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Friday Funnies #29 Is All About Call Centers

Have you ever thought how frustrating it must be for those poor guys man those call centers? Poor bastards. Sure they must get a legitimate caller every now and again and they probably breathe a sigh of relief when that happens. As for the rest of them, just try to imagine what it must be like dealing with hundreds of morons who shouldn’t be allowed to own anything more technical than a potato peeler. Heck some people probably shouldn’t even own one of those.

I reckon that’s why most call centers are moved overseas! sure they want to save money, but for the most part it’s because our call center operators aren’t able to put up with anymore crap.Anyway, for this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would reproduce a few actual call center conversations.

Actual Call Center Conversations !

Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?’.
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Center’.
Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’.
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Directory Inquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’..
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.
Customer: ‘OK’.
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.
Customer: ‘Sure.. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- ———— ——— ——— ——— —-

There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable…’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power……. .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!

Now tell the truth, you’re feeling a bit more compassion for those call center guys now aren’t you? :tongue_laugh_ee: Naturally we all get pissed when we’re trying to resolve an issue and we get someone on the other line who has an accent we can’t understand and we all blame those overseas call centers, but is it really their fault?

An Indian Call Center Conversation ;)

And just to finish off here is a little something from Aunty Acid, who as you know doesn’t take any crap.  :laugh_tb:

Aunty Acid Cartoon about crap

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What Is A Bloggers Biggest Cost?

You want to become a blogger but not sure whether or not you can afford it? Well, unless you go the free platform route, which would be a grave mistake, you’re biggest expense would be your hosting costs. Even though hosting a blog on your own domain is one of the few recurring costs as far as owing your very own prospective business it is so cheap it’s laughable.

Those who know me know I own a fair few blogs, 10 to be exact, more if you were to count my other websites. I used to host all my blogs with the same host but I learned the hard way how the error of my ways. You see, if for whatever reason one of those sites uses too much of the host’s CPU resources they will pull the plug on you meaning that all your sites go offline. That is unless you use BlueHost which uses CPU Throttling.

Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

Not putting all your eggs in one basket is a very wise saying and one you should remember when having multiple blog sites, especially if they are business related. To date I use BlueHost, WebHostingPad, HostGator, Lunar Pages and most recently Green Geeks, more about that in another post.

The reason for this post is to let my readers now that as an affilate of the above hosts I occasionally get notified when they’re offering a great deal. When they do I like to let you guys know, partly because I hope to make a sale or two but also because I know there are those who are waiting for a great deal. Well wait no longer, because have I got a deal for you?  :thumbup_tb:

Host Gator 40% Coupon

Yep, you read that right! HostGator is offering 40% off on all of their shared

Use Coupon 40Off

Both Linux and Windows Hosting are included! This is the largest special they’ve offered this year and the reason why I’m actually writing this post.

Yeah, yeah, I know you’re all waiting for that coupon code, but honestly, haven’t you noticed little Abigail holding it up for you over there on the right. That’s right the coupon code to use is 40OFF. So, if you’ve been waiting all this time to host your own site now would be a good time to take your online business to the next level.

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Time Is Running Out On CommentLuv Premium

Last week I told you about getting the most out of CommentLuv Premium, a post that came complete with a how to video. Apart from showing you how the premium version could increase your traffic, not to mention your brand name, it also explained how joining JVZoo would let you promote it without having to actually own it.

I also mentioned that Andy was running a dime sale and how the price of the plugin would increase every time a set amount of sales was reached. When I wrote that post the plugin was worth $21 and now it’s reached $23.22. Considering the plugin usually sells for $97 that is still a great bargain. But what makes it really attractive is that for this extremely low price you will be getting the unlimited license which means you can use it on as many blogs you own.   :drunk_tb:

Unlimited Licence 1st Year Anniversary

commentluv Premium Dime Sale

As you can see, since my last post the plugin has gone up a whole $2.22, which isn’t all that much, but why pay more when you don’t have to, right? The thing to remember is that there is only 7 days left of the sale. Check out this link now to see how much the plugin is worth now and how much time you have left before the sale runs out.

Although the price alone should be enough to convince you to get hold of CommentLuv Premium Andy is being really generous by offering a whole lot of bonuses.

Check Out These Free Bonuses

15 Ways To Generate Traffic: An exclusive eBook written by the top blog authors of 2012 with the best tips on generating traffic!

WP Dealpon Plugin: This is version 2 of the original plugin which allows you to offer groupon type deals on your blog, complete with countdown timer.

WP Mail Ads (with PLR):  Private Label Rights to the awesome plugin that ads your own ad to the end of every email that your blog sends out.
Dashboard Widget (with lonely comments): Show lonely comments in your dashboard so you can reply straight away and keep your readers happy. This is the guest blogger version.

WP Auto Links: This plugin automatically converts your chosen keywords into affiliate links. Once you set the keywords it places an affiliate link every time that keyword appears throughout your whole blog. This plugin alone may be the turning point where you will finally start making money with your blog.

Premium Headers Pack: This pack contains an awesome collection of  PSD files as well as a video that shows you to change the premium headers that you’ll find within the pack to anything that you want.

That’s right, you will get all those extra products for free. If you were kicking yourself for

 Be a blogging ninja! Get CommentLuv Premium and start reaping all the benefits!

missing out on the last promotion you definitely won’t want to miss out on this one. There’s no telling when and if Andy will ever run such a promotion again.

You may not know this but I’m actually making money with Andy’s plugin. How you may ask? Because people who buy from me see that I am actually using it and that alone is a great sales booster. That’s not why I bought it though, that is just a sweet bonus. I bought it because of all of the benefits I get from it. Benefits that leave the standard version for dead!

OK, I’ve told you why you should get it. Here’s a challenge for you. Can anyone tell me, apart from the fact that you have to open your wallet  :innocent1_tb: why you shouldn’t get it?

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Friday Funnies # 28 Understanding Men

Welcome to the latest Friday Funnies guys. Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face and starts you off on a great weekend. As my last Friday Funnies post was pretty well all about blondes I thought I would make this one all abut men. Besides, it seems that lately I’ve been concentrating too much on the ladies and most of those times I’ve been getting into trouble, usually because I’ve said the wrong thing or something.

You know guys, we always seem to think that the reason we don’t get women is because they’re a real mystery to us. Could it be that women want it that way? Think about it! If they really wanted us to know what how they tick they would have produced a bloody manual by now wouldn’t they. :tongue_laugh_ee: Anyway, just so the gals can’t say the same thing about us I’m going to put this out there for everyone to see.

Understanding Men Men Need Rules

Yep, that’s all there is to us ladies. We need rules, and just you know what they are I’m going to lay them all out for you.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. :tongue_laugh_ee:

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –

to give them a bigger laugh.

There you have it ladies, as long as you abide by those rules we’re going to get along just fine. And of course you know the best way to pass it onto your mates is by using one of the social sharing icons floating on the right there. :thumbup_ee:

Now, how many of you play peek a boo with your baby? Don’t ever, ever let them find out you’ve never left the room.

peek a boo baby

And finally, just to prove all men aren’t stupid :day_dreaming:

That’s it guys. You know what to do now don’t you? That’s right, leave a comment and promote the hell out of it. :smoke_tb:

 

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About Peter Pelliccia"