I’ve called this post Funny Things Kids Say because they funniest things just pops out of their mouths. Half the time it’s so damn innocent. I reckon that’s what makes it so damn funny.
Apparently, this first one is a true story and just goes to prove how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. These guys think so logically.
Funny Things Kids Say About The Three Little Pigs
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly… ‘I think the man would have said – ‘Well, F#ck me!! A talking pig!’
The teacher had to leave the room.
The Readers Digest has a whole heap of funny things kids say and my favourite one is:
Daughter: “Mum, why’s your tummy big?”
Mum: “That’s because I’m expecting a baby.”
Daughter: “Where’s the baby?”
Mum: “Inside my tummy!”
Daughter: (Looking shocked) “OMG you ate the baby?”
If you want to see some really recent funny things that kids say just search Twitter for #shitmykidssay Here’s a couple that I found really funny.
Or, how about this next one?
You can even find proof of funny things kids say on Instagram. I found this one pretty funny.
Then not so long ago I got an email titled…
The New Generation (Funny Things Kids Say)
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..’
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the
phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. ‘Mommy
can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now, she’s hitting the bottle.
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s
the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little
boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old
son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should
be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole
and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto
the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’
she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through
the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object
and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s