To test the theory I’ve decided to go back to three posts a week to see if it will improve my Alexa ranking. As I’m still pretty strapped for time and because I get a lot of funny emails I’ve decided to a series of posts called Friday Funnies, and yes I will be posting every Friday, which will probably the most regular thing in my life

Friday Funnies #1 One For The Women

Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Chuck had read an article that said, ‘Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex’.

The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her Red Hat friends all about it. ‘We had a great dinner. Chuck even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.’

‘But what about afterward?’ asked her friends.

‘Oh, that………. Chuck was too tired.’

God is good.

OK, I’m assuming that most women would have found that joke to be funny but as a bloke I can honestly say I wasn’t all that amused, the reason being that as a bloke I know that when it comes to sex we are never that tired. I bet if that housewife turned over in bed and grabbed Chuck’s old fella he would be up and raring to go.

Friday Funnies #2  Xmas Post Office

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched.. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was £4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

I don’t know about you but I sure as heck wasn’t expecting that and that made it funny.

Send me an email if you have any posts that you think is funny and if I like it I’ll link to it in the next Friday Funnies post. Until then here are some funny books and stuff that you may enjoy.

God Does Have a Sense of Humor Average Rating: 34 total customer reviews...

When My Mind Wanders It Brings Back Souvenirs Average Rating: 7 total customer reviews...

The Women's Daily Irony Supplement Average Rating: 19 total customer reviews...

Kevin Hart: Laugh At My Pain Average Rating: 23 total customer reviews...

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Strangely enough I awoke this morning to a Tweet that someone had nominated me for an award as well, ergo this post, and yes that person was Mitch. Thanks mate   Being nominated I don’t expect to win, as like Mitch mentioned in his post this contest started way back in Jan 3rd and although it ends in February 17th we’ve lost almost three weeks in the voting race.

What Is The Shorty Award?

So, what is a Shorty Award? It’s an award that has been running for several years, four to be exact as this is the 4th Annual Shorty Awards, but far be it from me to put words in their mouth. This is straight from their about page.

.

The Shorty Awards honor the best of social media, recognizing the people and organizations producing real-time short form content on across Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, Foursquare, and the rest of the social Web.Every year, millions of people visit the Shorty Awards site to tweet nominations for their favorite social media content creators. All those tweets culminate in a highly anticipated awards ceremony that celebrates the winners in dozens of featured categories, as well as thousands of crowd-sourced community ones. For the second time, the Shorty Awards will also honor the industry’s best agencies, brands, and social media professionals.

Just so you know there are heaps of categories but the only one I’m interested in is not coming last in the blogging one.  If that’s not enough incentive for all my loyal fans let me list a few reasons why you should vote for me in the Shorty Awards.

You should Vote For Sire In The Shorty Award Blogger Category because;

• I’m two inches off being 6 feet tall which puts me in the short category so I deserve a Shorty Award 
• I’m and Aussie an all around good guy
• I know my way around the blogging world and have amassed one or two followers
• So that I don’t win the wooden spoon by coming last in the blogging category, and this could happen because I am last and will remain there unless you people pull your finger out
• I actually know a fair bit about blogging, having 9 blogs and combined having written over 3000 posts.
• So that I don’t embarrass myself by coming last 
• Because you love me and want me to have a good chance at getting somewhere near the top 
• So that when I do win you can pat yourself on the back and can tell everyone that you helped me to win it 
• Because it will give you an all round fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach knowing that you did something nice. 
• Because if you don’t your comment will be deleted  OK, I’m only kidding about that one….or am I?  

Well, there are 10 perfectly good reasons why you should vote for me, and just so you know where to go I’m going to make it very easy for you.

Vote For Me!

Just so you know, being a social media site and all, you need to be a Twitter member to vote as the votes have to be tweeted. I’m not sure if you can vote more than once but I don’t mind you experimenting.  Unlike Mitch I did vote for myself just to see if it works 

So, don’t just sit there thinking about it, click that link and vote for me and then come back and leave a comment, and remember my social blogging status depends on you!  And remember when tweeting you need to add a reason why you’re voting for me. I’m sure you can think of something.

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Anyway, after he last few posts where I introduced you to the best ever WordPress comment system, a brand new Social Network system and a plugin that improved the quality of comments that you’ve been getting I’ve decided to make this post a fun one, one that will entertain you and hopefully put a smile on your face.

For The Love Of Mrs. Brown Video

Now this video really cracked me up, but I have to warn you it does use the F word as well talk about stuff of a sexual nature but given all that it is bloody hilarious.

Mrs Brown's Boys : Series 1 (2 Discs) | DVD Multi Region Version Average Rating: 3 total customer reviews...

Have you calmed down yet? Perhaps you would be interested to know what the world was like when you were born? Obviously it was vastly different from what we’re experiencing today, This link will show you what the world was like on the year you were born. Speaking about days gone by, here’s a joke about dating way back in 1958, the year that I was born!

