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Just For Fun Archives

Sony’s Latest Piece Of Electronic Shit Takes America By Storm

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at 10:59 pm

Comments (20)

This is bloody unbelievable! Man, I have heard of some crazy shit in my life but I have never heard of a company that went out of their way to produce a piece of electronic equipment that is intentionally so damn difficult to use that it has captured the attention of electronic trend seekers all across the States. Marketed as Sony’s latest new piece of shit that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do, Sony is targeting all those tech savvy types that hope to work out how the stupid piece of shit actually works. This is planned to be bigger than the Rubik’s Cube, the 3D mechanical puzzle that took the world by storm.

It appears that most of those screaming for ‘that stupid piece of shit’ are PR crazy bloggers that want to be the first to crack the obnoxious electronic equipment so that they can be the first to post about it. It seems that Sony is going all out marketing this gizmo holding nothing back at all including the language used, so if you are offended by four letter words, I recommend you do not watch this latest news review on Sony’s Stupid Piece Of Shit. Don’t play if the F word offends you.

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work
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Radio 2FU, Sire And The John Chow Confrontation

Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 7:10 am

Comments (24)

G’day listeners, welcome to Radio 2FU, this is Bazza and I’m exited to say that we have a great line up for you today, everything from the hottest penile extension on the market to Women & The All About Me Syndrome, but first I want to welcome Sire to the Studio.

G’day Sire, hows it going?

Not too shabby Bazza, how’s it going listeners, thanks for having me on the show.

No worries at all Sire, I’ve been trying to get you on here for yonks. For those of you who aren’t with the times, Sire is one of Adelaides celebrated bloggers. Tell me Sire, I heard you had a bit of a run in with that Yank John Chow.

Actually Bazza, the blokes a Canadian.

Stone the flamin’ crows, I could have sworn he was a damn Yank.

She’s apples Bazza I thought the very same thing. Anyways, I was taking a gander at Johnno’s blog when I came across his post on The Number One Reason I Don’t Live On Cash. It seems that the post got on this other blokes goat and so he did his own post saying that Johnno couldn’t organize a root in a brothel.

Cripes, I reckon that would have gone down real well with Chow.

Too right Bazza, I reckon he musta gone flat out like a lizard drinking because before I could open a tinny he had a rebuttal up.

So, tell me Sire, how did you get involved in all this muck.

Shit Bazza, you know me mate, if there’s a barney happening then I just have to get in the thick of it. Anyways, I tell Johnno how he was full of shit when he said that “people with credit cards have higher income than people who don’t”. I knew that couldn’t be true because I know a lot of yobbos who don’t have a brass razzoo and yet they carry around a bit of plastic with them.

Must be something to do with being Canadian.

Bang on, so that stuff we see on South Park must be true then. Nah, not Johnno, he’s as cunning as a shithouse rat. Anyhow mate, after we chewed the fat for a bit longer I went over to Tim’s blog to see what was happenin at his neck of the woods.

Hang on a sec Sire, we gotta go to a commercial break.

Welcome back listeners, this is Bazza at Radio2F U and we are talking to Sire, blogger extraordinaire. So Sire, tell is what happened next.

Well, it seems that Tim was baggin Johnno because he didn’t agree with him about how some people could actually make money with a credit card. So I tells him how he’s wrong because I’m also one of the cluey ones that makes the credit card work for them. Bugger me dead if he didn’t say I was wrong.

Fair Dinkum?

Bloody oath mate, and there’s me being bloody nice and all. Then he goes and lists all these points to prove me wrong, but I was having none of it so I let him have it with a comment that made his look as if some dingbat wrote it.

What did he have to say about that?

Not a damn thing, in fact he actually deleted my comment. I reckon he didn’t like the fact that I shot all his points down.

Maybe it went into moderation.

Nah, I saw it in black and white…..still I reckon if it suddenly appears again I will have to suck it up and do a public apology.

You Sire?

