Yep, it’s taken awhile but Friday is finally here and you know what that means don’t you? No, you silly person, although the weekend is just around the corner, nope, it’s Friday Funnies time.
Today’s Friday Funnies is all about anger management and how one particular bloke turned it to his advantage.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’ I politely said, ‘This is Chris.Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f***ing number!’And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her,I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same bloke answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an arsehole!’
And hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘arsehole’ next to it, And put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an arsehole!’ It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘arsehole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, ‘Giday, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’ He yelled ‘NO!’ And slammed down the phone.I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an arsehole!’And hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some bloke in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.I noticed a ‘For Sale ‘ sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’ He said, ‘Yes, it is.’ I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’ He said, ‘Yes, I live at 34 Gumtree Blvd. , in Strathfield It’s a yellow outback style house And the car’s parked right out in front.’ I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Peter Costello.’ I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Peter?’ He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’ I said, ‘Listen, Peter, can I tell you something?’ He said, ‘Yes?’ I said, ‘Peter, you’re an arsehole!’ Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea…I called arsehole #1. He said, ‘Hello’ I said, ‘You’re an arsehole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.) He asked, ‘Are you still there?’ I said, ‘Yeah!’ He screamed, ‘Stop calling me’ I said, ‘Make me.’ He asked, ‘Who are you?’ I said, ‘My name is Peter Costello.’ He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’ I said, ‘Arsehole, I live at 34 Gumtree Blvd. , in Strathfield, a yellow outback style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’ He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Peter. And you had better start saying your prayers.’ I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, arsehole,’ and hung up.
Then I called Arsehole #2. He said, ‘Hello?’ I said, ‘Hello, arsehole,’ He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’ I said, ‘You’ll what?’ He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your arse’ I answered, ‘Well, arsehole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’ Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Gumtree Blvd , in Strathfield , to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Gumtree Blvd in Strathfield ..
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Strathfield . I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better.
You see, anger management really does work.
And now for this weeks video. It’s a fairly long video but you’re going to love it. I especially loved the old guy who’s trying to pick up all these beautiful young shielas
I’ve been playing the stock market game for many years and along the way I have made thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, I have also lost thousands of dollars. Truth be told I am still thousands in the red, but, I am clawing my way back and I plan to be back in the black sometime soon. I would be there a lot sooner if it wasn’t for the latest Greek economic travesty which will be making that a longer journey than I had hoped.
If you’re an experienced share broker then this post will be of no value to you. If on the other hand you’re a newbie who wants to learn the stock market as another way to earn income then you will find some value in what follows. As in all businesses, and mark my words, investing in shares is a business and not a hobby, you will want to ensure that with every transaction you have one goal in mind and that is to turn a profit. This means that you need to ask yourself whether your investment, trade or software will make or lose you money before taking action.
What this post does not claim to do is to give you all the ins and outs of share trading or trading the current stock market. You would need a book or two to do that, but I will be linking to a few very good ones as resources from within the post. It is meant to be stock market for beginners and what it will do, is to highlight some of the mistakes I’ve made while stock market investing. Let me tell you, not repeating the same mistakes that I and countless of others have made while trying to learn how the stock market works can potentially save you literally thousands of dollars. Heck, there may be some tips that will probably help you to make some dollars as well.
Everybody needs something to look forward to because if you didn’t have something to look forward to life would be a whole lot drearier. Having something to look forward to makes the day, or even week go faster. Imagine if there wasn’t a weekend, work would be such a chore. Everybody needs to look forward to something, even if it’s just the end of the working day.
This is one of the reasons I came up with Friday’s Funnies and writing the next Friday’s funnies post is something that I look forward to, partly because I love reading the many jokes I get but mainly because I love the feedback from you, my readers. So, without further ado I give Friday Funny’s #15.
The Blonde Mortician
A man who’d just died was delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly…
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
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