Smart Parrot Jokes

For today’s Friday Funnies, I’ve put together a small collection of funny parrot jokes. As I’ve already used the ‘parrot jokes‘ keyword phrase in a previous post I thought I’d get around that by using smart parrot jokes for this post.

Smart Parrot Jokes #1

A burglar was busily stealing jewellery and valuables from a house, when a parrot on a perch behind him says, “Jesus is watching you.” 

The thief takes no notice and continues his stealing. The parrot repeats, ” Jesus  is watching you.”     

The thief becomes annoyed and snaps at the parrot, “Who do you think you are ?”    

The parrot says ” Moses!”     

“That’s a funny name for a parrot !”     

The parrot replies, “Not half as funny as a Rottweiler dog named “Jesus !”

smart parrot jokes

Smart Parrot Jokes #2

A man goes into a pet shop with the intention of buying a parrot. After a brief conversation the shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.” 

“Bullshit,” says the man! “Why does that parrot cost so much?”

To which the owner replies, “Well, that parrot knows how to do legal research.”

The customer, astounded, then asks about the next parrot. To his surprise, he learned that the second parrot would set him back $1,000! The reason he was given was that it could do everything the other parrot could do as well as being able to write a brief that could win any case.

When he enquired about the last parrot he was told that it cost him $4,000! Not knowing what to expect the customer asked, “What can it do?”

The owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2019

Parrot Jokes Friday Funnies #290

For todays Friday Funnies I have two parrot jokes. The first of the parrot jokes is the clean version which I got in an email today.

Parrot Jokes – Curing parrot Of Filth Language

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.  Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. 

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. 

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. 

Fearing that he’d killed the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

“May I ask what the turkey did?”  

The second of the parrot jokes was from back in my high school days, it went something like this….

Parrot Jokes – The Spying Parrot

There was this bloke who was sure that his wife was cheating on him. This was before the days of hidden wireless cameras. He went to a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any exceptionally smart parrots. After explaining why he wanted such a parrot the pet shop owner showed him this parrot with no legs.

Bloke: Come off it man. That parrot is next to useless, how is he going to see what is going on if her can’t sit on the perch?

The pet shop owner explains the parrot would hang on by his penis. Reluctantly the bloke buys the parrot, explains what is expected of him and places him in a spot where he could see both the front door and the bedroom.

The next day after his wife goes shopping he goes up to the parrot and asks him what went on.

Parrot: “Well, the doorbell rang and when your wife answered the door she let this man in. She then threw herself into his arms.”

Bloke: “Yeah, then what happened?’

Parrot: “Well there was all this passionate kissing and your wife put her hand down his crotch”

Bloke: “Yeah, yeah, then hat happened?”

Parrot: “First she rips off his shirt and then he pulls off her t-shirt and her perfectly formed firm breasts popped out!”

Bloke: “Shit, don’t stop now, then what happened?”

Parrot: “I don’t know man, thats when I cracked a stack and fell off the perch!

Finally, my last of the parrot jokes is one I put together using the Creator.

parrot jokes

This was another Friday Funnies that had a parrot in it. That post was called Irish Daredevils!  You should really check that post out for the Wisdom Of An Old Man Joke :wink_ee: Other than that you should also take a look at my really funny sports jokes.Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017