Friday Funnies # 28 Understanding Men

Welcome to the latest Friday Funnies guys. Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face and starts you off on a great weekend. As my last Friday Funnies post was pretty well all about blondes I thought I would make this one all abut men. Besides, it seems that lately I’ve been concentrating too much on the ladies and most of those times I’ve been getting into trouble, usually because I’ve said the wrong thing or something.

You know guys, we always seem to think that the reason we don’t get women is because they’re a real mystery to us. Could it be that women want it that way? Think about it! If they really wanted us to know what how they tick they would have produced a bloody manual by now wouldn’t they. :tongue_laugh_ee: Anyway, just so the gals can’t say the same thing about us I’m going to put this out there for everyone to see.

Understanding Men Men Need Rules

Yep, that’s all there is to us ladies. We need rules, and just you know what they are I’m going to lay them all out for you.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. :tongue_laugh_ee:

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –

to give them a bigger laugh.

There you have it ladies, as long as you abide by those rules we’re going to get along just fine. And of course you know the best way to pass it onto your mates is by using one of the social sharing icons floating on the right there. :thumbup_ee:

Now, how many of you play peek a boo with your baby? Don’t ever, ever let them find out you’ve never left the room.

peek a boo baby

And finally, just to prove all men aren’t stupid :day_dreaming:

That’s it guys. You know what to do now don’t you? That’s right, leave a comment and promote the hell out of it. :smoke_tb:


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This Post Has 87 Comments

  1. I don’t know what to say to that. Why are they all numbered 1? Is that all the higher men can count?

    Here’s one for you, Sire:

      1. OH! Thanks for explaining, Mitch – it’s because men can’t prioritize! I see.

        1. Now, now play nice you guys, or I’m going to have to ask the guy in the video for some gloves :innocent1_tb:

          Hey Holly sure we can prioritise, just that in this case every point has the same priority. :laugh_tb:

          1. Gee, I wish I said that :doh_tb:

          2. Now that much is true. It’s clear that MITCH, at least, gets it.

            Or, put another way, if a man speaks in the forest, and there’s no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? :)

            1. Holly, it doesn’t matter if there is a woman around to hear him or not, we’re never wrong. :tongue_laugh_ee:

        2. Hi Holly,its not like men cannot prioritize,its about letting women know what actually men meant when you interpret them wrong.This post is much more than it looks like.hats off to you PETER :)
          Just read this comment again,its reflecting the exact thing about what you are interpreting and what it actually meant.

          ” If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one “.

          And what can i say about the video Ha Ha Ha Ha…….:) :D just can’t stop my laugh.What a Boxer he is Ha Ha ha :)

          1. Yep, that’s me, always sticking up for men’s rights :drunk_tb:

            Glad you liked it enough to Google+ it too, that’s what I call passing the love :thumbup_ee:

          2. Oh, Aditya, nice try, but what you don’t seem to realize is that this isn’t about what men want or what women want – it’s just a battle of the oldest, most gender-stereotypical jokes on the planet. I’m pretty sure this whole list is older than you, and it cuts both ways. :)

        3. Twitter:
          It’s too bad there isn’t a like button here like on Facebook. I’d have had to hit that button now. I gotta agree with Holly on this one. lol

    1. Do man actually boxing or getting in and out of the ring :innocent1_tb:

      1. I guess he can’t even get in the ring properly….how can he fight ??Is he really a boxer or here to make everyone laugh :)

  2. I can say that man is a simple in nature, they do not want complicate things! this post only emphasis more character of a MAN WOMAN SHOULD UNDERSTAND

    1. That is so true, we do not want to complicate things. Sort of makes you wonder why we keep getting entangled with women doesn’t it :ponder_tb:

      1. Oh, please. What’s so complicated about “Do it my way, dear”? If you men could just grasp that one, simple, straightforward concept…

        1. But saying do it my way isn’t enough if you don’t explain what exactly your way is. :hairout_tb:

          1. You’re right (OMG, I just said that!)

            It’s our fault for assuming you men are smart enough to KNOW what the right way to do a thing is – OUR WAY. Gah. We just hate insulting your intelligence by spelling it out. But okay…next time. Point taken.

