Click Now!

Friday Funnies #29 Is All About Call Centers

Have you ever thought how frustrating it must be for those poor guys man those call centers? Poor bastards. Sure they must get a legitimate caller every now and again and they probably breathe a sigh of relief when that happens. As for the rest of them, just try to imagine what it must be like dealing with hundreds of morons who shouldn’t be allowed to own anything more technical than a potato peeler. Heck some people probably shouldn’t even own one of those.

I reckon that’s why most call centers are moved overseas! sure they want to save money, but for the most part it’s because our call center operators aren’t able to put up with anymore crap.Anyway, for this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would reproduce a few actual call center conversations.

Actual Call Center Conversations !

Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?’.
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Center’.
Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’.
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Directory Inquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’..
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.
Customer: ‘OK’.
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.
Customer: ‘Sure.. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- ———— ——— ——— ——— —-

There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable…’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power……. .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!

Now tell the truth, you’re feeling a bit more compassion for those call center guys now aren’t you? :tongue_laugh_ee: Naturally we all get pissed when we’re trying to resolve an issue and we get someone on the other line who has an accent we can’t understand and we all blame those overseas call centers, but is it really their fault?

An Indian Call Center Conversation ;)

And just to finish off here is a little something from Aunty Acid, who as you know doesn’t take any crap.  :laugh_tb:

Aunty Acid Cartoon about crap

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

Friday Funnies # 28 Understanding Men

Welcome to the latest Friday Funnies guys. Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face and starts you off on a great weekend. As my last Friday Funnies post was pretty well all about blondes I thought I would make this one all abut men. Besides, it seems that lately I’ve been concentrating too much on the ladies and most of those times I’ve been getting into trouble, usually because I’ve said the wrong thing or something.

You know guys, we always seem to think that the reason we don’t get women is because they’re a real mystery to us. Could it be that women want it that way? Think about it! If they really wanted us to know what how they tick they would have produced a bloody manual by now wouldn’t they. :tongue_laugh_ee: Anyway, just so the gals can’t say the same thing about us I’m going to put this out there for everyone to see.

Understanding Men Men Need Rules

Yep, that’s all there is to us ladies. We need rules, and just you know what they are I’m going to lay them all out for you.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. :tongue_laugh_ee:

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –

to give them a bigger laugh.

There you have it ladies, as long as you abide by those rules we’re going to get along just fine. And of course you know the best way to pass it onto your mates is by using one of the social sharing icons floating on the right there. :thumbup_ee:

Now, how many of you play peek a boo with your baby? Don’t ever, ever let them find out you’ve never left the room.

peek a boo baby

And finally, just to prove all men aren’t stupid :day_dreaming:

That’s it guys. You know what to do now don’t you? That’s right, leave a comment and promote the hell out of it. :smoke_tb:

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

Friday Funnies # 27 Is All About Blondes

As the wheel of time turns on it’s endless revolutions, unless something traumatic happens, we can always depend on one thing. Friday Funnies! That’s right folks it’s Friday Funnies time and do I have some killer jokes for you. In fact, because of the popularity of blonde jokes I thought I’d look through my emails to see what kind of blonde joke I could find, and believe me, I found a doozy.

But first I would like to apologise to all the blondes out there who may be offended by anything they read here. We know that regardless of all those jokes out there we all know you guys can’t possible be that dumb. Heck, if anything it’s all a devious plot you guys have put together and we’re all just too dumb to work out what your intentions are  :devil_tb:

The Blonde School Girl

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”

I wish these were brains

A Blonde’s Idea Of Revenge

And now to finish off with funny blonde cartoon.

Blonde Elevator Joke

That’s it guys. I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies and here’s hoping for a great weekend. Hang on a sec, here are some great blonde joke books for you.

Some Great Blonde Joke Books

 Blonde Jokes: 500 Blonde Jokes to Make Your Toes Curl!    

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012-2015

Man, what a day I’ve had. I didn’t think I would get this post out on time because just about everything’s gone wrong starting with the phone line being down for over 24 hours! Naturally if I don’t have a phone line I don’t have the internet because I’m using DSL and not cable. Then when the Internet finally comes on I have to rush off to work  :wallbash_tb: Once I finally get home I’ve stopped for a cup of coffee and a quick bite to eat. It’s now 11.30pm which means that I have 30 minutes to get the latest Friday Funnies out.

I thought for this weeks joke I would tell you about the time the seven dwarfs went to Rome to visit with the pope.

The Seven Dwarfs Meet With The Pope

Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack. “Grumpy, my son,” says the Pope, “What can I do for you?”

Grumpy asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.”

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, “Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?”

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.

“This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Read the rest of this entry

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012
About Peter Pelliccia"