G’day WassupBlog readers and welcome to this weeks Friday Funnies. For todays Friday Funnies I’m going to have another looks at some Funny Scottish jokes. I know we’ve tackled the Scottish before but they’re do bloody funny I’m sure you’d like a few more.
Scottish Jokes The Blood Donor
A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, in appreciation for giving his blood, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second nd surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money …
but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.”
To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.”
Come on! You just have to love that one.
Scottish Jokes The Scottish Jew
An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up lawn bowls, so he applied for membership at the local club.
After a week he received a message that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to ask why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish bowls club?
Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, McTavish.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that, too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus, but this is the first time I’ve heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a bowls club.
Finally, I’ve put together a funny Scottish Jokes Image!
I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies about Scottish Joke. I also hope that you help this post by sharing it with your friends.
For this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would post a few wife jokes. This first one is about your typical nagging wife.
Wife Jokes #1 The Nagging Wife
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning ’til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule.
He ploughed a lot……..
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag – it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head……..killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, ‘Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.’
‘And what about the men?’ the minister asked.
‘They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.’
After the joke about the Italian Funeral I kind of saw this coming but I laughed out loud all the same.
Then there is this particular wife jokes where a wife is being totally honest with her husband,
This next wife jokes is a killer! It’s about a wife who is home alone and is continually being harassed by a complete stranger.
Wife Jokes #2 Wife Home Alone
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I’ll take a sickie tomorrow, just incase this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.” She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks,
“Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
OK, now it’s over to you. Which joke did you like best? Don’t forget to share this weeks Wife Jokes with all your friends. Just use your favourite Social Media icon below.
There are so many blonde jokes out there I said to myself why not another blonde joke. I figured people out there loved blonde jokes and that being the case they deserved another blonde joke to make them laugh.
Another Blonde Joke To Make You Laugh
A contestant, Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover..
It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well, blonde. But she had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly : ‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
‘I need an answer,’ said Meredith.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’
‘Is that your final answer?’
‘Yes, that is my final answer.’
And Meredith replied, ‘That answer is…. Absolutely correct!
You are now a millionaire!’
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
‘Joni, I just do not know how to thank you,’ said the contestant.
‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’
‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde…
‘Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.’
Of course what’s the point of having another blonde joke if we didn’t get Sexy Sal to make another blonde joke contribution.
And to top off this weeks Friday Funnies I have another blonde joke from Sexy Sal and her mate.
And so ends another Friday Funnies. Sure hope you got a kick out of it. I know I did. Don’t forget to brighten up a friends day by sharing this joke with them. You’ll find the social media icons at the bottom and on the side of this post.
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