Funny Posts Archives

Marriage Humor Friday Funnies #102

Hey guys, welcome to this weeks Friday Funnies. I thought this week that I would focus a bit on marriage humor. This first marriage humor joke is about an old couple who try to relive an old sexual encounter they had many years ago.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, ‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’

Yes, she says, ‘I remember it well.’

OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman Read the rest of this entry

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The Golden Years Friday Funnies #101

Friday Funnies has been around for quite some time now. Last week was it’s 100th post which means its been around for nearly two years. That’s pretty damn good! In that time I’ve introduced you to Sexy Sals Blonde Jokes, a whole heap of Irish Jokes as well as quite a few jokes about not trying to pull one over on the older population. This is because one expects those who’ve reached the golden years to have amassed a bit more experience than the younger crowd.

While that is true this next joke shows you how sometimes having reached those ‘golden years‘ can sometimes lead to awkward situations.

The Golden Years Situation

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat-down.I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right.

The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all,”Honey,” I stammered; ( I always call him “honey” in times like these.) “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.” Read the rest of this entry

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Crocodile Friday Funnies #100

I don’t believe it. This is Friday Funnies 100th post. That is pretty bloody amazing. I never dreamed I could keep it going that long. Before I get into this weeks Friday Funnies, which focuses on a few crocodile jokes, I want to apologise to everyone for missing out on last weeks Friday Funnies. Unfortunately I had a lot on my plate and just didn’t have time to write a post. Hopefully todays crocodile jokes will make up for it.

A Blonde’s Crocodile Shoes

A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home
a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free”.

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, just go and give it a try”!

The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young blonde woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand. Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. Read the rest of this entry

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