A little while back I did a post called Duncan And Norm’s Big Night Out, and it had quite a bit of Aussie slang woven through it. I reckon a lot of you may have got the general idea of the story, but I believe that there may have been a few words that had you scratching your heads. So, without further ado I present to you the translated version, and perhaps you will be kind enough to leave a comment as to how well you did on your own.

This is a story about two friends who lived in the middle of nowhere. Though one of them was a Queenslander, Duncan, and the other a Tasmanian, Norm, they were both real Aussies as they loved their beer, sport, women and were a little on the uncultured side, but they were really good friends. They were never angry with each other and loved their beer.

One afternoon they were going really fast on their bikes heading for the local bar. They thought some good food was in order as it was way past their lunch time. Duncan ordered a pie floater (a meat pie floating in pea soup) while Norm has a pastie (pastry filled with tasty vegetables) with a bit of sauce. While eating they where talking about some of the things they’ve been up to. Ever since they were kids they’ve been friends and loved having a talk.
Norm: “Duncan, d’ya remember that day down at the deli where you bumped into that woman with the lovely set of tits?”
Duncan: “That’s not really fair pal, that wasn’t my fault!”
Norm: “You sure got slapped silly, Blimey, I can still see you falling over, and the look on her face when you asked if they were real, no wonder she wouldn’t have sex with you! Ha ha, she went crazy.”
Duncan: “Too bad because I reckon she would make a lot of noise if I got to have sex with her.”
Meanwhile Norm farts and the stench would send you right out outback of Australia..
Duncan: “Shit, Norm I reckon you better go off to the toilet and have a crap pal, I reckon you’ve had too many curried eggs for breakfast today!”
Norm just laughs and decides he had it coming to him so instead of complaining he changes the subject and says: “Say Duncan did you hear the one about the Englishman who goes to Australia with his wife; they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks, “Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?” The man replies, “My God! Don’t look, it’s disgusting!” Further down the road the wife says, “Look, another one!” and the husband says,
“Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel.”
They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg masturbating on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says to the manager,
“Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover having sex with a kangaroo. Further on, there’s a man having sex with another kangaroo. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about that?”
The manager says, ‘My God mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?”
Not to be outdone Norm replies with a grin. That’s nothin’ pal, hows about the Texan farmer who comes to Australia for a holiday. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large. Then they walk around the station a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as big as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Duncan in a fit of laughter falls off his chair right in front of this man and his stuck up wife who just happens to be as ugly as hell. Now this man is huge and tries to down Duncan with a haymaker but Duncan just ducks and then hits the dickhead with one straight in the gut. As he doubles over he knees him in the chin and knocks the idiot out cold.
Norm then gets up, tells Duncan that was a job well done and that it was time that they should leave.

I was the first to comment on Garry Conn’s Get Your Blog Listed In Loaded Web and his post intrigued me so much that I was actually going to join Loaded Web, the blog directory that he was promoting. What a disappointment to find that  the site was only accepting members from the USA and Canada. Once again we Aussies miss out on another opportunity. What a bloody gip! So I figured I would offer something that only Australians can take advantage of, something even better that what  Garry had to offer, as this had the potential to save any Aussie with a loan thousands of dollars.

I came across this opportunity just the other night whilst watching Today Tonight, a current affairs program, on Channel 7. They were talking about a program that could literally save people with a mortgage thousands of dollars. Now I don’t have a mortgage, but all the same the story piqued my interest because it resolved around banks overcharging their customers, and I hate the thought of anyone getting ripped off.  Anyway, it appears that a lot of banks were overcharging their customers, accidentally of course, and even though the amount wasn’t that big, over the term of the loan it could amount to a considerable amount.

Only recently it a major Australian bank discovered they had overcharged fees on 55,000 customer accounts! In total they had overcharged their customers a staggering $52,000,000!