Fair go mate, I’m big enough to admit when I am wrong.

So you must have gone berko.

Well, I thought about it, but then I remembered something Todd told me about how, whenever I was aggro, I should sit back and say to myself, What’s Good About This, and it would bring it all into perspective, and it worked, thanks Todd.

So, where exactly is Tim’s blog.

Are you Bananas Bazza, you got Buckley’s chance of me giving him the satisfaction of a link back to his blog. If your listeners really want to see it they can go via Johnno’s rebuttal post.

No worries Sire, thanks for being on the show. We should do it again sometime.

Sure Bazza, next time that I find that I am as busy as a one legged bloke in an arse kicking contest, I will be sure to give you a call.

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Duncan And Norm’s Big Day Out

Saturday, February 7th, 2009 at 12:22 am

Comments (22)

This post is for all my Yankee mates that usually catch me out when they use an expression that only a fellow American would understand. While we Aussies don’t tend to use this much slang in a normal conversation I think it’s a real shame because we are losing a great part of our heritage. So, without further ado I present to you, Duncan and Norm, a couple of true blue Aussies.

This is a yarn about two mates who lived back of Bourke. Though one of them was a Banana Bender, Duncan, and the other an Apple eater, Norm, they were both real ocker sorts, and their relationship was simply ace. They never got aggro with each other and loved a bit of the ol’ Amber fluid.

One arvo they were on the pushbike going twenty for a dozen heading for the local pub. They figured some good tucker was in order as it was way past lunchtime. Duncan ordered a pie floater while Norm has a pastie with a bit of dead horse. While eating they were yapping about some of the things they’ve been up to. Ever since they were ankle biters they’ve been cobbers and loved having a yarn.

Norm: “Duncan, d’ya remember that day down at the milk bar where you bumped into that shiela with the lovely set of knockers?”
Duncan: “Fair suck of the sav cobber that wasn’t my fault!”
Norm: “You copped a beautie, Blimey, I can still see you going arse over tit, and the look on her face when you asked if they were real, no wonder she knocked ya back! Ha ha, she went mad as a cut snake.”
Duncan: “Too bad coz I reckon she would bang like a dunny door in a storm”
Meanwhile Norm drops his guts and the pong would send you back of beyond.
Duncan: “Bugger me dead Norm I reckon you better go off to the bog to leave an offering mate, I reckon you’ve had too many curried bum nuts for brekkie today!”
Norm just laughs and decides to cop it sweet, instead trying to change the subject he says: “Say Duncan didja hear the one about the pommy who goes to Australia with his missus; they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks, “Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?”
The man replies, “My God! Don’t look, it’s disgusting!”
Further down the road the wife says, “Look, another one!” and the husband says,
“Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel.”
They get back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says to the manager,
“Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover rooting a kangaroo. Further on, there’s a man shagging another kangaroo. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about that?”
The manager says, ‘S’truth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?”

Not to be outdone Norm replies with a grin. That’s nothin’ cobber, hows about the Texan farmer who comes Down Under for a holiday. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large. Then they walk around the station a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as big as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

Duncan in a fit of laughter falls off his chair right in front of this bloke and his lady muck missus who just happens to be about as ugly as a box of blowflies. Now this bloke’s built like a brick shit house and tries to down Duncan with a haymaker but Duncan just ducks and then conked the dickhead with one straight in the bread basket. As he doubles over he knees him in the chin and knocks the drongo out cold.

Norm then gets up, tells Duncan that was a job well done and that it was time that they should bugger off. With that they left before any more mishaps could happen. I wonder what they will get up to next time.

So, me Yank mates av a go at that and see how ya go.

For those of you struggling with the language/slang I’ve done a translation of the post to help you out.

