Sometimes It’s Better To Just Not Give A Shit

I’m Sire and I am a Blogaholic! That’s exactly how I began my Comment Policy page and I suppose at the time I thought it was kind of cute. The rest of that post explains the rules that commentators have to live by if they expect their comments to be published. It also talks about the a movement I started, and although it never really took off it’s one of the main reasons why this blog is so successful.

I wasn’t always a blogger. I started off as a casual in the retail business while I worked my way through teachers college. I was a semester from completing the course when I decided it wasn’t for me. There were those who tried to convince me to change my mind saying that I should just stick it out until I completed the course. But I knew it was tMood Meterhe wrong thing to do because my heart wasn’t in it and I figured I wouldn’t be doing those kids any favors if I became a teacher. I felt that all those good teachers I ever had were good because they loved what they did and all the bad ones were those whose heart just wasn’t in it and I didn’t want to be one of those.

I’ve now been on this earth for some fifty two years and one of the little gems I can pass on to those who will come after me is that there are times when it’s best to just not give a shit. One of the reasons why there is so much strife in this world is that people get so uptight over the smallest of things. Instead of taking a breath and deciding that it’s not all that big a deal and how it would be better to let things go they get angry.

Anger is like poison. It corrupts the soul and destroys reason. It’s because of anger that people say things they don’t really mean, thereby hurting the ones they love. It’s anger that clouds judgment and causes people to make the wrong choice. Anger should probably be sitting there right alongside envy.

I believe there was many a time when this attitude saved me from making a mistake, both in my business and in my personal life. I have to admit it hasn’t always been easy in the real world because when a situation hits you more often than not you have to deal with it then and there.

Things should be different in the online world and I can’t understand it when I see people getting upset over something that they’ve read. I’ve seen it happen over a bloggers review of a product and how the owner of the product didn’t agree with it. Rather than conversing with the blogger in a calm and orderly manner, trying to resolve the issue he went on the attack and was a complete ass. After reading the comments I could see that his actions was hurting his reputation and credibility, and it was all so unnecessary.

Anger Controlls Him
Image via Wikipedia

I was attacked on one of my blogs by a bloke who turned out to be a huge bigot and I admit at first I was pretty upset. Although I was pretty pissed I knew it would be wrong of me to reply while I was in that mood. I sat there for a long while and I thought about it and I decided that as wrong as his comment was it couldn’t really hurt me unless I let it, so I decided not to give a shit because it wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

Once I calmed down I replied calmly trying to show him the error of his ways which seemed to only make things worse. The calmer I remained the more abusive he got. Some of his comments were so vile I had to delete them. What he failed to see was that his actions actually did his cause more harm than good and because of this people sided with me.

As bloggers, online marketers or whatever else we want to be while we are online we must always remember that we have one real advantage over those times when we’re in the real world. That advantage is time! Time to take a breath, count to 10 grab a coffee or whatever it takes to calm us down. It’s only when we’re in a calm frame of mind that we’re able to treat the situation rationally.

Water off a Duck´s BackSo, next time someone writes or says something that pisses you off, and it doesn’t matter if it’s on your blog or via one of the many social medias such as Twitter or Facebook just imagine that you’re a duck and that those words are like water falling off a ducks back. This will give you the time to gather your thoughts so that when you do write your comment it’s one that does you proud rather than one that may lead you on the road to self destruction.

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Peter Pelliccia

I'm an Aussie blogger who loves to blog and share everything that I've learned on my blogging journey, including blogging tips and ways to blog for money. I am also trying to make my way on YouTube. You can follow my progress by subscribing to My Bonzer Channel.

This Post Has 80 Comments

  1. Definitely an attention-getting title, i couldn’t resist clicking through and i’m glad i did. I think you’ve got the right idea, taking a break just from work in general is a way of healing, so to speak.

    1. I agree. Great post by the way and I hope many people get to read this because people always talk and at times it is not always good that comes out. Thank you for the post.

