Click here to go to Win A Day Casino Mobile!

Heaven Jokes Friday Funnies #334

Today’s Friday Funnies focuses on heaven jokes. The first of my heaven jokes came to me in an email.

Heaven Jokes Two Women Meet In Heaven

Two women, Wanda and Sylvia,  bumped into each other on the way to heaven.
“Hi! Wanda.”

“Hi! Sylvia.  How’d you die?””I froze to death,” said Sylvia.

“How horrible,” replied Wanda.

“It wasn’t so bad,” said Sylvia. “After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and I finally died a peaceful death. What about you?”

“I had a massive heart attack. I was sure my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.   But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

Shit,” said Sylvia. “So, what happened?”

“I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking for the bitch. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over dead from a massive heart attack.”

“That’s too bad,” replied Sylvia. “If you’d only looked in the freezer we’d both still be alive.”
heaven jokes
The second of my heaven jokes came from this post.

Heavenly Jokes #2

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash.

They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health, food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they “oohed and aahed” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.” Next, they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, “what are the green fees?” Peter’s reply, “This is heaven, you play for free.”

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. “How much to eat?” asked the old man. “Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!” Peter replied with some exasperation. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part, you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat, and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018
Previous Post

Disgruntled Wife Jokes Friday Funnies #333

I reckon there are a lot of disgruntle wives out there which one of which prompted ... Read more

Next Post

Siamese Twin Jokes Friday Funnies #335

These Siamese Twin jokes is a first for my Friday Funnies. What inspired me to ... Read more

Please follow and like:
Follow Me

Peter Pelliccia

I'm an Aussie blogger who loves to blog and share everything that I've learned on my blogging journey, including blogging tips and ways to blog for money. I am also trying to make my way on YouTube. You can follow my progress by subscribing to My Bonzer Channel.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Twitter:
    Hahahaha… Jeez! I think I just cracked my ribs. Ouch! That was funny. Sylvia was the woman Wanda was searching for, but Wanda did not know Sylvia was been preserved in the fridge. Wanda’s husband was not just a player, but a very funny dude. Nice one.

Comments are closed.