            1. And I am man enough to agree with you because I know what will happen if I don’t :wallbash_tb:

  3. LOL – Been a long time since I’ve visited the Friday funnies. About time. Thanks for another great laugh in the office.

    1. Anton, you can always subscribe to my list. That way you will always get a reminder when I do a post.

  4. :)) I laughed with tears! I think the best one is this one: “Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.” I don’t know why women don’t trust our orientation skills.

    1. Yeah, they should know better :clap:

    2. We trust your orientation skills – if you’re packin’ GPS that’s not attached to your cell phone. (Or if you have earned the Boy Scout Orienteering Merit Badge and happen to be carrying a compass.) I enjoy getting lost with the best of ’em, but only with someone honest enough to admit he’s LOST. ;)

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

      You too, Sire – thank you. :)

      1. I have to admit Holly that on my last holiday interstate I took a GPS with me and it did help to make it a stress free holiday. Having said that, as long as I had a street directory with me I feel I can safely say I’ve never lost my way. Take it away and that is another thing entirely but then that would be the same for everyone, man or woman.

        As to visiting your blog, how could I not :homage:

        1. I can honestly say that my mother had a compass in her brain, somehow – you could put her in a dark, windowless room, and spin her around, and she could tell you which direction she was facing.

          Me, I have to ask for directions. I’ve seen guys hopelessly lost, but unwilling to ADMIT it – that’s what’s crazy. Not that they GET lost like the rest of us. I’m really bad – I can only follow a map if it’s facing the same direction I’m facing. ;) And I hate directions like “Go three miles west, turn right, drive 640 feet, bear left…” I need landmarks. “When you see the pink skateboard lying in the front yard, turn at the yellow mailbox. Go through three stop signs and turn at the house with blue shutters…”

          1. What can I say, some guys are just too full of pride to admit they’re wrong, which makes them pretty dumb to boot.

            As for your mum, she could make some money at parties with that ability.

          2. Well, Holly, I’m proud to say I always admit when I’m wrong. Fortunately, my orientation skills haven’t disappointed me yet :D

  5. Twitter:
    How do you manage to see 16 colors? I think my husband only sees 11 – Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, Pink, Black, White, Gray, and Brown. I’m interested in knowing the other 6 so that I can tell him what they are. ;)

    BTW – loved the video!

    1. Most men I know only admit to three: red, green, and blue. Sorry, no, the guys I know are highly-evolved – they see: cyan, magenta, yellow, and black. They vaguely recognize the colors in a box of eight crayons, but the 96-pack baffles them. I keep explaining, “Burnt Sienna looks like sh**.” They keep asking, “Then why would anyone want THAT in a box of crayons?”

      1. Twitter:
        Holly, I can’t blame them when they question burnt sienna. lol

        My husband cannot grasp the whole idea of periwinkle (my favorite color). It confuses him since he can’t decide whether to call it blue or purple, and he knows it can’t possibly have another name. :)

    2. Hey Allie, I reckon the guy must have been pissed when he wrote this and was seeing double or something :jittery_tb:

  6. This is gold! I literally lost my breath reading this, what with all the laughing. I particularly love this rule – “Crying is blackmail.”

    1. Yep, and they use it so well. There’s just no arguing with a woman who is in tears :naughty:

  7. “All men can see in sixteen colors just like Windows default settings”. That got me laughing.LOL!

    1. Is that because you know it to be true Emma?

  8. Holly Wrote:
    >Why are they all numbered 1? Is that all the higher men can count?

    Perhaps it’s because Sire figured 1 is the highest the women reading could count.

