Divorce Jokes Friday Funnies #331

I know I’ve called this post, divorce jokes but the first of my divorce jokes is more of a funny divorce story.

Curtain Rod Divorce Jokes

You will love this one. It is A STORY TO REMEMBER.divorce jokes

On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light. He put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring water and 3 cans of sardines.

When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first, all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end, they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer and decided they had to move, but a month later, even though they’d cut their price in half, they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a considerable sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place

Then the ex-called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell was she agreed on a price that was only a tenth of what the house was worth. But he would have to sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyer delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend were smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. Also, to despite her ex, she even took the curtain rods!

You just have to love a happy ending, right?

The next of the divorce jokes is about an up and coming divorcee who comes up with a smartarse excuse for the judge.

Divorce Jokes Placating The Judge

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leapt to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, ‘Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?’

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos.

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Peter Pelliccia

I'm an Aussie blogger who loves to blog and share everything that I've learned on my blogging journey, including blogging tips and ways to blog for money. I am also trying to make my way on YouTube. You can follow my progress by subscribing to My Bonzer Channel.