Peggy Sue In 1958

Dating in 1958

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.  He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

“Oh, come on in!” Peggy Sue’s mother said as she welcomed Fred in.   “Have a seat in the living room.  Would you like something to drink?  Lemonade?   Iced tea?”

“Iced tea, please,” Fred said.  Mom brought the iced tea.

“So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?” she asked.

“Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach…”

“Peggy likes to screw, you know,” Mom informed him.

“Uh…really?” Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, yes!” the mother continued.  “When she goes out with her friends, that’s all they do!”

“Is that so?” asked Fred, incredulous.

“Yes,” said the mother.  “As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we let her!”

“Well, thanks for the tip,” Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.  She greeted Fred.

“Have fun, kids,” the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

“The Twist, Mom!” she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.  “The damned dance is called the Twist!

Now it’s something for the boys. I’ve done several post taking the mickey out of women, like Women & The All About Me Syndrome and maybe even the time when I rewrote the Lyrics to Roy Orbison’s Mean Woman Blues calling It Wassup’s Mean Woman’s Blues. You may even remember the funny video I made of the best ever pick-up line? Well, this next video is for all those blokes who find their eyes straying to a woman’s ample cleavage when they should be making eye contact. Come on guys I know you’ve all been caught doing that at one time or another.

What To Do When Caught Staring At A Woman’s Breasts

The problem is that in real life it doesn’t matter how accurate the logic is you use to make a point it just won’t wash when used against a woman  Just kidding ladies, you know I luvs ya 

I sometimes try to relate my posts to blogging in some way, whether it’s a blogging tip or simply by means of highlighting a particular point. Not this time though. This time it’s just for the sheer joy of presenting it to you in the hope that you will get some enjoyment from it. If you should take anything at all from it I hope its that you enjoy your blogging because everyone knows it’s those who enjoy what they do who do well at it. 

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But enough about how good this theme is, I want to entertain you with some juice Halloween Videos. I would say most of the videos you see online are American and this is because they take Halloween really seriously. Take this first one for example. The house that put this show together really went all out.

Then of course there are all the Halloween pranks…

And then of course there is this video that has been put together by some high school students in 2010. It’s so good to see that all those education dollars are being put to good use.

Some Halloween Goodies

20 FOOT GIANT HANGING HALLOWEEN FRIENDLY BLACK SPIDER - PLASTIC Average Rating: 1 total customer reviews...

Grim Reaper Holding Candle Lantern Average Rating: 4 total customer reviews...

DELUXE HALLOWEEN BAG OF SKELETON BONES - FULL 28 PIECE SET - PERFECT FOR A HALLOWEEN GRAVEYARD or HAUNTED HOUSE Average Rating: 9 total customer reviews...

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Oh, just in case you’ve heard that the casinos will ply you with drinks as long as you play the machines, I found that to be true but don’t expect to see them all that often. Maybe I was unlucky but in the hour or so that I was there I only got one drink but then a free drink every now and again is better than none at all. Oh, whatever you do, don’t do what I did and forget to tip the waitress.

Like I’ve said before the Hotels in Vegas are big, each have a theme and are full of things to do. Caesar’s Palace is no different. As you can imagine the theme at Caesar’s Palace is all to do with the classical Roman era and apart from gladiators and such you can’t visit that era and not come into contact with some Roman Gods. Caesar’s Palace actually has a show that involves Talking Gods. Although all the wife and I heard about was that Caesar’s Palace had something that involved moving statues, we sure as hell didn’t know those statues involved any deity.

It took us some time to find those remarkable statues too, because like I said those Las Vegas hotels are big. As it happens it was located at one end of the hotel in the Forum Shops and you may want to get there early if you want to get a good view as its pretty popular. I was thinking of you guys while I was there and so I took a video just so you guys wouldn’t miss out.

Yeah, yeah, I know I have a typo in the videos introduction I hope you enjoyed that, expect some photos in one of the upcoming posts.

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Well, because I know what it’s like and I totally sympathize with what everyone is going through I want this post to entertain and bring some enjoyment into your life, even if it’s just for a moment.

First off I would like to present a YouTube video I happened to come across this morning. It’s a fairly old one but hasn’t had all that many views so I’m sure there are many that haven’t seen it. Originally uploaded in 2006 it’s an animation of Frank Sinatra sending up MySpace. It is really very clever and whoever sang the lyrics did a great job of impersonating the legendary Crooner.

That was pretty cool wasn’t it? OK, now I want to see how good your mouse control is. Follow this link and see if you can touch the guys nose with the mouse pointer. If you can do it you’re a better man than I

OK, now let’s have a look at this photo.

Please, not in front of the wife

While I see the humor in this I can’t see my friends rubbing it and I sure as hell don’t want my mates to do it.

