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Just For Fun Archives

An Aussie Husband Shows His Wife He Cares

I don’t know what I would do without email. Sure I get a lot of spam and and heaps of people running one scam or other but I also get a lot stuff that makes me burst out laughing. This is one that I found to be extremely funny, but that may be because of my Aussie humor. I’ve posted it just as I received it. What do you think, did you find it to be funny?

A note from a compassionate, loving and caring Aussie husband…

LOOK AFTER YOUR WIFE…..

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me, “You lazy prick! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your fat arse and give her a break !”

I thought ‘Shit woman!’ Took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunnies, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms to sod off and mind her own business. I told her my wife had green fingers and that she really enjoyed gardening.

After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I’m really proud of the deal I got and also very proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys, we should take good care of our wives… then maybe they’ll take good care of us.

I’ve attached a picture below…hope it comes through OK

Heck, if nothing else it shows off our Aussie ingenuity!

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Applying SEO To Your Category Pages

We all know how important SEO is if you want to be noticed by the major search engines. If you’re a regular reader of this blog you will also know that I am the perpetual lazy blogger, one who enjoys blogging but unfortunately I find SEO to be a real drag and so I look for ways to optimize my SEO without doing all the hard work.

Enter the Platinum SEO plugin which really does a brilliant SEO job on almost any blog. I reckon a lot of you probably already use this plugin but I wonder how many of you use it to it’s full extent. Did you know that you could optimize your category pages? I didn’t, and I’m not going to tell you how it’s done either because the author has done a brilliant job of how you can add meta description and meta keywords tag to the head section of your category pages.

OK, seeing as how this post is way too short even for me I want to leave you with a truly remarkable trick by Criss Angel.

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The FlexSqueeze Theme gives my blog that professional look. I loved it so much that I bought the developers license. It's the easiest most customizable theme I've come across. See how easy it is to change your theme's appearance! Compare it to Thesis to see how much better it is! Check out some of the latest Latest Updates

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Sharing Something Unique About Where You Live

Hands up all those of you who haven’t been affected by blogging in one way or another? I’m willing to bet that there are quite a lot of you out there who, like myself, originally took up blogging as a way of making money, or of promoting one site or another, but have now fallen in love with it. I have to admit that no matter what I’m doing blogging is lurking somewhere in the thought processes of my mind.

Honestly there are even times when while making love to my wife a blog post suddenly pops into my head and it’s all I can do to stop myself from climbing off of her and rushing to the computer so I can write up a new post. Shit, I know that if I do that she’s going to put my balls through the wringer, honestly kids if you don’t know what a wringer is you should ask your mom, but then if I don’t the climax is going to blow it right out of my head. It’s really a no win situation, except for the mind blowing sex part that is. :devil_tb: :thumbup_tb:

Anyway, it was about 4 a.m. while at work, I’m wearing shorts and it was about 2.5C when I had this sudden light bulb moment and this post just popped into my head. I’ve seen a lot of memes out there and it’s quite possible that someone else has already done it, but I thought it would be a great idea if we could share with each other something unique about the place where we live. It could be your home town or it could even be homeland.

Let me explain. I’ve already done a few posts about things that are unique to Australia. There was the one about an actual living tree house where a husband and wife brought up their family. Then there was the one about The Whispering Wall which is a dam with unique acoustics that allows people from each end to whisper to each other. Lastly I did a post on The Morning Glory Cloud, once again something that is unique to Australia.

OK, now I know that I get people from all over the world who pop in to read my posts and I know a whole lot of them are bloggers, who may occasionally be stuck for something to write about. Well not only will this give you something interesting to write about, it should also lead to some incoming links.  All you have to do is write a post about something unique or interesting about where you live, linking to this post and asking your readers to do the same. Drop me an email once you’ve done that including a link to your post and I will post that link on this post just under this heading.

Naturally it would be embarrassing for me me if no-one took this on so I would appreciate it if you didn’t let me down.  Naturally you should also Tweet or stumble this post to get the word out. :tongue_wink_ee:

Interesting And Unique Places Around The World

Meditation Center: Ramana who lives in Pune India has just written a post, complete with picture, of something that unique to where he lives.

San Bernardino California: Josiah’s post tells you about McDonald’s  birthplace and how the hot rods storm past Route 66 on a yearly basis. Thanks Josiah, that was really an interesting post.

Introduction To Cave Exploration: Check it out as James guides us through the Makahambus Cave which is roughly 30 minutes from the City of Golden Friendship.

