A Husbands Forgetfulness Friday Funnies #171


Husbands are renown for forgetting stuff like anniversaries, birthdays and the like. Some, like this weeks Friday Funnies may have a hard time remembering certain aspects of their wife’s appearance.

Husband Forgetfulness

Husband Reports Missing Wife

A husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing.

  Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

  Sergeant: What is her height?

  Husband: Gee, I’m not sure, a little over five-feet tall.

  Sergeant: Weight?

  Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

  Sergeant: Colour of Eyes?

  Husband: Never noticed.

  Sergeant: Colour of hair?

  Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

  Sergeant: What was she wearing?

  Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

  Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

  Husband: She went in my truck.

  Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new Toyota Hilux 4×4 Four cylinders, in-line, belt-driven DOHC, aluminium alloy head. 17″ alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Chrome side bars with integrated steps. Custom leather seats and fluffy steering wheel cover. 18 disc CD changer and 21 channel CB. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

 At the point the husband started choking up.

 Sergeant: Don’t worry mate, we’ll find your truck. 

 I’m sure this is an American joke because we sure as hell don’t call trucks over here in Aus! Our Trucks are a hell of a lot bigger. :tongue_laugh_ee:  

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More Irish Jokes Friday Funnies #171


It Friday Funnies time again and I’m going to give you some more Irish Jokes. I know I’ve written a lot of posts about the Irish but they’re funny, people like them and so I’m all for sharing even more Irish Jokes.

More Irish Jokes To Make You Laugh

 Paddy Murphy walks into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.

“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.

“That little shit, O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?”

“That I did,” said Paddy. “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but bloody useless in a fight.”  :lol_tb:  

Pretty funny huh? How about some more Irish Jokes?

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Man, you just have to love the Irish!  :drunk_tb:

What’s that? You want even more Irish Jokes?  :tongue_laugh_ee:

more irish jokes

And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope the ‘More Irish Jokes’ put a smile on your face. Don’t forget to have a great weekend and to share this with your social media friends.

Want even more jokes? Visit my sports jokes, especially the Funny Sports Joke post which has become really popular.

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Ventriloquist Joke Friday Funnies #170


I’ve written a couple of ventriloquist jokes on this blog. Actually one of the earliest Fridays Funnies post had a Sexy Sals Joke that was about a ventriloquistThen there was the one that features Nina the Ventriloquist. I reckon the one you’re about to read is just as if not funnier than all the ventriloquist jokes that precedes it.

Aussie Ventriloquist Plays Havoc With Kiwi

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he’ll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

‘G’day, mind if I talk to your dog?’


Villager: ‘The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid Aussie.’


Ventriloquist: ‘Hello dog, how’s it going mate?’


Dog: ‘Yeah, doin’ all right.’


Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)


Ventriloquist: ‘Is this villager your owner?’ (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: ‘Yep’


Ventriloquist: ‘How does he treat you?’


Dog: ‘Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.’


Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)


Ventriloquist: ‘Mind if I talk to your horse?’


Kiwi: ‘Uh, the horse doesn’t talk either…I think.’


Ventriloquist: ‘Hey horse, how’s it going?’


Horse: ‘Cool’


Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)


Ventriloquist: ‘Is this your owner?’ (Pointing at the villager)


Horse: ‘Yep’


Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?


Horse: ‘Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.’


Kiwi: (total look of amazement)


Ventriloquist: ‘Mind if I talk to your sheep?’


Kiwi: (in a panic) 
‘The sheep’s a f*****’ liar..

I reckon this image of a ventriloquist joke is pretty funny too.
ventriloquist jokeAnd so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope you enjoyed it. Don’t forget I have some more funny jokes on my sports betting site,

 

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