Aussies Are Dumb Too

I got this email today titled Aussies are dumb too. It lists seven different occasions that show how stupid some Aussies can be. Let me just say that I can not vouch for any of the Aussies are dumb too stories mentioned below. Having said that. Some of the stories, as unbelievable as they are, may have happened which makes it totally funny.

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9 Ways Aussies Are Dumb Too

Aussies are dumb too

Number One.
“I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away”.

Yep, that would fit into the Aussies are dumb too category 😂

Number Two.
Some Boeing employees on the airfield in Sydney decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards  them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Now, that could have happened anywhere. 🧐

Number Three.
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote ‘;Put all ya muny in this beeg.’ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the Harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK’ and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland.

Happened in Brisbane.

Number Four.
A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, ‘Because I don’t believe you are over 21.’
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence.  They arrested the robber two hours later.

Number Five.
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move !’ 
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. 
Happened in Adelaide

Number Six.
A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. 
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.  The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. 
It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Happened in Perth WA.

Number seven.
“My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.”
Happened in Surfer’s Paradise.

Number eight.
“I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” 
To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” 
He smiled knowingly and nodded. “That’s why we ask.”
Happened in Melbourne ..

Number nine.
“When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open !’ 
His reply, ‘I know – I already done that side.’
Happened at the FORD dealership, Dubbo

Whilst some of these situations are highly questionable they’re still pretty funny.

Don’t forget to check out some of my other Friday Funnies posts. The fact that you’re here reading this post shows me you’re someone who loves or is looking for laughs. That being the case you should check out my Laughaholics Videos. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

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Fun Stories Friday Funnies #280

Fun Stories That Make You Laugh

I love that life is full of fun stories. True, a lot of those fun stories are probably made up but even if that’s true they’re still bloody funny.  Take for example this story about an alter boy.

An Alter Boy’s Confession

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.’Fun Stories Alter Boy

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.’

‘Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘Sorry Father, but my lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

‘Four months vacation and five good leads…’

As far as fun stories go, what can be funnier than some of the ways people interpret art. Take the following as a good example.

Interpreting Art Funny Stories

three irishmen with black penises

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery in London were staring at a painting that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated in the middle, had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble with interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society. “In fact”, he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society”.

After the curator left, a Scotsman man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery?” asked the couple.

“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “They’re just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

For those of you who are thinking that coal mines didn’t work naked, I actually found an article that stated that some actually did.

Don’t forget, I have heaps of Friday Funnies if you have the time to look through them.

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Businessman Humour Friday Funnies #239

This weeks Friday Funnies is the 239th in the Friday Funnies series! That’s over four years of jokes! For the life of me I never thought I’d be able to keep it going that long. I’m so glad that I have though, because it’s turned out to be the most popular posts on this blog.

Today’s Friday funnies is just some of the funny things that may define a smart businessman.

Businessman Humour

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.  He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey?  Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady.  I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”

The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He paused a moment, then told her, “Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, ‘Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?'”

Now, that’s a Businessman!
businessman jokes

The next businessman humour shows just how the following businessman made his millions.

The Smart Businessman

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.

The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?”

The business man replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?”

Now, that’s what I call taking your bank for a ride :wink_ee:

Love these jokes? Then why not share them with your friends? :thumbup_tb:

If you’re looking for more laughs check out my funny sports jokes.

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