(Your Link here)

Oh, yeah, something else we have that’s unique is the biggest rocking horse in the world.

World's Biggest Rocking Horse

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The Validity Of Old Sayings As Per Email

Have you ever wondered how some of those old sayings ever came about, you know, things like throwing the ‘baby out with the bathwater‘, or perhaps even being ‘piss poor‘ or ‘it’s raining cats and dogs‘? Well, I got this email today, and while I can’t vouch for it’s validity I thought you guys would perhaps find it of some interest.

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ”ONE LAST DRINK”.

If he said YES it was referred to as “ONE FOR THE ROAD”

If he declined, that prisoner was “ON THE WAGON”

So there you go. More bleeding history.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”. But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot they “Didn’t have a pot to Piss in” & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt Poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ”Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old”.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “Bring home the Bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ”Chew the fat”.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning & death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ”The Upper Crust”.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ”Holding a Wake”.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, ”Saved by the Bell ” or was considered a ”Dead Ringer”
And that’s the truth…Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

So, what do you reckon, how much of it has some truth to it and how much was complete and unadulterated crap?

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Taking Off Your Clothes For The Greater Good

SEX!

It doesn’t matter where you are, it doesn’t matter what your doing, sex is lurking somewhere waiting to pounce. There’s sex on TV! There’s sex on the Internet. There’s sex in magazines, there’s even sexting of which some say it should be illegal and some are just amazed it exists.

There’s sex in advertising, because everyone knows that sex sells. There’s raunchy hot steaming sex and there’s the quicky in the back seat of a car sex. People are either doing it, talking about it, wishing they were getting more or watching as it’s happening all around them. Heck, I reckon if you looked hard enough you’d even find it under the kitchen sink.

American model and television host Michele Merkin.
Image via Wikipedia

There is so much sex that it’s starting to create problems around the globe, especially because our kids are being exposed at such a young age. A lot of people blame the parents but honestly I reckon they’ve got their hands tied because there’s no much they can do unless the lock their kids under the basement. If you want to blame someone then you just have to point your finger straight at society and all the do-gooders who are society’s stumbling block because they won’t let you do anything in case it may hurt someones sensibilities or rights.

Well, I’ve had enough and I’ve thought of a way where we can put all this nonsense behind us, but I need your help, every single one of you, because the only way this will work is if we can make one very important global change.

The World Must Go Naked

Arrestive

That’s right, we must persuade our leaders to pass a law where everyone has to go around their daily business completely naked. Imagine if this was the case sex would be taken right out of the equation. I admit that like every great idea there are pros and cons and I wish to discuss some of them here. But being only one man it’s inconceivable that I can cover every single one of them so I ask you all, my loyal followers, to contribute in the comment section everything that I have missed.

OK. Let’s now consider some of the PROS and CONS.

  • PRO: The demise of The Bold and Beautiful! If you take clothes out of the equation there would be no more Forresters or Jaqui M and the show would fall on it’s ass.
  • CON: There would be no more plastic surgery inflating a woman’s boobs to massive proportion because without support they would be hanging around their kneecaps in no time at all.
  • PRO: While the above would be a con there’s also a positive for all small breasted women as their pert little beauties would be highly sought after, thereby saving all the jobs of the plastic surgeons in Rodeo Drive
  • PRO: No more sex in advertising! Those lazy buggers will have to think of something more intelligent and inspiring to sell their products rather than shoving tits and asses in our faces.
  • PRO: No more being dragged shopping with the other half forced to suffer in silence while they shopped for women’s clothes including bras and panties.
  • PRO: Getting to rub on that tanning lotion so that they don’t get sunburn. :devil_tb:
  • CON: It’s going to get damn cold in winter. Oh well, we may have to suffer a little for the greater good of humanity. Perhaps someone can invent some sort of lotion that can be rubbed onto all that naked luscious flesh that can keep out the cold.
  • PRO: No more need for metal detectors at schools and airports because there’s nowhere to hide weapons
  • CON: No more body searches. Too bad guys, suck it up and find something less entertaining to do.

Can you see the potential if we could just do away with clothes? Honestly what do you reckon, are you going to get behind me or not?

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The FlexSqueeze Theme gives my blog that professional look. I loved it so much that I bought the developers license. It's the easiest most customizable theme I've come across. See how easy it is to change your theme's appearance! Compare it to Thesis to see how much better it is! Check out some of the latest Latest Updates

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