While suicide itself is an awful subject, one that is usually depressing, it doesn’t stop people from trying to write suicide jokes. I’ve come across two suicide jokes that I find pretty funny.

Suicide Jokes #1 Sailing To Italy

A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbour. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food, and I get a free trip to Italy .”

“I see,” the captain said.

Her conscience got the best of her, and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain.  “This is the Manly Ferry.”

Suicide Jokes #2 Aussie Suicide Counselling

suicide jokesThere is a desperate-looking woman who stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

Along comes this filthy tramp who just happens to be wandering by. He stops and says, “Look since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugs and turns away saying,”Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

The woman decides not to jump after all.

Don’t forget, you’ll get heaps more laughs reading the rest of my Friday Funnies. Or you could watch my funny Laughaholics videos.

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