    Of course that is not what I think :innocent1_tb:
    Ned Carey recently posted…Are Mortgage Accelerators A ScamMy Profile

    1. Thanks heaps Ned, that’s all I need, for you to dig me deeper into the mire :laugh_tb:

    2. We women number everything to F – contrary to popular belief, it’s not so we can rub failure in your noses, it’s so we can put a hex on you men.

  9. Ok, I thought I would debate each one; but then men… they number everything the same and make it confusing and then say life is woman complicate life by having the discussion over the toilet seat.True, men don’t complain about the toilet seat; because they don’t notice. Crying is blackmail; because men don’t understand it the first time; we need to resort to tears. Obviously you men don’t need directions. You are always lost and you think you’re never wrong. No wonder it take millions of sperms to fertilize an egg… they don’t bother for directions! There is nothing as too much shoes. Just like for you, there is nothing as directions. Same rule applies!

    1. Actually, most men do notice the toilet seat because otherwise they wouldn’t lift it up in the first place.

      As to the sperm, perhaps its just because most of them don’t want to get their creator, the man, in the poo and so they avoid the egg on purpose. The ones that fertilize it are the ones looking for trouble :innocent1_tb:

    2. Well said, Hajra! The toilet seat isn’t even a debate – you know, we women are not the ones with crappy aim. They have to sit, sometimes, too – so they’re as motivated as we are, for most of the same reasons, to put it up and down properly. Sheesh!!

      Men wouldn’t have to worry about the whole crying thing if they didn’t make us cry. Got that, guys? Don’t make us cry. Don’t blame US if you do!

      ROFL on the sperm and egg – if they’d just ask for directions, it’d only take one!

      Sorry – hate to be a traitor to my sex, but the only reason I see for shoes is to keep from cutting my foot on broken beer bottles and nails the guys leave lying around. I’d rather go barefoot! But I CAN’T, because why? The guys, of course, and their broken beer bottles and nails!

  10. Those Man Rules are great, Sire; gotta send this link to all the women I know.

    1. Does that include the wife Allan?

      1. Gonna have to think on that — our sofa is not all that comfortable for sleeping. :-( Great for movie watching though!

        1. In that case show her when there is a movie marathon on :welcome:

    2. What is it about men that they love to live so dangerously? Testing the ol’ “how to run faster than a saber-toothed tiger” workout?

  11. Now, if we only could make this article reach the feminists…. =)

    1. Well I did my bit. Now it’s up to everyone else to do theirs, like sharing it with the social network sites.

  12. The point that says “All arguments are void after seven days” is so funny and useful . lol.

    The video at the end if also funny as hell. Thank for the post.

    1. Yeah, especially if you are a lawyer :laugh_tb:

    1. Good one Zane. I agree with those points as well, and the video was a killer. :thumbup_ee:

  13. I guess that boxer got hit in the head one too many times. I\’m pretty sure mauve was an old comic book villain.

    1. Maybe she/he wore a mauve costume. :tongue_laugh_ee:

  14. Do not really know but this should probably be irony, but for me it’s real facts.

    1. I’m sure most me would agree with you. If they’re outspoken about it I reckon they may not have too many women hanging on their every word. :wink_ee:

  15. HAHAHA THIS IS SERIOUSLY FUNNY. Even though I’m a girl and am guilty for playing games sometimes with my boyfriend. I make him guess and act like a psychic a lot. It was nice looking at what he’s really thinking about from another perspective. Although, I doubt I’ll ever stop being fickle and stupid sometimes. What are relationships for anyway. Here Justin if you read this, I love you babe!
    Jenna recently posted…Woodworking Courses – The Complete ReviewMy Profile

    1. Hey Jenna, good to see one of the girls admitting to playing psychic mind games with us guys :innocent1_tb:

  16. Oh yeah, my wife just got sent the link to this post!

    1. Hey Jason, sharing with the wife is cool, but how about tweeting it to all your mates :thumbup_ee:

  17. You know, Sire, I learned MORE about ‘mind readers’ and ‘subtle hints’ after I got married – it’s not intentional. (My husband thanks you because your post does him justice) I guess that’s why God created men and women to think differently – to spice up our lives, lol!

