I know how you guys have been waiting all week for this weeks Friday’s Funnies, and I believe you’re really going to love this weeks funnies, but before I get into it I just wanted to say something. You see, I’ve been getting all these emails about this particular post from people wanting to know how it was all working out. Well, just in case you’ve been wondering but were too shy to ask I want everybody to know that there will be an update and if you really don’t want to miss out then you really should join my list :wink_ee:

OK, now that’s over and done with let’s get to this weeks Friday Funnies shall we? I’ve always found children to be the most innocent and funniest creatures on this planet of hours and most of the time it’s the innocence of their actions that we as adults find to be so funny. The following joke is about a young boy and his love for Thomas the Tank Engine.

Thomas The Tank Engine

Thomas the Tank Engine Makeover by Banksy

Thomas the Tank Engine Makeover by Banksy (Photo credit: dullhunk)

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son
playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, ‘All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, ‘cos we’re in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get on now, ‘cos we’re going down the tracks’.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, ‘We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.’

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, ‘All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.’

She hears the little boy continue, ‘For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.’

As the mother began to smile, the child added……….

‘For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

Kids, man you gotta just love them.  :laugh_tb:

And now for this weeks video. It took me a while to find this one but it was well worth the effort. It’s one of those hidden video gags and it’s hilarious to see the reactions of all those victims.

The World’s Most Funny Video Ever

OK, that’s not me saying that but the person you posted the video on YouTube, and while it may not be the worlds most funniest video ever it sure as hell is funny.

And that’s it for another week. I sure hope you enjoyed this weeks Fridays Funnies and hope it kick starts a great weekend for you.

 

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How To Make The Best Use Of Google

I don’t think anyone would argue about how important Google is to most people, whether they’re an advertiser, blogger or the multitude of users who rely on the accuracy of Google’s search engines. As far as bloggers or web masters are concerned there’s basically only two of Googles services we’re interested in and strangely enough they are interrelated. As you’ve probably guessed I’m talking about traffic and the income generated from their Adsense account. Even if you don’t use Adsense on you’re site I’m sure you’re very dependant on the traffic Google sends you, otherwise you wouldn’t be spending so much time with SEO, now would you?  :smoke_tb:

Which brings me to what this post is all about, how not to piss Google off because doing so can hurt you, like it did me some time ago when Google stripped my PR4 blogs of all their ranking, which just happened to inspire me to write this poem about Google :devil_tb: . Anyway, as most of you know I’ve been blogging for several years and in that time I’ve come to learn a bit about Google and what the big boy wants from us and I’m about to share that with you.

Google, Seo And Keywords

Image via CrunchBase

I have to admit I never used to bother too much about keywords because it was all to hard and it ruined the whole blogging experience. That was before I bought Market Samurai which now does all the hard work for me. I’m sure most of you know a lot about keywords and how they relate to SEO but I’m not sure that you’re actually doing it the right way. Sure it may have been the right way once but what with all those changing algorithms it’s not a big stretch of the imagination to realize things have probably changed.

By some of the emails I’ve been receiving I reckon others have come to realize that Google is a pretty smart cookie. Luckily I haven’t been making the same mistakes as some of my readers, especially those taking advantage of CommentLuv Premium’s Keyword Luv facility. Even though no-one can possible know how Google really thinks, sorry to all those SEO guru guys out there  :tongue_laugh_ee: it’s not too hard to make a few assumptions.

  • Assumption #1: Google’s not dumb enough not to realize that there’s something fishy about too many links pointing to one particular site appearing in a short time span. If this is an accurate assumption to make then the logical solution is to not go crazy on creating too many backlinks all at the same time.
  • Assumtion #2: Knowing that Google wants to deliver a search engine to it’s users that is both accurate and reliable it’s not unreasonable to assume that Google is more interested in natural links than those created by SEO minded bloggers and web masters which is why Google introduced it’s Panda and Penquin updates and who knows what other animalized future updates it has in mind.The common mistake that I’ve seen a lot of commentators, on this and other blogs, doing is using the same keywords over and over again. I reckon it’s pretty safe to say that noticing all these sites using the exact same keywords would set alarm bells ringing when the GoogleBots come to spider those sites.  :thumbs_down: I mean honestly, do you really think that everybody linking to a particular site would use the exact keywords?  :hey_you:

How I’m Utilising The 2 Assumptions

In promoting my post on how not to lose money in the stock market I’m ensuring that I take the above two assumptions into consideration. This is because that particular post is using one of the WordPress plugins that  I spoke of in my post about Turning Your Blog Into A Cash Machine.

I know it’s going to take more time if I’m going to do things properly but I’m fine about that because that post will only produce an income if I get targeted traffic and that won’t happen if I rush things. This means not using my other blogs to link to that post all at once as I would normally do. Instead I am spacing those posts apart so as to look more natural to the GoogleBots.

The same applies to my commenting regime. Rather than hitting a huge amount of blogs on a daily basis I’m scaling back a lot which allows me to spend more time on some of those comments allowing for better comments which has the added advantage of building my reputations as a good commentator.

Also when commenting on those blogs that use KeyWord Luv or CommentLuv Premium, I make sure that I don’t always use the same keywords, taking note of assumption #2. Having said that I am making sure that although I am using different keywords they are still all related to the topic in question, saving money by not making mistakes on the stock market. I’m hoping that building these types of backlinks will appear more natural resulting in a better SEO result leading to a more targeted traffic resulting in more money in my pocket.  :drunk_tb:

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Yep, it’s taken awhile but Friday is finally here and you know what that means don’t you? No, you silly person, although the weekend is just around the corner, nope, it’s Friday Funnies time.  :clap_tb:

Today’s Friday Funnies is all about anger management and how one particular bloke turned it to his advantage.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’ I politely said, ‘This is Chris.Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f***ing number!’And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her,I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same bloke answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an arsehole!’
And hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘arsehole’ next to it, And put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an arsehole!’ It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘arsehole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, ‘Giday, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’ He yelled ‘NO!’ And slammed down the phone.I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an arsehole!’And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some bloke in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.I noticed a ‘For Sale ‘ sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’ He said, ‘Yes, it is.’ I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’  He said, ‘Yes, I live at 34 Gumtree Blvd. , in Strathfield It’s a yellow outback style house And the car’s parked right out in front.’  I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Peter Costello.’ I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Peter?’  He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’  I said, ‘Listen, Peter, can I tell you something?’  He said, ‘Yes?’  I said,  ‘Peter, you’re an arsehole!’  Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea…I called arsehole #1. He said, ‘Hello’ I said, ‘You’re an arsehole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.) He asked, ‘Are you still there?’  I said, ‘Yeah!’  He screamed, ‘Stop calling me’  I said, ‘Make me.’ He asked, ‘Who are you?’  I said, ‘My name is Peter Costello.’ He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’ I said, ‘Arsehole, I live at 34 Gumtree Blvd. , in  Strathfield, a yellow outback style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’ He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Peter. And you had better start saying your prayers.’ I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, arsehole,’ and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2. He said,  ‘Hello?’ I said, ‘Hello, arsehole,’ He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’ I said, ‘You’ll what?’ He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your arse’ I answered, ‘Well, arsehole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’ Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Gumtree Blvd , in Strathfield , to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Gumtree Blvd in Strathfield ..

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Strathfield . I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better.

You see, anger management really does work.  :laugh_tb:

And now for this weeks video. It’s a fairly long video but you’re going to love it. I especially loved the old guy who’s trying to pick up all these beautiful young shielas  :devil_tb:

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About Peter Pelliccia"