  2. Hi Sire,
    Today I’m back back blogging after a 9 month hiatus. Your words are timely wisdom for me to remember that someone out there will not like what I write and will make their feelings known.

    I’ will do my best to just let it roll of like water of a ducks back.

    P.S. Sorry about the Ashes.

    1. Good to have you back Gordie :drunk_tb:

      Yeah, lucky for me I don’t follow cricket all that much, but I would have preferred not to lose, especially because of the rivalry with those Poms. :wink_ee:

      Are you blogging from NZ now or are you still in China?

      1. Hey Sire,
        I’ve been back in Auckland, NZ for about five months now. So, I’m now a NZ based blogger.

        Hope you have a great 2011!

        1. Yep, I’ve just found that out for myself as I’ve just come from your blog. At least it will be a lot cooler where you are. We’re going to hit 43C today. What a great way to bring in the New Year. I hope that wherever I end up tonight their beer is bloody cold. :drunk_tb:

          Happy New Year Mate.
          Sire recently posted…Why The List Hater Has His Very Own ListMy Profile

          1. Yeah, we don’t ever get into the 40’s and very seldom into the 30’s. But humidity is high and makes nights trying to get to sleep difficult.

            No air con here, so I bought a fan. That does the trick.

            Enjoy those cold beers.

            1. That’s because we’re tough Gordie. They don’t make em like us anymore mate. The kids have air conditioning in their rooms but I’ve always been satisfied with the ceiling fan. Nothing better than feeling whispers of air cooling the sweat off your body. :tongue_wink_ee:
              Sire recently posted…Procrastination And How It Can Cost You MoneyMy Profile

  3. Sometimes people do have a tendancy to rub you the wring way, but you’re right being angry at that persona and responding fire with fire isnt a wise move and you did well to not give a shit at times.
    I think people who tend to unleash angry, vidictive comments are really insecure people who have not much to live or been disillusion so they endeavour to force other people to agree with them ..if you look at the secure, confident human he/she is humble, slow to anger and listens..and mostly they dont give a shit life is for living and blessing others..

    1. I reckon you may be right when you mention their insecurity Matt. Another good reason to let them be. Perhaps a positive comment rather than a vindictive one could help to get them on your side.
      Sire recently posted…DoFollow NoFollow War Compared To The Toilet Seat SagaMy Profile

  4. Its always a good idea not to be personally upset when someone tries to start a fight over something you blog because on the internet are a lot of fake people, you never know what agenda they are persuing so the best suggestion is to ignore them.

      1. Sometimes, it’s amusing even when you aren’t a “fake person.” Is that a horrible admission, on my part? I used to get emotionally vested in every little thing, online. Now, I rarely do, and sometimes I marvel at just how deep a hole people will dig for themselves when they get all hot and bothered over some seemingly trivial thing. Obviously, it’s not trivial to them. Or perhaps it is – maybe it’s just the last straw in an overwrought day.

        It isn’t that I don’t care; it’s that I’ve learned to breathe – to step away from the monitor for a bit, gain perspective, and return to it without the heat and irrationality of emotion. Also, since we don’t have the benefit of seeing body language and facial expression, I try to determine if there are other interpretations – if the blogger, perhaps, is being sarcastic. If the commenter is trying to be funny, but missing the mark. I try to give benefit of the doubt until it’s proven that there can be no doubt.

        1. Hey Holly,

          I’m usually pretty tolerant but there are times when people can go just too far and when reasoning doesn’t work the only thing left is the delete button. :devil_tb:

          1. Oh, definitely. I used to worry about that, as well, but some days…

            I’ll put up with disagreement, debate, even a certain amount of rudeness (it reflects more on the commenter than it does on me, right?) – but not abuse of other commenters.

            I think you’ve read this – it’s an oldie but a goodie – http://jahangiri.us/new/2009/05/14/champagne-and-strawberries-vindication

            Yeah, don’t think I’ve flinched once, since then, over hitting the delete button. ;)

  5. I remember getting ‘fan boy’ attacks on some of my reviews because in my opinion they were shizer but they didnt agree!

