Many people love to poke fun and religion which has lead to quite a few religious jokes. I figured why not have a couple of religious jokes as part of our Friday Funnies.
Religious Jokes #1 A Rabbi in the Confessional Booth
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.
The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. After a few minutes a woman comes in and says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asks “What did you do?”. The woman says “I committed adultery.” Priest: “How many times?” Woman: “Three times.” Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Priest: “What did you do?” Man: “I committed adultery.” Priest:”How many times?” Man: “Three times.” Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Rabbi: “What did you do?” Woman: “I committed adultery.” Rabbi: “How many times?” Woman: “Once.”
Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”
Religious Jokes #2 The Retiring Priest
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish…
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife and had sex with his boss’s 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions.
He had taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things… But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the Priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived” said the politician. “In fact I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late
Religious Jokes #3 Once an Asshole……
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
Just goes to prove that some folk will always be assholes
Religious Jokes #4 Being Quiet In Church
And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you got a kick out of it. Why not share it with your friends so you can brighten up their day as well. Just use one of the Social Share buttons at the end of this post.
Do you know what is funnier that religious jokes? Sports jokes and I have some ripper sports jokes for you.
About Peter Pelliccia I'm an Aussie blogger who loves to blog and share everything that I've learned on my blogging journey, including blogging tips and ways to blog for money.
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