Yay, it’s Friday Funnies time again and so it is with great pleasure that I present to you Friday Funnies #38 ! Yep, that means that its been going for a whole 38 weeks! Man that has gone quickly hasn’t it? OK, so I reckon you’ve gathered from the title of the post that it’s going to have something to do with the Irish and of course you’re correct What you don’t know is that I’m going to share not one but two incredibly funny Irish jokes with you and they both involve accidents.
The Irish Road Accident
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate’s been hit by a car.
Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he’s bleeding from his nose and
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ears and I tink both his legs are broken.’
Operator: ‘What is your location sir?’
Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .’
Operator: ‘How do you spell that sir?’
Silence…. (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: ‘Are you there sir?’
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: ‘Sir, can you hear me?’
This goes on for another few minutes until….
Operator: ‘Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?’
Paddy: ‘Yes, sorry bout dat… I couldn’t spell eucalyptus, so I just
dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .’
OK, now for joke #2
The Irish Sawmill Accident
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.
The nurse says, “Oh he’s out in Rehab exercising”.
Paddy couldn’t believe it, but there’s Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.
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The very next day he’s back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to the hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.
The nurse replies, “He’s out in the Rehab again exercising”.
And sure enough, there’s Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill.
And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is.
The nurse breaks down and cries and says, “He’s dead.”
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised…
“I suppose the saw finally did him in.”
“No”, says the nurse…. “Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
Now for an Irishman telling Irish jokes
Some Funny Irish Humour
And last but not least, some words of wisdom from everybody’s favourite, Aunty Acid and why she ended her singing career. To tell you the truth I know exactly how she feels. Have a great weekend guys.
Oh, just in case you want a collection of your own Irish Jokes
After my last post, Sire’s Scary Halloween Poem, and keeping with the Halloween theme I thought it only fitting that Friday Funnies is Halloween related. Unfortunately, after scouring all my emails I couldn’t find anything that I thought would do the post justice and so I had to resort to Google! I got to tell you, there isn’t much out there. Most of them are one liners and a couple weren’t even funny.
Because I didn’t get these jokes in the emails I thought I’d do the right things and post the links the respective jokes. I found this one on Halloween Howl.
Halloween bat (Photo credit: Free Flower)
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
“OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.
“Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good,” said the first bat, “Because I DIDN’T!”
This next video is a pretty long one but its really worth watching.
Halloween Hallway Of Hell
And now for a little video of a Halloween prank gone wrong.
Halloween Prank Gone Wrong
Well, that’s it guys. Hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies and don’t forget to have a great weekend. But before you go here are some great Halloween deals from Amazon.
There have been times in my life when I’ve been asked whether I am a tit ass or leg man. Heck, I’m sure many men throughout the ages have been asked the same thing on more than one occasion. In case you’re wandering about my preferences I don’t particularly have one as I’m quite happy to admire whatever women are prepared to show me. If their going to give me some cleavage I am quite happy to take in the site. The same goes for those women who insist on wearing tight skirts, shorts or pants as well as those who wear those lovely short numbers.
Heck, I love women so much that it’s not unusual for me to post some revealing images on this very blog, not to mention my sexual aid blog Heck, I’ve used so many images I get emails from folk warning me to be careful so as to not offend the big G. So many emails that I;m thinking of writing a post about sex and Google. But not today, today it’s all about Friday Funnies and as you might of guessed, this weeks Friday Funnies is going to contain some tits in it. So, if the naked breast offends you then you had better move on because this post is not for you.
Fifty Shades Of Grey
Although I haven’t read it I’ve heard a lot about the book Fifty Shades Of Grey and how it can release you inhibitions. After seing this funny poem it kind of made me want to go out and buy the damn thing.
Me missus bought a paperback
Down town on Saturday,
I had a peep into her bag;’Twas “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
Her left hand held a length of rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down onto the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet
A cuppla minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Doris,
You would see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude, just naked like,
Bent forward just a bit ….
I took a pace to brace meself And stood on her left tit!
Old Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”
Well readers, I won’t tell no more
What happened on that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned “fifty shades of grey”.
And now for a bit of country western as this video is one of a bloke called Rodney Carrington and it’s all about trying to get the audience to show them their titties
Show Me Your Titties Song
What, you don’t think women flashing their boobs in public because some guy asks them to isn’t funny? Heck, if I didn’t know any better I would have sworn he wrote that song after reading the post Taking Off Your Clothes For The Greater Good.
Aunty Acid And Her Boobs
Well, that’s it for this weeks Friday Funnies. I hope you liked it enough to give it a Tweet, FaceBook Like or something to share it with your friends so they can enjoy it as well.
Rodney Carrington: Live at the Majestic The Adult Only Joke Book (Humour)
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