OK, moving right along. I’m not sure how you feel about the government, but this is a fair representation of what I think of them.

The government are a buch of pricks

So, just in case you didn’t understand how I feel about them I added the caption, The government are a bunch of pricks

Now, just in case you’re having a bad day I bet you it’s nowhere near as bad as the one these people are having.

And for the grand finale I would like to finish off with this little story.

A little girl asks her mum, ‘Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?’  Her mum replies ‘No, because she is on heat.’  ‘What does that mean?’ asked the child. ‘Go and ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, ‘Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.’ He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said ‘Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.’
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..Surprised, Dad asked, ‘Where’s Lulu?’
You’ll love this!!!!!!!!!)……………
The little girl said, ‘She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.’

Have a good weekend guys!

Image by cindy47452 via Flickr

Damn if things aren’t getting a little too serious around here lately. We’ve had the post My Blog Was Hacked And What I Did About It where I told you all about getting hacked and how I got around it.Then almost immediately I was forced to do a followup post called Put A Firewall Up To Protect Your Blog From Attacks something that I urge everyone to read, nay not just read but to follow my lead and to tell everyone else about it as well.

Then there was the 11-Inch MacBook Air Review and before that I divulged what Affiliates I was using to make money in What Affiliates To Promote To Blog For Money. Well I think that is just about enough, and I’ve come to the conclusion that all work and no play makes Sire a boring old blogger. So for this post I want to do nothing more than to entertain you. Some of you who have been following my tweets have probably notice some links to some really funny and entertaining videos, well I can’t see any reason why my loyal readers shouldn’t get in on some of the fun.

Dancing At The Movies: I was really hoping to embed that video directly into the post but it’s not allowed so if you like the old Footloose song by Kenny Loggins you will love this video which an editing marvel incorporating some of the best dance scenes seen in the movies.

Now for a few laughs. This next clip is from an old Carol Burnett show and features a dentist sketch starring Tim Conway and Harvey Korman. It is bloody hilarious and just goes to show you don’t have to insert a whole lot of profanity in order to get your audience to laugh. I’d hate to have this guy work on me.

This next one is for the guys because it has what most guy love to see, a lovely set of exposed breasts. Check out the expressions of those lucky guys who copped an eye full.

This next one is for the ladies, and no matter what they tell you they are just as sexist as the average guy, oh well almost. They may not whistle at a good looking bloke who has muscles bulging out of his t-shirt, but they sure would like to. Then you get the ones that will tell you it’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it. Is it, is it really ladies? Check out the look at the expression on the faces of these women when they finally get to see what this bloke is packing.

Finally, seeing as how we left off on a video that is definitely sexual in nature I thought it only fitting to promote a couple of posts from my sex blog. One is about Finding The G Spot Saga – The Elusive G Spot Location where I put forward a couple of ideas on movies that could well turn into blockbusters, as well as introducing people to the revolutionary G-Spot mouse. Then there was the post Proving To Everyone That Women Do Have A Sense Of Humor.

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Image via Wikipedia

Valentines day isn’t all that far away and while there are a few of us who think it’s the biggest Load of BS out, there are a hell of a lot, usually the women, who look on it with expectation and perhaps even a few with trepidation. If you’re one of the lucky few who have a Valentines day product to sell you are more than likely rubbing your hands with glee. Personally I don’t see what all the fuss is about, it’s just another day unless you’re a bloke who has a partner and then it can be a virtual pain in the ass as well as the wallet. Not to worry fellas, I’ve come across a great video that will help you to score with the ladies on Valentines Day.

How To Score On Valentines Day

So remember guys, chocolates are in, as are a bouquet of flowers over a cheesy arrangement. Getting a Fresh Eco-Elegant Valentines Day Flowers from $29.95 at OrganicBouquet.com is probably a good idea, especially if she’s into saving the environment. Now for the women. I’m probably not the best bloke to tell women how to feel sexy on Valentine’s Day so I’ve found a video just for them.

How To Have A Sexy Valentine’s Day

You will notice that a lot more items are needed in the second video than were needed in the first. I wonder if that’s because marketers assume that women are more likely to spend their money on this sort of stuff than men? Let’s have a look at that list of requirements for having a sexy Valentine’s Day.

• Beauty Treatments: I can understand this, I mean you would want to look great for that lucky guy now don’t you?
• Massage Oils: Oh yeah, now that’s what I’m talking about.
• Candles: Nothing better than setting the mood with romantic scented candles and where better to get them from than at Candle Bay! Also dim lighting helps to hide any imperfections
• Food: Is this because women think the way to a man’s heart is through is stomach?
• Champagne: I can see two reasons for this; either she wants to get him drunk so he doesn’t know what he’s getting into or she needs it to get in the mood.
• A CD of Sexy Songs: Perhaps something along the lines of Erotica, Vol. 1 – Zen & Tantra Café – Hot and Sexy lounge music [Explicit] Yeah, that should get the party going.