    Staying calm is key; most of them after a calm reply vanish.

    1. There you go Donace, so it’s not all theory and I’m not the only one whose found remaining calm is the only way to respond to angry people.

  6. I hate those commentators who try to strike up a mess on my posts. I just delete their comments. Thanks for the post, it made my mood)

    1. Anytime Vasili.

      As to deleting the post, I left the majority of that persons comments as I hoped it would be an example to others of how not to act.

  7. In regard to the abusive commenters, I sometime diffuse the situation by asking a question. When he or she concentrates on answering the question, it can sometimes make them realize how much of an ass they appear to be. More often than not, the remainder of the comments are much more friendly.

  8. Hi Sire,
    I’m glad you didn’t stoop to that person’s level even though you said you got pissed at first.
    You’re right, being angry isn’t the right way to solve anything. Even if it solves something, chances are that someone’s feelings will get hurt.
    Johanna recently posted…The Pros and Cons of Working at HomeMy Profile

    1. Welcome to WassupBlog Johanna, I do believe this is your first visit. I hope it won’t be your last.

      I hate hurting peoples feelings but I reckon that most people who leave spiteful, hateful comments just don’t have feelings as they’re just too thick skinned.

      Naturally there may be some whose reactions are triggered purely as a reflex action, but they shouldn’t be surprised if it backfires and so if they’re feelings get hurt they are partly to blame. Sometimes it’s just best to walk away.
      Sire recently posted…There’s More To Helium Than Meets the EyeMy Profile

  9. While you deleted only some of the commenter’s comments, in my case, I just simply dumped it on the ‘trash’. I was writing about how I solved a particular problem (an exe file that’s eating 100% cpu resources). I am unsure why he used very poisonous words and called me names saying I am a jerk for showing others that kind of solution, when I should have used the solution which he then suggested.
    Usually these types are first time visitors who think they could spread their mental disease to others.

    1. Hi James, naturally one has to use their gut feeling as to whether or not to dump a comment. In my case I allowed some of his comments as he was expressing an opinion. Sure his opinion was skewed and I tried to put him straight, but I was hoping to show him the error of his ways.

      The only comments I deleted was when he got abusive, there’s absolutely no need for that and I just won’t stand for it.

      The guy you’re referring to is obviously a jerk. There can be many solutions for the same problem and it’s up to the individual to decide which one is the best for them.

      1. Precisamente, Sire. :smile2_ee:

        Then perhaps, it was just a long bad day for him.

  10. I had to stop by and wish you a happy New Year.

    Thanks sire for all you shared with us this year. I have personally learned an insane amount about blogging from you.

    I agree sometimes its better to not give a shit and let stuff just roll off your shoulders.

    Btw, I love your fuck – o – Meter its hilarious

    Warmest Regards
    Larry Rivera
    Larry Rivera recently posted…Christmas Wish – To All A Good Nite!My Profile

    1. Oh now you’ve done it Larry, Google is going to see that four letter word and kick me in the ass. :tongue_rolleye_ee:

      It is cool though isn’t it? It would be great to have one of those handy so that you can monitor your stress levels. :cheese1_ee:

      I’m glad I was able to impart some of my wisdom on you Larry, but this blogging business is all about sharing and I reckon I’ve learned just as much from others, including you, as I’ve shared with them via this wonderful medium.
      Sire recently posted…There’s More To Helium Than Meets the EyeMy Profile

  11. I agree with you Sire, I too have the “Do whatever or say whatever you want I do not care” attitude with people like that. Sometimes many people can certainly act a prick. I act calmly when I get abusive commentators and if it gets out of hand then I block him. :)

    1. Hi Shiva, I believe I did end up blocking him, once his comments got to be too annoying. Didn’t have Akismet then otherwise I would have sent him to Spam Hell.

  12. In a word … Profound.

    But since I know you hate one or in this case, four) word comments, I’ll elucidate.