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Google The Tyrant A Tale of Old

Friday, February 6th, 2009 at 4:03 am

Comments (27)

When you are an Immortal, time is nowhere near as fleeting as when you thought your days were actually finite. I remember how time used to almost stand still when I was a kid and then as I got older time seemed to simply fly right on by. That was before I knew I was immortal, and now I have learned to live with the knowledge that one day will always follow another, forever and ever. There have been many Immortals that couldn’t accept this fact but the few that remain have learned that acceptance and purpose was the key to living with longevity.

I discovered that my purpose was to help people where possible, to make their days a bit less stressful and perhaps to incite a bit of laughter every now and again. Today was the beginning of the harvest in the town of Hahndorf. I had picked a spot on a hill overlooking the workers to entertain my small group of young villagers, those who were either too young or otherwise incapacitated to help. Four young wards and the busty Illianora who came on the pretense of helping me keep them in line but who I knew really wanted something a lot more sensual from the town bard. Who knows, perhaps tonight after the harvest festivities I will accommodate her.

I waited for them to settle down, Alforone, a lively boy of 9 years who was forever getting into trouble, the last escapade the cause of his broken arm. Mystial his 6 year old sister who continually looks at her big brother with big round proud eyes. Gritalom, who broke his leg because the kangaroo he was teasing decided he had enough and a well aimed kick taught him a bit of respect for this domesticated mammal. Finally we have Jandoram, who at 14 should really be down there helping the rest of the villagers, but I pulled a few strings so that I can keep him away from Kilander his abusive stepfather.

OK, I know some of you want to help with the harvest but as fate has it you will have to listen to a story instead. So, what yarn shall I spin for you this fine morning? Alforone was the quickest on the mark as he yells out, Tell as about the days of the Google Monster! I think you mean the Google Tyrant, the greatest of all mages, but yes I must agree Google was a bit of a monster in a lot of peoples eyes.

It all began in a time long ago, a time when wizards abounded, but in those days they were called bloggers, the greatest of all was known as ProBlogger. Their great power revolved around the Word and the magic that they could weave all depended on the prowess of the individual blogger. The greater the blogger the more they were able to magically alter peoples thoughts. Generally for the good but there were some who only had evil intentions. The thing is that Google saw the great power that they had and he wanted to be a part of what they could do.

There was only one way that Google could influence these bloggers, and that was through their greed. He offered them great riches every time they were able to influence peoples thoughts with a snippet of diabolical code called a script that they placed within people’s minds. Many succumbed to Google but the dreadful Tyrant was not happy until he could get all the bloggers under his power. Who can tell me the name of the minions that Google used to spy on these wizards? Mystial with a squeal of glee yells out, The Googlebots.

Yes indeed Mystial, you have done well tonight remembering those tales of old. The Googlebots, an army of mindless beings, an army that Google himself brought to a semblance of life, whose sole purpose was to spy on all the bloggers and to report back to their master everything that they did or said, especially if any blogger spoke to another blogger without casting the nofollow spell. The most important instruction that was woven into the Googlebots was that they had to be on the look out for any blogger who had the audacity to accept paid links, for Google felt that they were encroaching on his domain, for only Google was able to accept money for links. Any blogger found guilty of this offense received the mighty Google Slap, a slap of such ferocity that it sent out vibrations felt by every blogger around the globe.

It was right then that I was forced to pause as Illianora bent over intentionally reavealing her ample cleavage, and it still amazes me that even after 600 odd years, something so simple could still raise those sexual desires within me. Gritalom used the pause to say, What of your great ancestor, was he afraid of the Google Slap? His question jolted me back to reality and I replied. Of course not, Sire Of Wassup wasn’t afraid of anything, let alone something so insignifacant as the Google Slap. His knowledge of lore was so great that he was able to make use of the powerful robots.txt, a magical potion that kept his great knowledge hidden from the GoogleBots. However, there was a time before he was able to decipher the incantation of the robots.txt when Googles minions told their master of two of his lesser blogs, and Google in his wrath slapped his PR clean off, but Sire Of Wassup Only Laughed! Fortunately, by that time he had incorparated the robots.txt and Google was oblivious to his mirth.

