Employment Jokes Friday Funnies #328

I don’t think I’ve done a Friday Funnies post about employment jokes before so this week’s Friday Funnies is about employment jokes.

Employment Jokes On The Murray

Looking for an excellent job on the Murray River??

Sally Mulligan of Paddington NSW decided to take one of the jobs that most Australians are not willing to do.

Sally applied for a job in a lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Adelaide and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons ??”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said. “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Jeeps, voted twice for Labor, and once for Clive Palmer.”

She starts in the morning.

Employment Jokes

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Lawyer Employment Jokes

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a prominent lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration.

The lawyer asks, “What for?”

The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

The lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” said the sheriff impatiently.

The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration, and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out, and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Next, I video with two of the funniest jokes ever. The second of the two jokes definitely fits in the employment jokes category.


Check out some of my other funny jokes or my Laughaholics Video Playlist.

 

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Pissing Joke Friday Funnies #303

Most of you know that I get my Friday Funnies jokes in my emails. Today I got one that was completely different from anything I’ve received before. My first ever pissing joke! I mean, who would ever come up with a pissing joke anyway. Probably what makes it even funny is that it involves two Irishmen and their love for beer.

A Mermaid’s Pissing Joke

After their cruise ship sank, Two Irishman were stranded at sea in a lifeboat. Things were getting pretty desperate. They’d just run out of water when a mermaid appeared out of the blue and offered them one wish to save their lives.

The Irishmen thought long and hard about it, and then Paddy shouted out,”I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” To their amazement, the ocean was turned into beer.

The Irishmen got stuck into the beer thinking life was rosy again when Shamus suddenly said in dismay, “Great, now we have to piss in the boat!”

Then there was this other pissing joke involving an elderly couple’s visit to the doctor’s office.

Funny Pissing Joke

Doctor’s Funny Pissing Joke

An elderly couple went to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. “How’re you doing?” asks the doctor.

“Pretty good,” answers the old man. “I’m eating well, and I’m still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord even turns the light on for me.”

The doctor decides to let that last statement slide and goes to check on the man’s wife. “How’re you feeling?” he asks.

“Pretty good, no complaints at all” answers the old woman. “I’ve got heaps of energy, and I’m not feeling any pain.”

The doctor says, “That’s nice. It’s good to see you and your husband doing so well. Something is bothering me though!  Your husband mentioned that when he gets up to pee at night,’ the good Lord turns the light on for him’. Do you have any idea what he means?”

“Oh shit,” she says, “He’s pissing in the refrigerator again.”

Talking about pissing jokes you’re going to love this video.

And they say men can’t multi-task!

You may want to check out my post on my YouTube intro video.

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Hooters, Blondes and Friday Funnies #115

Why Hooters and Blondes for this weeks Friday Funnies and not Boobs and blondes. Well, it’s all to with Search Engine Optimisation, also known as SEO. I’ve already used blondes as a keyword and my WP plugin says it’s best I use something else. So I figured I use hooters. Heck, I’m just as partial to hooters as I am to boobs and you’ll see why when you get an eyeful of the hooters later on in this post.

First let’s have a look at the blonde part of this weeks Friday Funnies.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

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