they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled “BELL 4!”

“What the hell is BELL 4?” asked the husband?

naked fireman

lauging mouse

To all you teetotalers out there did you know that drinking tea is more dangerous than drinking beer? This guy has proof! Here is what he has to say.

I got this other email that was full of saying that are found on signs all over the world. I don’t know how accurate they are but some of them are pretty funny. Here’s a sign that was found inside a Bangkok dry cleaner.

This of course is the perfect lead up to the following really funny video about a couple taking their clothes off in a laundromat.

That’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies #272. That’s a hell of a lot of Friday Funnies :wink_ee:

If you’re new to Friday Funnies why not tickle your funny bone with more Friday Funnies. Other than that check out these hilarious sports jokes.Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017

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