Italian Joke Friday Funnies #136

I’ve had jokes on Friday Funnies targeting most races but probably none more than the Irish. It’s not my fault that I pick on the Irish thug. There’s just so many Irish jokes out there.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

I’m pretty sure I’ve included one or two Italian jokes. Just in case this Friday Funnies will have an Italian joke. Being of Italian heritage I think it’s only fair I include an Italian joke every now and again just to show there is no favouritism. :wink:

Italian Joke A Secret to a Long Marriage!

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church they have weekly husbands marriage seminars.Italian Joke Auntie Acid

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nice, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go pick her up.”

Well, I sure hope you liked that Italian joke.

Something I’ve learned about being on the Internet is that you have to be really careful about the stuff you post on sites like FaceBook. Once it goes live everybody can see it! I mean everybody and if you’re not careful it will end up biting you in the ass  :pretty_please:

FaceBook Heaven Joke

The following video is bloody hilarious. A REALLY GREAT ITALIAN JOKE. It’s in Italian but I’m sure you will get the gist of it. Just to help you out the man on the motor bike is asking the Italian farmer what time it is. The farmer lifts the donkeys balls and then tells the man the time. This happens a couple of times.

When the bloke on the motor bike comes back again he once again asks the time. He’s amazed that the farmer gets the time right to the minute by lifting the donkeys balls again. I’m sure you can work out the rest :wink_ee: :

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Heaven And Ireland Friday Funnies #135

This next joke isn’t really and Irish joke as such, although it apparently took place in an Irish school. It therefore involves a whole heap of Irish kids. One little boy in particular who would have to be an Irish version of Little Johnny.

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

(A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher)

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

‘I asked them, ‘ If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, the answer was ‘NO!’

‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, they all answered ‘NO!’

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’

A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’

You have to admit he has something there  :cool:

Funny joke

That’s it guys. I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies and that you have a really great weekend.

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The Dumb Irish Theory Friday Funnies #134

The reason I’ve written a lot of Friday Funnies posts about the Irish is because they’re bloody funny. The reason they’re so funny is because they usually depict the Irish as being dumb? The question is, is there anything to this dumb Irish theory? I don’t believe that anybody really believes in the dumb Irish theory. But that doesn’t make these jokes any less funny.

Today I got an Irish joke that probably dispels this dumb Irish theory.

Financial planning by not so dumb Irishman

Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.

In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The camel died.’

Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already spent it.’

Paddy said, ‘OK then, just bring me the dead camel.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Paddy said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle a dead camel!’

Paddy said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, ‘What happened with that dead camel?’

Paddy said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 each and made a profit of $898′

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Paddy said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.’

Paddy now works for the Commonwealth Bank.

dumb Irish

And that wraps up another Friday Funnies. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you next week.

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