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Funny Sayings Friday Funnies #343

Do you like funny sayings? I love funny sayings. There are some who may refer to funny sayings as being related to proverbs. I’m not so sure as former are intended to either educate or give advice in some way. While the hilarous sayings you will find in this post may contain some helpful information, their sole purpose is to make you laugh.

Funny Sayings In An Unfair World

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s considered sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).

 My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

 Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you..

 Wife to husband: You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy.

Husband to wife:  I didn’t expect to live this long!

 As I grow older…. My mind doesn’t just wander… Sometimes it buggers off completely.

 As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

 Isn’t it weird that in Australia our flag and culture can offend so many people, yet our benefits don’t?

Of course, I have a talent. I’m exceptional in bed. There are times when I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.

We’re all born free and then we’re taxed to death

If you’re not supposed to eat at night why do they put a light in the fridge?

funny sayings

Aunty Acid always has funny stuff to say. I’ve featured a lot of them throughout this blog. One that I particularly like is the one where Aunty Acid has PMS.

You thought that was funny, you should check out my smart parrot jokes. You could also check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. While there, why not subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Revitalise Your Blog Make More Money

revitalise your blog

Yes, if you want to make more money blogging, you must revitalise your blog! Even if you’re going to continue to make more money blogging, you must revitalise your blog. It’s essential to revitalise your blog to continue to increase the amount of money you’re making online.

Revitalise Your Blog Meaning

So, what do I mean when I’m talking about revitalising your blog? I suppose the best way to answer that question, is by telling you what I’m doing to revitalise my blogs.

Update Your Affiliate Links

It’s 2019, and I’ve decided to take a hard look at all my affiliates. Which ones are performing and which ones are not? The ones that are not converting I’ve given the flick. The ones that are I’m reviewing their landing pages as well as the banner images. Perhaps new banners will perform better. That’s something I should be doing more often.

Affiliate Banner Placements

We all know that the best place for advertising banners and affiliate links are above the fold. This is because that’s where the majority of views will be exposed to them. Not everyone will scroll below the all-important ‘fold’ of your post.

Revitalise Your Content Creation

Read more? You Know You Want to

Marriage Humour Friday Funnies #342

Marriage is a serious business and yet there is a hell of a lot of marriage humour floating around. Take this simple story of marriage humour of a poor husband denied a fishing trip with his mates.

Marriage Humour & The Fishing Trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip. Two days before the group is to leave Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. 

Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but there is nothing they can they do. 

A couple of days later the three arrived at the campsite only to find Frank sitting there, tent already up, firewood gathered and fish cooking on the fire. 

“Damn it, man, how long have you been here and how the hell did you talk your wife into letting you go?” 

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘’Guess who?” 

I pulled her hands off and saw she was wearing a brand new see through nightdress. She then took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. 

 Then, slowly she said, “Now do whatever you want.” 

Here I am.

How about this for a bit of marriage humour?

marriage humour

Don’t go away just yet, I have more marriage humour for you.

A man and woman, complete strangers, were on a train travelling together. As it turned out they had to sleep in the same carriage. After some embarrassment they decided she should have the top bunk while he slept in the lower one.

Minutes later the woman leans over saying, “It’s awfully cold, would you mind getting me another blanket?”

The man, rolls over, smiling and says, “I have a better idea, why don’t we pretend we’re married?”

The woman, admiring his incredible physique, giggles and says, “Sounds good to me.”

To which the man replies, “Good, get your own blanket.”

You thought that was funny, you should check out my disgruntled wife jokes. You could also check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. While there, why not subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Smart Parrot Jokes

For today’s Friday Funnies, I’ve put together a small collection of funny parrot jokes. As I’ve already used the ‘parrot jokes‘ keyword phrase in a previous post I thought I’d get around that by using smart parrot jokes for this post.

Smart Parrot Jokes #1

A burglar was busily stealing jewellery and valuables from a house, when a parrot on a perch behind him says, “Jesus is watching you.” 

The thief takes no notice and continues his stealing. The parrot repeats, ” Jesus  is watching you.”     

The thief becomes annoyed and snaps at the parrot, “Who do you think you are ?”    

The parrot says ” Moses!”     

“That’s a funny name for a parrot !”     

The parrot replies, “Not half as funny as a Rottweiler dog named “Jesus !”

smart parrot jokes

Smart Parrot Jokes #2

A man goes into a pet shop with the intention of buying a parrot. After a brief conversation the shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.” 

“Bullshit,” says the man! “Why does that parrot cost so much?”

To which the owner replies, “Well, that parrot knows how to do legal research.”

The customer, astounded, then asks about the next parrot. To his surprise, he learned that the second parrot would set him back $1,000! The reason he was given was that it could do everything the other parrot could do as well as being able to write a brief that could win any case.

When he enquired about the last parrot he was told that it cost him $4,000! Not knowing what to expect the customer asked, “What can it do?”

The owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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