    1. Hey Ching Ya, is that because you had to or did it just happen?

      Nice of you to show your husband too :thumbup_ee:

  18. Thanks for the laughs! I had once overheard a woman saying men were complicated. It made me wonder how they view us…

    1. Anytime Robert.

  19. It is a really funny blog. These are really funny examples. I think I have committed more than two of the sins. I would like to defend my actions. I actually don’t know when we girls can talk to our guys as almost everyday some or the other intriguing game is going so when can we talk. It is not fair on your part to say bad about women without getting to know their side of the story

    1. Who said anything bad about women? :ponder:

  20. I loved your post. I made my wife read she was really fuming saying that you don’t understand women and that you are wrong, but in reality what you wrote is the truth. I cant even count the innumerable time my wife disturbed me for something very trivial while I watching a very interesting match or the time she asked me the question \’Am I looking fat\’ and believe me there is no right answer for that question.

    1. No need for her to be angry unless she felt intimidated by what she read. Anyway, the whole thing is supposed to be a fun post and wasn’t supposed to antagonise anyone.Then again, sometimes it doesn’t matter what we do it rubs them the wrong way :wink_ee:

  21. Ha-ha! Seriously its a funny blog post but what is even more funny is that it is true. I can bet that all of us guys have all or at least some of have faced the situations that you have mentioned. We guys have such less expectation and still the ladies don’t understand them. All we want is not be bothered by unnecessary issues which have no meaning and certainly not during the match.

    1. Yep, but women love to tease us and so even if they knew the rules they would ignore them just so as to give us a hard time. :wink_ee:

  22. I really love my wife but what you said is true. Sometimes I feel women are born on earth just to test our patience. They can never be wrong and once in a while if you manage to prove them wrong they will use their ultimate weapon, tears. I know they love fighting and it is always the innocent men who suffer. Anyways I did a very smart thing right when I married I brought the most comfiest couch for myself. So now I don’t have any trouble even we have a fight.

    1. Now that was smart :lol_ee:

  23. Women!! You cant live them neither can you live without them. Seriously with the amount of money my wife spend on shoes and clothes I think I could feed a whole African village for a month. However she still feels she doesn’t have enough clothes. I really don’t know how beige different form cream they all look the same to me.

    1. Some women never do Jack.

  24. It is one of the jokes that I have ever heard in my life. I really don’t know when women will understand or at least try to understand us. My wife has a problem with guys night out saying I spend so much time with my friends but what she fails to see or ignores is that I meet my friends once in the whole week but her friends keep dropping at our house for a friendly chat throughout the week and along with that they keep in touch constantly through phones, we guys are not like that. So I really don’t know how they can still crib about we not giving them enough time.

  25. When compared to all your other Friday Funnies, this one takes the crown. It is one of the funniest joke that i have across in my life and I must also add it is also the most realistic one. Ladies don’t understand what a guy wants, not that the list is too hard or long it is just that they aren’t bothered about it. But when they really figure that out, that’s when guys will do anything that they want for them.

    1. And even if they do they’ll keep it to themselves Peter

  26. I’m back again every time I need a laugh I just go to one of your Friday funnies. That boxer in the video has been hit in the head to many times I think. If he can’t even get in and out of the ring without making a complete idiot of himself.

    Hilarious thanks lee

  27. I don’t know when the ladies will try to understand us guys. We are so simple and easy to understand, not like them who are so complicated. If we say yes we normally mean yes but for them even a simple yes has a million interpretation which we cant even imagine to decipher. I don’t think even they have a clue about what they want, so how can we.

    1. So true Jeo and there’s always hell to pay when we get it wrong :wink:

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