Random Jokes Friday Funnies #348

I’m calling this post random jokes because that’s exactly what they are. They don’t fit into any category at all, they’re just random jokes.

Random Jokes Blonde Style

I haven’t had a blonde joke for quite some time, so the first of my random jokes is going to be a blonde joke.

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t find any buyers. She calls Suzie, her friend for advice, and her Suzie asks her how many miles she had on the car.

The blonde tells her she had over 235,000 miles on the clock.

Suzie says, “That’s your problem. You’ve got way too many miles showing. I have a mechanic friend who can help you with that,” giving her his card. “Just tell him to turn back the miles to whatever you want.”

So the blonde goes to the mechanic and tells him to put the miles to 40,000. A couple of days later the Suzie rings and asks if she’d sold the car since her friend dropped the miles. The blonde told her, “Are you kidding? Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”

Random Jokes Morgue Style

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.  After he examines the bodies the coroner calls the police to tell them his results.  “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.

“He thought he was having his picture taken.”

Sexy Sal Blonde Joke

blonde random jokes

That’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies, but don’t rush off just yet. Have you seen my first try at performing a stand-up comedy routine. I called it Laughaholic’s Work Accident. I think it came out pretty well. Please check it out, give it the thumbs up if you liked it, share it with your friends. Heck, while you’re there, you may as well subscribe to my YouTube Channel

Other Interesting YouTube Links

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Irish Blonde Joke Friday Funnies #203

Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time again and I’m about to thrill you with an Irish Blonde joke. We all know that people love to laugh at the Irish. We also know they love laughing at blonde jokes, so when I found an Irish blonde joke I knew it would be a hit.

Irish Blonde Joke At The Casino

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrives at the casino and bets twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.’

With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’

As the dice came to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals ‘YES, YES, I WON, I WON!’

She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings, her clothes and quickly leaves the Casino. The dealers are left staring at each other, completely dumb founded.

Finally, one of them asks, ‘What the hell did she roll?’ The other answers, ‘Stuffed if I know, I thought you were watching.’

Of course there is a moral to this story. Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb. But men are men and it just takes a couple of bouncing tits to distract the hell out of them.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Come on you gals, I know you liked this joke, so why not share it with your friends and make their day.  :smoke_tb:

OK, put your thinking cap for this next blonde Joke.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

‘How did this happen?’ asks the emergency room doctor.

‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.

‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’

‘No, silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my chest, &  then I thought, ‘I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants! No way I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’

‘What then?’ asked the doctor.

‘As I put the gun in my mouth I thought, ‘It cost me $3,000 to get my teeth straightened so I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’

‘So the you shot yourself in the finger?’

‘Nope, I had just put the gun to my ear, when I thought, ‘Man, this is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

OK, think about it for a minute and I’m sure you’ll get the funny side of that blonde joke. :wink_ee:

Finally, I’ve managed to get Sexy Sal to contribute one of her Sexy Sal’s blonde jokes.

Sexy Sals Irish blonde joke

Don’t forget to check out my sports jokes if you’re looking for more laughs.

So, which was your favouriteIrish Blonde joke

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Ranch Jokes Friday Funnies #200

Ranch Jokes that make people laugh. I came across some of these ranch jokes in my email the other day and they got me laughing so loudly that I had to include them in this weeks Friday Funnies. Seeing as how todays Friday Funnies is the 200th post of Friday Funnies I wanted it to be especially funny. I hope you find these ranch jokes as funny as I did.

A Female Ranch Jokes That Will Floor You

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick  your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

For our second ranch joke I thought it only fitting that Sexy Sals thrills us with another of her hilarious blonde jokes.

ranch jokes Sexy Sals blonde jokes

Next we go to Montana for our final ranch jokes.

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana.  The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the agent.

‘Well,’ replied old John, ‘There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.’

‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,’ says the agent.

‘That would be me,’ replied old rancher John.

Don’t be shy now, leave a comment telling us which of the jokes was your favourite.

I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to have a great weekend and to visit my sports jokes category for more funny jokes

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