Friday Funnies # 27 Is All About Blondes

As the wheel of time turns on it’s endless revolutions, unless something traumatic happens, we can always depend on one thing. Friday Funnies! That’s right folks it’s Friday Funnies time and do I have some killer jokes for you. In fact, because of the popularity of blonde jokes I thought I’d look through my emails to see what kind of blonde joke I could find, and believe me, I found a doozy.

But first I would like to apologise to all the blondes out there who may be offended by anything they read here. We know that regardless of all those jokes out there we all know you guys can’t possible be that dumb. Heck, if anything it’s all a devious plot you guys have put together and we’re all just too dumb to work out what your intentions are  :devil_tb:

The Blonde School Girl

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”

I wish these were brains

A Blonde’s Idea Of Revenge

And now to finish off with funny blonde cartoon.

Blonde Elevator Joke

That’s it guys. I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies and here’s hoping for a great weekend. Hang on a sec, here are some great blonde joke books for you.

Some Great Blonde Joke Books

 Blonde Jokes: 500 Blonde Jokes to Make Your Toes Curl!    

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Friday Funnies #26 Aunty Acid The Seven Dwarfs & More

Man, what a day I’ve had. I didn’t think I would get this post out on time because just about everything’s gone wrong starting with the phone line being down for over 24 hours! Naturally if I don’t have a phone line I don’t have the internet because I’m using DSL and not cable. Then when the Internet finally comes on I have to rush off to work  :wallbash_tb: Once I finally get home I’ve stopped for a cup of coffee and a quick bite to eat. It’s now 11.30pm which means that I have 30 minutes to get the latest Friday Funnies out.

I thought for this weeks joke I would tell you about the time the seven dwarfs went to Rome to visit with the pope.

The Seven Dwarfs Meet With The Pope

Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack. “Grumpy, my son,” says the Pope, “What can I do for you?”

Grumpy asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.”

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, “Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?”

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.

“This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Read the rest of this entry

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Why Todays Vampires Suck

After watching many of the movies that are currently out about vampires, one has to wonder whether or not these movies have been put out by an underground society of vampires? Vampires who are waiting in the sidelines for people to become more accepting of them. I can just see them all pouring over the ratings, noticing how many of the viewers are becoming enthralled with the idea of vampires and how some are even falling in love with them. This conspiring mob of blood suckers are probably just waiting for the time when they can intermingle freely amongst us, and when that happens, well, that’s when the real blood sucking comes into play.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

I don’t know how many of you young ones would remember Bram Stoker’s Dracula and I’m sure if you did you would realize why todays vampires suck. Why, compared to Count Vladimir Dracula of old todays vampires are nothing but a bunch of blood sucking pussies. Shit, the Muppet’s Count Von Count has more balls than they do.

Let’s get some perspective on what a real vampire

is all about shall we?

  • They Don’t Like The Sunlight: Forget what you’ve seen in the The Twilight Saga where they would have you believe they avoid the sunlight because it makes their skin glitter like gold! Come on people, the reason they avoid it is because it hurts like hell and prolonged exposure causes them to burst into flames and leaves nothing but a pile of dust.
  • Vampires Fall In Love: Really? Vampires are soulless creatures whose sole reason for living is to latch on a person’s jugular and bleed them dry. The only reason they have humans, vampire familiars, around them is so they can use them to help lure victims to their lair.
  •  Vampire’s Have Sex?: I’m sure they do, heck the lure for sex is so strong perhaps being dead isn’t enough to kill it. Then again, they are dead aren’t they, and even some of the current movies admit to their skin being cold and all and if that is the case how many women would really want to accept a cold icicle  between their legs. :no_way: Not willingly anyway, and maybe what is really happening is that these guys are victims being compelled by the vampires?
  • Vampires live in houses:Yep, and they drink alcohol, get drunk, read books and write poems. What a load of BS. The vampires I’m familiar with live in old castles

    Bram Stoker (1847-1912)

    Bram Stoker (1847-1912)

    and instead of sleeping in a bed spend the night in their coffin which comes complete with dirt from their original grave. But then again, todays vampire want to fit in with the rest of humanity and what better way than to go to high school, frequent bars, dance halls and the like. Heck, some even have family outings with the occasional game of baseball.  :laugh_tb:

Out of all the vampire movies and series that’s out today I like those that hold a little as to what makes for a real vampire. The Vampire Diaries: The Complete First Season, except for Stefan who has way too many feelings for a true vampire. At least they can’t walk in the daylight unless they wear an enchanted ring :wink_ee:

I don’t really mind the The Twilight Saga as it does make for good viewing but it’s pretty far fetched, especially the speckled skin crap, not to mention playing baseball during thunderstorms to hide the noise of the bat hitting the ball. :tongue2_tb:

Then there is True Blood which portrays the co-existence of vampires and humans. Could be that’s something that a vampire cult would really love to come to fruition doesn’t it?

So tell me, what do you think of today’s vampires? Perhaps you would like to include some of the things of todays vampires that peeves you off in some way?

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