Senior Humour Friday Funnies #345

Todays Friday Funnies is about senior humour. I've written a lot of seniors jokes, and they always go down well. One of my favourite bit of senior humour would have to be Senior Jokes Friday Funnies #128. Todays senior humour take place in a courtroom after a senior was caught stealing a can of peaches. Senior Humour The Shoplifter A cranky old woman in her so-called "senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.  This old duck gave everyone a hard time, including the store manager, the security guard and the arresting officer who took her away.  She didn't stop complaining, the whole she was in custody and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she finally appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The senior citizen defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches, you old fool." The judge then asked why she had done it. "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store," she huffed. The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?" The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach." As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak. The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"…

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Pommie Humour

In honour of my latest video, Diary Of A Pommie In Western Australia, I'm dedicating this Friday Funnies post to Pommie Humour. I first wrote about this particular Pommie Humour back in 2012! That post was called Living in Australia and Buying Your first Condom. It was actually the second post in the Friday Funnies series. Funny Pommie Humour This first bit of Pommie Humour isn't accurate at all when depicting a Aussie dunny, but its still funny. This takes place in the north of Australia i a place called Queensland which is very hot, humid and the pubs are rough.  This posh pommie bloke travelling through Queensland in the middle of summer by bicycle is caught in a huge tropical storm. He sees a sign which says there is a pub 18 miles up the road. So he rides his bike to the pub and when he finally gets there his appearance resembles that of a drowned rat.  As he walks in the locals hardly even look up from their beers. Even though he's dripping wet. He heads up to the bar and orders a scotch on ice. The barman gives him the worst scotch he's ever tasted but the pommie drinks it down and asks the barman where the dunny (toilet) is. The barman tells him it is outside.  So the pommie trudges outside into the rain and all he can see in the rain is two big piles of turds, one much bigger than the other. So the pommie…

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Funny Sayings Friday Funnies #343

Do you like funny sayings? I love funny sayings. There are some who may refer to funny sayings as being related to proverbs. I'm not so sure as former are intended to either educate or give advice in some way. While the hilarous sayings you will find in this post may contain some helpful information, their sole purpose is to make you laugh. Funny Sayings In An Unfair World When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).  My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.  Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you..  Wife to husband: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy. Husband to wife:  I didn't expect to live this long!  As I grow older.... My mind doesn't just wander... Sometimes it buggers off completely.  As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.  Isn't it weird that in Australia our flag and culture can offend so many people, yet our benefits don’t? Of course, I have a talent. I'm exceptional in bed. There are times when I sleep more than 9 hours in one go. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. We're all born free and then we're taxed to death If you're not supposed to eat…

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