    There are very few situations in life – and almost none in blogging – where REACTING is better than RESPONDING.

    So when someone behaves like a complete prat (you can look that up), calm down, breathe and Respond in a dignified, intelligent manner.

    And then, in the privacy of your office, print off a copy of his/her avatar and throw darts at it.

    1. You are so right Jacqueline but I have have a better idea than using their avatar as a dart board. Actually I reckon this idea would be great for a new business idea.

      Imagine an online store where you log on an upload an image of someone your really dislike. That image is then printed on some toilet rolls and then posted out. Naturally you would get discount for bulk orders.

      What do you reckon, could we make a go of it?
      Sire recently posted…It’s Time For A Little Link LuvMy Profile

      1. Love that idea! heheheh Love toilet humour!

  13. Well, I always think that there is nothing in this world that deserves to make you sad, angry. You practically waste your energy for something that won’t give you anything back, you will just waste your time and energy for nothing.

    Also, like you said, if you answer when angry you will most likely say something that you will regret later. SO the “do not give a shit” variant is the best!
    Alex recently posted…Impuscaturi multiplayerMy Profile

    1. Hey Alex, we’ve only got a short time on this lovely planet of ours and it would be a shame to waste it by being angry all the time at all the little things that happen while on it.

  14. Hey Sire,

    Thanks for this post, I did actually worry that some people would not like what I write, but now I am not gonna give a sh*t.

    If people don’t like it they can go elsewhere!

    All the best for 2011, I will be back on your blog for more great advice so more of the same would great ha ha thanks.

    Alex

    1. Alex, I hope that doesn’t mean you’re going to write stuff to intentionally piss people off as that’s not what I’m saying at all.

      If on the other hand your withholding posts because you’re worried as to whether people will like them, then post away. I’m sure not everyone agrees or likes all my posts but I post it anyway for those that do.

      All the best for you also in 2011

  15. Usually people who really nastily attack you over a post are looking for just that: get you so upset you’ll do something stupid.

    And very good point, whereas is life it’s sometimes hard to keep one’s cool, blogging gives you all the time you want to simmer down and act in a more “dignified” manner.

    But in general terms my experience has been that whether in life or in writing, answering calmly and reasonably will just get the attacker more aggressive. Usually the best response in no response.

    1. Sarah that is so true, but in blogging, even though it may piss the other person off, you may need to make a stance so that others can see you stand by your convictions. Who knows, by answering in a reasonable dignified manner stating exactly why you making such a stance, you may win that person over and he, or she, may become your best follower.

  16. Aloha Peter,

    How are you? I love that you were able to “step back” and not react to the comment. All too often I have reacted instead of responded in person and made a big mistake.

    This is the advantage of typing instead of speaking. You can see what you are saying and realize you are saying the inappropriate thing before you press “enter”! Heehee :lol_wp: It like “white out” before you make a mistake!!

    Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency and I agree with you!

    Happy Holidays! :clap_tb:

    Much love & aloha,
    Kellie :grin1_ee:


  17. Twitter:
    Well, you know how I am. Most of the time I can be pretty cool, but there are a couple of times I remember where I literally decided I had to let someone know what was up. I remember that post and I think I said something to the jerk. And I remember a couple of others where I just didn’t sit back.

    I will delete a post in a heartbeat. After all, I’m paying for this stuff; it’s not charity, and I don’t have to be the Constitution of the U.S if I don’t feel it. I’ve deleted few things, though, as you know.

    You’re just a calmer guy than I am, I suppose. :-)
    Mitch recently posted…Why I May Not Comment On Your BlogMy Profile

    1. Yeah, there are times when you can’t just sit back and thenit becomes a choice as to whether to delete or confront. It really depends on the comment itself; will leaving the comment add to the discussion etc.

      Like you I will delete a comment in a heart beat if I think it deserved it.
      Sire recently posted…Procrastination And How It Can Cost You MoneyMy Profile

  18. Sire – I think this is a very inspiring post. I think if more people stop fighting against their circumstances and just let go their life will change for the better because there would be less stress and worry in their life.