The reason that many people don’t pick up on these errors is because many bank statements can be difficult to read causing the errors to be missed. A program was developed, Mortgage Watchdog, and the developers of this program are so sure that you will find an error in your statements that they promise a money back guarantee if you don’t find one. Not only that, they will also offer the;

$250 Success Guarantee”. Find errors in your bank statements or we refund your money AND give you an additional $250 for wasting your time.

So how can you lose? If that wasn’t a good enough deal you also get the following with the Mortgage Watchdog  Deluxe Bundle.

Mortgage Watchdog software Bonus #1 How to Pay Off Your Home Loan in No Time Flat Bonus #2 Equity Magic – $100 Gift Certificate. Bonus #3 Becoming Your Own Banker Bonus #4 Selling Your Home Made Easy Bonus #5 Real Estate With No Money Down Bonus #6 Fixer Upper Fortunes	$198.00 $ 59.00 $100.00 $ 25.00 $ 25.00 $ 25.00 $ 25.00
TOTAL	$457.00 Your Price: $198

So you see, as far as I know this software only works in Australia, so we Aussies finally have something over those Yanks! Now don’t you believe for a second that banks do not make mistakes. I’ve heard a lot of other news broadcasts where they’ve actually admitted to making errors, the question is not if they have or not but how much is it costing you? It’s really a win win situation because even if you are lucky enough to find your statement is error free, not only do you get your money back but an extra $250. Man, what a great way to start the new year, which is just around the corner.

If you really are looking for a place to list your blog, why not do it at Cool Blog Links, currently no. 1 on Google!

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Just in case there are some of you who may find that word offensive I implore you not to read any further because it is going to come up a hell of a lot of times throughout this post.

Some of us older Aussies may remember an Aussie band called Skyhooks. Well, way back in 1975 Skyhooks released their second album called “Ego Is Not A Dirty World.” I really liked that album, in fact I liked all their songs, from “Horror Movie” to “You Just Like Me ‘Cause I Am Good In Bed.” Every now and again I like to play around with a song’s lyrics and this time I thought I would have a bit of fun with “Ego Is Not A Dirty Word.” This will fit into my ‘Just For Fun Category’ as I thoroughly enjoyed making this up.

Bullshit Is Not A Dirty Word

If politicians did not bullshit the world would end
If politicians did not bullshit they would have a friend
If you did not bullshit you could be in strife
If you did not bullshit there’d be trouble with the wife

Bullshit is not a dirty word
Bullshit is not a dirty word
Don’t care what you’ve seen or you’ve heard
Bullshit is not a dirty word

You gotta be good at bullshit if you don’t want to be caught
If Clinton was good at bullshit his career would not be naught
If Hillary was good a bullshit she might have a chance
If Obama was good at bullshit you’d see his career advance

Bullshit is not a dirty word
Bullshit is not a dirty word
Don’t care what you’ve seen or you’ve heard
Bullshit is not a dirty word

People think that bullshit makes the world go around
When bullshit simply flows from town to town
The fact is we all bullshit
Even those who don’t admit it
We only differ in the amount
And quality really does count
So if bullshit you must
Then do it until you bust

Bullshit is not a dirty word
Bullshit is not a dirty word
Don’t care what you’ve seen or you’ve heard
Bullshit is not a dirty word (three times)

The FlexSqueeze Theme gives my blog that professional look. I loved it so much that I bought the developers license. It's the easiest most customizable theme I've come across. See how easy it is to change your theme's appearance! Compare it to Thesis to see how much better it is! Check out some of the latest Latest Updates

I highly recommend you to get your FlexSqueeze copy today!

I’ve seen a lot of blogs that host contests of one manner or another and usually the main motive for doing so is to gain readership. Sounds like a good idea but I figured there must be more involved than doing a post about it and getting good results. I was lucky enough to come across Prizetastic’s How To Host An Effective Competition as it contained certain information that had never crossed my mind.

I mean have you ever thought about the legalities of the competition you are holding? I know the legal aspect of a competion would never have crossed my mind. Honestly the six steps posted by this Aussie blogger, yep us Aussies are a clever lot, could really prove to be quite useful to anyone planning on hosting their own competition.

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