Friday Funnies # 28 Understanding Men

Welcome to the latest Friday Funnies guys. Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face and starts you off on a great weekend. As my last Friday Funnies post was pretty well all about blondes I thought I would make this one all abut men. Besides, it seems that lately I’ve been concentrating too much on the ladies and most of those times I’ve been getting into trouble, usually because I’ve said the wrong thing or something.

You know guys, we always seem to think that the reason we don’t get women is because they’re a real mystery to us. Could it be that women want it that way? Think about it! If they really wanted us to know what how they tick they would have produced a bloody manual by now wouldn’t they. :tongue_laugh_ee: Anyway, just so the gals can’t say the same thing about us I’m going to put this out there for everyone to see.

Understanding Men Men Need Rules

Yep, that’s all there is to us ladies. We need rules, and just you know what they are I’m going to lay them all out for you.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. :tongue_laugh_ee:

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –

to give them a bigger laugh.

There you have it ladies, as long as you abide by those rules we’re going to get along just fine. And of course you know the best way to pass it onto your mates is by using one of the social sharing icons floating on the right there. :thumbup_ee:

Now, how many of you play peek a boo with your baby? Don’t ever, ever let them find out you’ve never left the room.

peek a boo baby

And finally, just to prove all men aren’t stupid :day_dreaming:

That’s it guys. You know what to do now don’t you? That’s right, leave a comment and promote the hell out of it. :smoke_tb:


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Friday Funnies # 27 Is All About Blondes

As the wheel of time turns on it’s endless revolutions, unless something traumatic happens, we can always depend on one thing. Friday Funnies! That’s right folks it’s Friday Funnies time and do I have some killer jokes for you. In fact, because of the popularity of blonde jokes I thought I’d look through my emails to see what kind of blonde joke I could find, and believe me, I found a doozy.

But first I would like to apologise to all the blondes out there who may be offended by anything they read here. We know that regardless of all those jokes out there we all know you guys can’t possible be that dumb. Heck, if anything it’s all a devious plot you guys have put together and we’re all just too dumb to work out what your intentions are  :devil_tb:

The Blonde School Girl

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”

I wish these were brains

A Blonde’s Idea Of Revenge

And now to finish off with funny blonde cartoon.

Blonde Elevator Joke

That’s it guys. I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies and here’s hoping for a great weekend. Hang on a sec, here are some great blonde joke books for you.

Some Great Blonde Joke Books

 Blonde Jokes: 500 Blonde Jokes to Make Your Toes Curl!    

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Friday Funnies #26 Aunty Acid The Seven Dwarfs & More

Man, what a day I’ve had. I didn’t think I would get this post out on time because just about everything’s gone wrong starting with the phone line being down for over 24 hours! Naturally if I don’t have a phone line I don’t have the internet because I’m using DSL and not cable. Then when the Internet finally comes on I have to rush off to work  :wallbash_tb: Once I finally get home I’ve stopped for a cup of coffee and a quick bite to eat. It’s now 11.30pm which means that I have 30 minutes to get the latest Friday Funnies out.

I thought for this weeks joke I would tell you about the time the seven dwarfs went to Rome to visit with the pope.

The Seven Dwarfs Meet With The Pope

Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack. “Grumpy, my son,” says the Pope, “What can I do for you?”

Grumpy asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.”

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, “Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?”

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.

“This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Read the rest of this entry

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