Aussie Jokes Friday Funnies #163

Aussie Jokes Are Funny

Aussie jokesI love Aussie jokes because Aussie jokes can be so bloody funny. I’ve posted a few Aussie jokes in my Friday Funnies series. They include Aussie Humour & Sexy Sals Blonde Joke. Then there was Friday Funnies #42 Some Real Aussie Humour and a smattering of other really funny Aussie Jokes.

The first funny Aussie jokes takes place at work where a couple of Aussie mates decided to experiment with some highly volotile liquid.  :drunk_tb:

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked  as  aircraft  mechanics  in Melbourne, Australia . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in  the  hangar  with nothing to do.Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had  something to drink!’  

Jim  says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel  and  get   buzz. You  wanna try it?’  

So  they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane  booze  and  get completely smashed. The  next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good  he  feels. In  fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side  effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.  Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel  this  morning?’

Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’

Jim  says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a  hangover?’  

Dave  says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover,  nothing.  We  ought to do this more often..’

‘ Yeah, well there’s just one  thing.’  

‘What’s  that?’

‘Have you farted yet?’

‘No.’

‘Well,  DON’T – cause I’m in New  Zealand!

funny Aussie jokes

Our next funny Aussie joke takes place at work. You’re going to love this one.

Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, ‘Someone should go and tell his wife.’
Jeff says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Ricky says, ‘Where did you get that, Jeff?’
‘Shane’s wife gave it to me.’

Ricky continues, ‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?’

‘Well not exactly,’ Jeff said. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Shane’s widow”.’
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’

And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are.’

Now, that’s a typical Aussie, will bet on almost anything.

Looking for more funny jokes? Check out my funny sports jokes.

 

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Senior Citizens Jokes Friday Funnies #162

This is my 162nd Friday Funnies post! I never thought I would be able to keep it going that long  :drunk_tb: Way back at Friday Funnies #111 I wrote a series of Elderly Jokes. I thought it was time to do another one but this time, for SEO reasons  :cheesey: I’m going to call it senior citizens jokes.

 Senior Citizen Jokes That Make You Laugh

Senior Citizen Joke #1:

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one gentleman, a senior citizen, already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

Senior Citizen Jokes

Created with the Logo Creator

Senior Citizen Joke #2:

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This  woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

I know they say priorities change when you become a senior citizen but come on, being able to drive is more important than sex!  :dont_know:

Senior Citizen Joke 2

Another great job by the Logo Creator

And finally, to finish off this weeks Friday Funnies I have one last senior citizen joke for you.

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

Now , before you ‘forget’, share them with your friends who you know could use a good laugh.  :thumbup_ee:

Want more laughs? Check out my funniest sports jokes.

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Old Ladies Funnies Friday Funnies #160

It’s still Friday morning and I’m just about to set off to work but before doing that I wanted to post this weeks Friday Funnies. The reason for that is so you guys have something to come to when you come home from a hard day at work. Todays Friday Funnies is about 5 old ladies.

5 Old Ladies

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH.

He says he to himself: “This dumb driver can be just as dangerous as those speeding wankers!”
So he
turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back…wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactlyAS I ALWAYS DO…Twenty-two kilometres an hour!”… The old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask…Is everyone in this car OK? These lovely old ladies seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t made a peep this whole time,” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189..”

That joke reminds me of a joke I did on YouTube. Nothing to do with old ladies but it does involve an old bloke.  :thumbup_ee:


After watching it again it actually does involve one old lady.  :smoke_tb:

Speaking of old ladies, looking at what some of these young women are up to these days you can just imagine what they’re all going to look like in their twilight years. I found this old ladies joke courtesy of a Google search.

old ladies in tattoos

That’s it for another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you liked it enough to share it with your mates. Don’t forget to have a great weekend.  :drunk_tb:

Don’t forget to check out my funny sports jokes.

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