British Humor Friday Funnies #103

Man, I love Fridays, especially when I have the weekend off  :drunk_tb: Of course theres always the fact that Friday’s also means there is a new Friday Funnies post to look forward to. Right?  :lol_tb: I figured that this time I’d introduce a little British humor.

A Little British Humor

On a crowded train, travelling from Paris to the South, a U.S. Marine on furlough walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed, middle-aged French woman’s poodle.

The weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”

The French woman just sniffed, and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The Marine walked the entire length of the train again, and discovered that the only seat available was in fact the one currently being occupied by the poodle.

Trudging tiredly back, the marine arrived once more before the French woman and said, “Please Ma’am, may I sit down? I’m very tired?”

She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant. Why should I care if you are tired?”

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Crocodile Friday Funnies #100

I don’t believe it. This is Friday Funnies 100th post. That is pretty bloody amazing. I never dreamed I could keep it going that long. Before I get into this weeks Friday Funnies, which focuses on a few crocodile jokes, I want to apologise to everyone for missing out on last weeks Friday Funnies. Unfortunately I had a lot on my plate and just didn’t have time to write a post. Hopefully todays crocodile jokes will make up for it.

A Blonde’s Crocodile Shoes

A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home
a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free”.

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, just go and give it a try”!

The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young blonde woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand. Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

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Friday Funnies #56

Friday Funnies Rules

Naturally bloggers as a whole love to get comments but what they love more than comments is that people actually read the post and abide by Comment Policy when one exists. Unfortunately a lot of commentators just pop in, leave a comment and leave thinking they’ve gotten themselves a nice link. Sometimes it’s hard to determine when this occurs and so bloggers may leave the comment because they assume the commentator has done all the right things. Over the last few weeks I’ve been trying to get people to like my FaceBook Fan Page and so I’ve added one more very simple rule to my comment policy. This is that they have to like my Page in order for their comment to be approved. Not a big ask as they only have to do it once and yet people leave comments without liking the page. As I stipulate this rule at the beginning of every post it shows me they’re not even bothering to read it. And yet they leave a comment saying how funny they found the joke. You know what is funny, when I spam their comments  :lol_ee: So, please, for your own sake don’t leave a comment unless you have like my FaceBook Fan Page first.

Friday Funnies & Professor Higgins

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

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