Sex The Church And Virgins Friday Funny #119

A young couple wanted to join the church, the priest told them, ‘We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must Abstain from sex for one whole month.’
The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the priest ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

‘You are back so soon…Is there a problem?’ the priest inquired.

‘We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.’ The young man replied sadly

The priest asked him what happened.

‘Well, the first week was difficult… However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable.

We tried cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible….anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there.

It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,’ admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The priest lowered his head and said sternly, ‘You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.’

‘We know.’ said the young man, hanging his head, ‘We’re not welcome at Bunnings, either.’

sex and the virgin

Scary Runaway Train Prank

If you’re looking for more laughs check out this weeks Sports Golf Joke Of The Week.

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The Irish Cop Friday Funnies #118

Hey guys, did you see last weeks Saturday’s Friday Funnies. Yep, I didn’t have time to post it on Friday so I posted it on Saturday instead. I know i’m biased but I reckon it was pretty bloody funny. If you haven’t read it yet you should head on over and give it a read.

As it happens that particular Friday Funnies was full of Irish jokes. I wasn’t planning on writing another Irish joke so close to the last one but I couldn’t help myself when I got this one in the mail. It is ROLF hilarious! :lol_tb:  

The Irish Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!

The Irish cop says,”License and registration, please.”

The London Lawyer says, “What for?”

The Irish cop says, “Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

The London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

The Irish cop says, “Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir.”

The London Lawyer says, “What’s the bloody difference?”

The Irish cop says, “The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

The London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

The Irish cop says, “Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir.” Read the rest of this entry

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Irish Humour Friday Funnies #117

OK, technically I missed the Friday Funny post yesterday, but honestly, it’s not my fault. You see I had this movie ticket that expired yesterday and not wanting to throw good money away I decided to use it. And so I went to the local cinema and watched X-Men, Days Of Future Past, in 3D too. I was a really cool movie. The when I cam home I had to work on the shower to prepare it for todays sealing work.

OK! Enough of that, on with this weeks Friday Funnies, albeit it’s being posted on Saturday.  :tongue_laugh_ee: Seeing how we all like a bit of Irish Humour. I know this to be true because my Friday Funnies Irish jokes have always proved to be really popular. :thumbup_ee:  

Irish Humour

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship”

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”

“Ten years,” replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway, “that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink.. ” ‘Tis nectar of the gods!” shouted the Irishman. ” ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!” Read the rest of this entry

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