Friday just happens to be the fifth day of the week and for many it has been a gruelling time and they’re looking forward to the weekend. It’s for this very reason that I chose to incorporate the Fridays Funnies series into this blog and I’m so glad that I did because it’s turning out to be really popular. How do I know this to be the case? Well, there are several factors including emails from my readers, comments and among other things I’ve noticed my list subscribers have increased and I convincing myself they’re joining because they don’t want to miss out on any of the Friday Funnies Posts
Before I get on with this post I’m conducting a very important poll on my last post Spam Alert! How Many Emails Does It Take?, one in which I urge you to take part in, especially if you have or are thinking of starting a list, as it may affect your email strategies. Now, on with this post, hang onto your seat guys because you just may fall off from laughter.
The Blonde’s Milk Bath
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman asked, ‘I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?’ The blonde said, ‘No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.’
Happy Friday Funnies guys and I am so happy to be here on a wintry day sitting near a window with the warm basking sun flowing over me. It’s such a great feeling, made even better because I’m in the process of writing the 22nd post in the Friday Funnies series. I’m going to start this one with a riddle.
There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill. There were four men …
one was walking briskly up the hill; one was inside the brothel; one was walking slowly down the hill and the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.
What were the nationalities of the four men?
I’ll give you the answer at the end of the post.
How Politicians Fail To See Reality
I did a post on my Load Of BS blog about our Politician’s Latest Pay Rise and because of that I reckon I’m still in politician bashing mode. That being the case I’ve decided to find some politically based humor. What makes this joke funny is it could really have happened, and actually the email I received said it did actually happen.
The New South Wales Government and the NSW Greens Party were presenting an alternative to local farmers for controlling the native dingo population.
It seems that after years of the farmers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers offered a more humane solution.
What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, where the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be better controlled.
This was actually proposed to the NSW Farmers and Graziers Association by the combination of State Government and the Greens.
All of the farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, “Son, I don’t think you understand our problem….Those dingos ain’t screwin’ our sheep – they’re eatin’ them!”
I reckon the only ones that didn’t get the joke would be the politicians.
Now, if there is one thing we dislike more than politicians it would have to be telemarketers! Have you ever wanted to find out a way to have some fun with these guys, so that you could piss them off for a change? Well, there is this one ingenious bloke who goes out of his way to have fun with them.His name is Tom Nabe and here is a video of one of his antics.
How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers
And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the answer to that riddle.
The man going up the hill: was rushin * The man in the brothel: him-a-layin * The man walking down the hill: was finish
Now wait for it ………………………………………….!!!!!!
Ya gonna hate this ……………………………………….
* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green!
And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope it brightened up your day and that it sets you up for an absolutely great weekend.
Welcome to this weeks Friday’s Funnies readers but before I tickle your funny bone I want to thank all my kind readers for emailing their jokes and explain to them why I haven’t included them as part of the Friday Funnies series. Simply put, I didn’t find them funny enough. If they don’t make me laugh then it’s not good enough for my readers. Keep sending them though because the moment I use one of your jokes I will link to your site within that post.
When I first started the series I thought it would be a simple copy and past procedure with a little added blurb by yours truly for SEO purposes as well as a way of introducing the posts. Man, if only it was that easy. It takes time to go through them all deleting the ones that aren’t funny and putting the others in the ‘possibly’ funny pile. Not to mention the extra joke I send to all my subscribers. Still, even though it does take a lot of work its all worth it because I love all the feedback I get from you guys.
OK, enough banter, lets get on with the joke telling.
A Woman’s Mind At Work
A man wakes up at the Austin Hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the Hume Highway.
You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”
The man perks up. “So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.
But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.
If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”
“Yes I have,” says the man.
“And has she helped you make a decision?”
“Yes” says the man.
“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.
“We’re getting granite benchtops.”
Yeah, you just have to love how the woman’s mind work don’t you
Now for the video portion of Fridays Funnies. I have to warn you there is quite a bit of profanity in this clip, so much so I’m surprised the commercial ever went live, but it’s done really well and I absolutely loved it. Just to se the scene it has to do with the iPhone’s Siri capabilities and how the Scottish are finding that Siri is having a lot of trouble with the Scottish accent.
Apple Scotland – iPhone commercial For Siri
That’s it guys, but before I go I’m going to leave this cute letter to God from an innocent child. Man, you have to love them don’t you?
Today, Friday 22nd of June is a notable milestone! Why is that you ask? Because it marks the day of the 20th post in the Friday Funnies series. That’s right, Friday Funnies has survived 20 weeks and it’s still going strong which makes me a happy blogger because I now know it makes you guys happy. And if you’re happy then I have every reason to be happy.
So what do I have for you today? After rifling through my many emails I came across an old joke that has been reworked a little. The joke was funny when I heard it all those years ago and it’s even funnier today because modern technology makes it more believable.
The Aldi Doctor
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.”
“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Aldi’s Supermarket. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor.”
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi’s.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi’s.”
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Aldi’s, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. Read the rest of this entry
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