    I liked your advice on using time to take a breath and calm down. Anger is definitely a poison and if we can learn to not let it overtake our lives we can make better decisions about how to improve our circumstances, whether that be in business or in our personal lives.

    1. I’m glad you liked it John. It’s always a pleasure to find that any given post has struck the right chord in the reader, and doubly so when they take the time to leave a comment telling me so. :clap_tb:

  19. It’s truly amazing how much petty arguing can be found online, whether it’s blog comments, forum posts, feedback on top news stories, etc. It can be fair to say that some things are either lost in translation, or the original article, blog, or story was somewhat controversial in nature.

    Things can go bad for quite a number of reasons, but like you say, it’s all about how you handle it.

    1. Hey Nick, I know stupid how things can escalate to such and extent that tempers flare beyond control. I’m sure that there are some who do it on purpose just to get a rise out of people. All the more reason not to let them win by losing your temper.

  20. Hi Sire

    Wow you having it even warmer than us. We expect 40C tomorrow and then for a few days after that!

    I don’t post angry comments on my blog. I don’t mind if someone doesn’t agree with me. Just how it is said. People come to my blog to smell the lavenders and that’s what I want them to do ;-)

    However, I have found in life that angry people try to get others angry and then blame the other person. Had that happen to me more than once. Those people are no longer around in my life.

    As you say Sire, life’s too short. I have positive people around me now and of course my blogging buddies too so life’s sweet :-)

    Happy New Year and all the best for 2011. Glad I bumped into you in the blogosphere and thanks for all your support of my small niche blog and me in 2010.

    Patricia Perth Australia

    1. Hey Patricia, that’s what mates are for and you’ll be seeing more of me in 2011 as I reckon I’ll need the soothing effects of lavender to get me through. Not to mention that of a cool sheila to keep my spirits up.

      Say, did you get those invites to Helium?
      Sire recently posted…There’s More To Helium Than Meets the EyeMy Profile

      1. I did get the invites and thanks. Haven’t done anything about it yet. Been playing catchup after a few days off over Christmas.

        Thanks for sending the invite to me Sire. Much appreciated.

        Patricia Perth Australia

        1. No rush Patricia, I just wasn’t sure that you got them. Now that I know you have I won’t have to wonder anymore.

  21. I can not imagine that anyone would disagree with you there; and the way you handled the instance you site just proves the point. Had you returned abuse for abuse you’d both come off as jerks. By responding calmly, you “heaped burning coals on his head” and made it easy for others to rally around you.

    BTW: I really like the new photo in your header. Happy New Year!

    1. Hey Allan, that’s actually the old photo, I just replaced it with the Xmas theme and now I reverted to my normal one. Still, having said that I may change the header just to keep you guys on your toes.
      Sire recently posted…Are Your Goals For 2011 AchievableMy Profile

      1. Ahhhh… well, you see that’s the advantage of having a really lousy memory… everything seems like a new adventure!!

  22. Well, I need to ask you one simple thing here, and that is where can I find the theme that you are using for your blog?

    1. That’s easy Sami, it’s the FlexSqueeze theme and I highly recommend it.

  23. Well said Sire

    Life is too short to get uptight.

    Your philosophy has served you well.
    This is one of the most successful blogs that I visit.

    Have a great 2011 and don’t forget not to give a s**t. LOL
    Keith Davis recently posted…Public speaking humourMy Profile

    1. Thanks Keith, it’s good to know that there are some of you guys who love what I put out. It inspires me to keep keeping on.

      I hope you have a great 2011 as well.

  24. Sire,

    I can’t remember how many comments i deleted..

    There are tons of them, and i am very confident deleting them, because i know i am right and they deserve it.

    If they don’t like it they should not visit..that is sad but simple..

    I hope you had a great new year’s eve.

