This is just a post I put together to have a bit of fun. It’s just to show that blogging can be used as a medium to enjoy oneself.
In a time not so long ago, when Rundle Mall first became South Australia’s central shopping district, there lived in the nearby suburb of Elizabeth a typical Aussie couple, Dastardly Darryl and Big Bertha. Just like any other couple who have been married for some years, they had settled into a routine where the male works his butt off, and the female spends all his money.
It wasn’t always like that as things were very different before the birth of Rundle Mall. Big Bertha used to be just like any other woman that stayed home, loyally making sure that the house was clean, the bed was warm and her husband content. Things changed once Rundle Mall came to life. Big Bertha and all the other women discovered shopping. They became so drunk with their lust for specials that man’s idyllic life came to an abrupt end.
There wasn’t a man alive that could control them anymore. Yet the men remembering a time when men were men wanted to approach Dastardly Darryl who was the toughest of them all. The men got together and after much discussion, and a lot of beer drinking, a large group of them converged on Darryl’s doorstep with a case of Johnny Walker, for they heard that Johnny Walker gave you balls.
Unfortunately, the case of scotch only made him drunk beyond belief, and while staggering in a drunken stupor, he stumbled and fell. As luck would have it, he fell right over a small Bunyip, a magical creature, pinning him with his massive carcass. This particular Bunyip was not like the Bunyips of Aboriginal lore as he was able to grant just one wish! But only if Darryl would free him.
Darryl remembering the days before Rundle Mall, when men had control and women lived under a glass ceiling, realised that the most significant difference in those bygone days was men had the balls to deal with these situations.
With that in mind, Dastardly Darryl wished that he had balls, but not just any old balls he wanted the biggest balls of all. He wanted big stainless steel balls, balls that would clang as he walked striking fear into all the shopaholic women! Big reflective, shining stainless steel balls so that those who would dare gaze upon them would see what they had become and yearn for the days when men supported them. Balls so bloody big that even Big Bertha’s mutton chop hands could not crush them.
The Bunyip granted him his wish! Dastardly Darryl approached Rundle Mall after many hours of travelling. His terrifying demeanour and the clanging of his balls striking fear in all women, all except Big Bertha, her crazed shopping mind too far gone to see reason. They faced each other at opposite sides of the mall under an overcast sky filled with lightning and thunder. It was high noon as they approached each other, Darryl’s big balls banging together with a noise louder than the roar of thunder. They met in the centre of the Mall when Big Bertha Grabs his balls and squeezes with such force, but to no avail as Dastardly Darryl merely chortles with mirth.
This is too much for Big Bertha, who opens her mouth and lets forth a long, terrifying screech pitched so high that it shattered his eardrums. The ensuing vibrations from the scream caused the balls to vibrate so much they fell right off Darryl, and he collapsed. As the fell, Big Bertha saw her reflection in them and as her jaw dropped she decided that she definitely needed to fix her mascara and then remembered that David Jones had a sale on.
To this day the Rundle Mall Balls are on display, and many swear that they have seen Big Bertha madly shopping in some of the stores.
The moral of this story is it takes more than big balls to keep a woman away from those opening specials.
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