Then the video mentions a couple of optional requirements like Erotic Movies and Role Playing costumes. You have got to be kidding! Optional, there is no way these should be optional at all. Heck Erotic Movies and Sexy Costumes, which you can get at CostumeKingdom.comare absolutely essential! Now what were those erotic movies she suggested? Oh that’s right; Swept Away (Digitally Remastered Edition), Body Heat [Blu-ray] and Last Tango in Paris? You call that erotic? Whatever happened to real erotic movies like The Girl Next Door (Unrated Edition) [Blu-ray], you know, the one starring Jenna Jameson, now that’s what I call erotic.

Isn’t it amazing how the women spend so much more time than a bloke as far as preparations go. It  doesn’t matter if they’re getting ready to go out or preparing for something special it’s a major event. In regards to Valentines while we would apreciate a Brazilian it’s not like it’s really necessary. All we really want is the companionship of a good woman, and if we’re really lucky we wouldn’t mind doing the wild thing.

So, seeing there’s only a few days left before Valentine’s Day what have you planned to make it something real special?

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Like all wicked witches Googleless was vain and her particular vanity extended to her well endowed breasts, which she maintained firm and sag free with her wicked magic. Every night as she sat topless combing her long jet black hair, she would croon to her magic mirror;

Magic Mirror on the wall

Who has the best titties of the all?

And the magic mirror would reply;

Oh Googleles, Queen so fair

Your titties are the best, beyond compare.

To which the witch queen would cackle with delight.

Now, Sire, once a royal knight of old, never liked the king’s choice of a bride, but what could he do for he was a king after all and wanton to have his way. The queen didn’t much like Sire either, most likely because of his closeness to the king, and so she made things difficult for him. Sire however, put up with her crap as he figured that the 4 weeks holiday with the 17.5% loading was well worth the irritation. Besides, he much rather tend the magical garden that joust or fight fire breathing dragons.

One day it got so bad that Sire thought it was time for payback. Knowing of her boob fixation he used all his skills to shape one of the bushes in the garden into the most luscious, titillating breasts that he could ever have imagined.

That night as the wicked witch queen sat brushing her hair, her full breasts staring at her in the mirror;

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Who has the best titties of them all?

To which the mirror replied;

Oh Googleless, Queen so fair

There are better titties than your luscious pair.

Googleless stopped mid stroke, her jaw dropped and the blood drained from her face, but only for a moment, for before you could say Google Slap, her face went red with rage and she let out a tirade of abuse that scorched the gold flakes from the mirror’s frame.

Once she calmed down she compelled the mirror to reveal whose breasts could possible be better than her own. So it was that she learned of Sire’s magical bush. “A bush,” she screams. How can a bush be better than these tits of mine, which are real and silicon free. (Reckon she must have forgotten about the magic she’s been using the vain bitch)

It was then that the mirror showed her Sire’s marvelous creation, and when she saw that they were truly better than her own she had a heart attack and died.

Upon her death a dark veil was lifted from that not so far off land, yet none but Sire knew the part that the boob bush had to play. All that people knew of the bush was that it was truly beautiful and that anyone who rubbed the leafy nipple would find good fortune. No doubt a myth that was started by the mischievous Sire.

Well, I sure hope you liked that short story, but you know it wasn’t completely fictitious. The boob bush did actually exist in my garden and I did actually tell my neighbors that I rubbed it everyday for luck. They loved it and thought the bush was a scream. Not so much the wife though. She wasn’t too impressed about having a boob with a huge nipple in her front garden. After constant nagging I decided, for the sake of some peace and quiet, that I would change the shape of the bush until it looked like the photo below.

You don’t see the boob? Use your imagination guys to remove the wart on the nipple.

Hey, if you liked the story don’t forget to tweet it or to share it with your FaceBook mates by clicking the like button.

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Then there was The Difference Between Male and Female, which showed how women and men behaved in the same circumstances, and naturally the differences were quite remarkable.

Let’s not forget There Is No Way In Hell That A Man Can Please A Woman where I attempted to show in my own Aussie way that no matter what a bloke does to make a woman happy it just doesn’t seem to go down the way it was intended.

Women & The All About Me Syndrome was an attempted satirical post where women suffered from IAAMS.  Not my most popular post but I sure did have a lot of fun with it and if I can’t have a little fun with blogging I don’t think I would be blogging today.

I reckon it’s pretty obvious though that there is a real difference in the way men and women behave and there’s not much we can really do about it if it’s all in our genes. As this video clearly shows there are preconceived paths that we must follow from the moment of conception. Let’s face it guys, and gals, it’s in our genes and there ain’t much we can do about it.

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