    Kimi.
    Kimi recently posted…WordPress google ranking plugin — boost blog rankingMy Profile

  25. Hey there! I agree with the message you’re trying to convey through this blog. I guess that’s what most people lack. Only because they want to express what they feel or what’s on their mind, they don’t mind if what they’re saying is off the limits anymore. I hope this kinds of people read your blog and the message of this blog sink in their heads. :D

    1. I certainly hope so Ives, otherwise I would have wasted a post.

  26. Sire,

    Great post and good advice! Good way to start out the new year (HNY BTW).

    I like the duck analogy but if you have a dog, you need not look any further that that. I you can learn a lot by watching and emulating a dog. They don’t care abut anything, offer almost endless love and excitement and just roll with whatever is happening.

    They never get upset, overreact or take anything the wrong way.

    :)
    Rob McCance recently posted…Atlanta Property TaxesMy Profile

    1. Thanks Rob,

      and yes I can see how comparing it to a dog’s life could be another way of looking at it. Thanks for the suggestion.
      Sire recently posted…Are Your Goals For 2011 AchievableMy Profile

  27. It could also be other bloggers trying to start a feud as linkbait. Ignoring them is best for many reasons lol. By they way I love your blog, just came across it for the first time.

    1. I’ve seen that happen too but could never see the sense in it.

      Glad you like the blog Dan.

  28. I definitely agree with your viewpoint on this Sire. It is easy to overreact, especially online. You can make big mistakes by not allowing yourself time to calm down before dealing with such situations. If you let yourself get angry, you are only punishing yourself. Once you take the time to calm down, more often than not, you realize that it is not worth getting angry about.

    1. Yep, and if you do it on a public forum like a blog you’re just showing everyone what an ass you are.

      1. For sure, you don’t want some unnecessary argument to come back to haunt you. When the whole conversation is public, you have to be even more careful. The risk is especially high for people who are online newbies. They might not realize the consequences of their words. Beginners often overlook the importance of maintaining a solid online reputation.


  29. Twitter:
    You are right, sometime it is better to not give a shit! as a 30 old pan, I just don’t understand how the product owner you were talking about, couldn’t simply have a civilized conversation with the poster instead of going crazy over it.
    It really is hard for me to understand why people get mad over stupidest stuff both online and offline.

    1. I suppose it’s just that some people don’t want to admit that they’re wrong and even when they realize they’re at fault they won’t admit it.
      Sire recently posted…Why I Chose MailChimp Over AweberMy Profile

      1. Yes anger is tough for some people to understand. Often it is as simple as people being stubborn or misunderstood. There is also the mental health side of things. Too many people have mental problems that go untreated. As a result, many of those people get mad quite easily and have irrational views. So if you do come across someone who is acting angrier than what seems justified, try to be extra patient and understand that their anger may just be misdirected.

  30. When I first started creating a website I read the support forum for the system I was using. And there was this woman that was all upset because someone sent her a hate mail.

    The best answer she got was “Delete it!”.

    That is all I can say on this matter :)

    1. That is so true, delete it and forget it ever happened. Life’s way to short to let that sort of thing upset you.

      Naturally people wouldn’t do that to you otherwise you’d have them in your gun sights :guns_tb: :laugh_tb:
      Sire recently posted…Of Good Hosts And Bad Hosts- Beware The Bad HostsMy Profile

  31. One can ignore negative comments but when someone gets personal while commenting, it certainly calls for some verbal volleys. But we bloggers have our hands bonded. We cannot reply a brick with a stone. It is in the best interest of everyone, who is involved in the discussion that we ignore such morons!

    1. Hey Irene, I think it all depends on the comment, I can only ignore so much, if the comment is especially bad I would rather just delete it.

  32. HI Sire
    I love your comment and your analogy with the duck. It is true what you said but it also works also outside the blogging. If someone tells you something that upsets you and you don’t react to them they will get more irritated and upset but you stay calm. That’s what I try to teach my girls not to get upset and not to let people bother them and to show them that you don’t care.

    1. That is so true, if you don’t react people will usually move on, but if you do show a reaction, that’s when the problem shows.

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