For many years Google grew in power, and the stronger he got the greater his tyranny spread. So great and powerful was Google that he did not notice when other mages appeared, Yahoo and MSN were the first to try an ursurp his power. Google merley laughed and absorbed the weaker getting ever stronger, but there came a time when even the Tyrant succumbed to those he despised for their weakness.

There is a lesson here that you must all learn! Remember that power can corrupt even the best of us, with power comes great responsibility and it is better to treat those under you with respect and by showing them that you value them they will pledge you their undying loyalty.

Sire’s Big Moment A Total Flop

Saturday, January 24th, 2009 at 4:13 am

Comments (23)

As I lie basking under the warming sun, memories of a time long ago,when bloggers wielded a great amount of power, came flooding back to me. It was the year 2015, five years before the holocaust. The place happened to be the historic Adelaide Festival Theater where the latest blogging convention was being held and I just happened to be the guest speaker. By that time I had reached Pro Blogger status and my popularity was so great that the room was filled to capacity.

I remember when I stepped on the stage how the murmur of the crowd rose to a roar as soon as my presence was noticed. After a moment of basking in the adulation I raised my hand to signal that I wanted them to settle down. As soon as the roar subsided and I knew I finally had their attention I commenced with my speech. It was completely off the cuff as I hated the time it took to prepare those planned and delivered diatribe. As usual I thought that I would start off with a joke;

I would like to welcome all those of you who have visited or commented on my blogs especially the fluctuating 30-45 subscribers…pause for effect….damn, only a couple of snickers, will have to try something more dramatic…., I remember another occasion such as this where I decided to get the audience involved and so I asked if any of them had sex once a day. Quite a few of them raised their hands, their faces all lit up with satisfaction. I then asked how many had sex once a week and a greater number of hands were raised and the rest of the audience started to warm up to the subject. OK, I said, how many of you have sex once a month? This time quite a large number had raised their hands and I noticed, by their rings that most of them were married. Finally I asked how many actually had sex only once a year, and this little man in the fifth aisle jumps up excitedly and virtually screams out ‘”THAT’S ME, I HAVE SEX ONCE A YEAR!” Really, I said, astonished. But if you only have sex once a year, why are you so excited? Still jumping up and down he replies, “BECAUSE TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!” The crowd roars with laughter with a spattering of ‘We love you Sire’ all around the room, and one young woman throws her G string at me which I snatch deftly out of the air, give it a quick whiff and then place it in my jeans pocket for DNA testing. I smiled, as I had them in the palm of my hand.

Thank you, thank you, as I once again raise my hand to quieten them down.. I have noticed lately that many of you in your efforts to gain readership have lowered yourselves to holding many a competition on your blogs and I find this lowers our standards…… this causes a few ‘You Suck Sire’ comments from around the room and I even had to duck a ripe tomato…

Wait, listen and you will come to understand where I’m coming from. I realize how we all look for adulation in our readers, how we want to inspire loyalty from them so that they come back time and time again. But do you really think that you can buy that with a T Shirt or some crappy 125×125 ad on your blog? Shit, I think to myself, I’m doing something wrong, as more and more abuse is being hurled at me and the woman climbs onto the stage to get her G string back….

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I scream, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT! They quieten down but it took a bloody long time, perhaps the tear gas from the security guards helped…. It’s not the contests that will gain you true love and loyalty from your readers, as that only comes from within you! From your most innermost being where you pluck out those emotive words that will then form the quality content on your blog! That is what will ultimately capture the heart and souls of all those who come to land on your blogs.

There is silence, and then a voice from the back, ‘That’s bullshit Sire, you suck you moron’, and then a chanting of ‘Sire sucks, Sire sucks Sire sucks’ and suddenly I am dodging more and more missiles… exit stage left….

Yep, those were the good old days, I thought to myself as the sun was setting in the sky giving the clouds a crimson hue. Reckon I better head on over to the village tavern and see what sort of tucker they have on tonight.