Have you ever thought how much one day is pretty much like another? You get up, go to work, go home watch a bit of TV then you go to sleep and when you wake up it starts all over again. You know the old saying, ‘same shit, different day’? Well that’s why I love Fridays, because on Friday I get to give you something different. Yep, you can rest assured that on each and every Friday you get can drop into my latest Friday Funnies post and be presented with a new and funny situation, whether it’s a video, joke or a funny image. Heck,sometimes you may get all three! You just never know with Friday Funnies Day!
Today I’m going to introduce you to little Ralphy. To tell you the honest truth I reckon he’s really little Johnny in disguise.
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, ‘If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?’ She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, ‘None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.’
The teacher replies, ‘The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..’
Then little RALPHY says, ‘I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?’
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.’
To which Little RALPHY replied, ‘The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking.’
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
‘Why?’ asks the father?
‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,” I said ‘6’, replies RALPHY.
‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.
‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?”
‘What’s the fucking difference?’ asks the father.
‘That’s what I said!’
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’
RALPHY says ‘Mas-tur-bate..’
Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful.’
Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’
‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
‘My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.’
She said, ‘Excellent, Michael!’ Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
‘Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!”
In las weeks Friday Funnies I introduced you to Paddy and so I thought it only fair I should include a little bit of Paddy in this weeks post.
Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,
“I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend”.
The florist looked at him and said, “Certainly Sir, what is it you’re after?”
“A root “, Paddy replies.
Which just goes to show you the Irish, just like any other man on this planet, are only interested in one thing.
Before we get to the video I’m going to introduce you to Aunty Acid!
And now for the video, an pretty funny Aussie beer commercial.
The Carlton Draught Flash Dance