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Funny Stories For Friday Funnies #204


Friday Funnies just funny storiesFunny Stories for Friday Funnies. Yep, it’s time for Friday Funnies again and I’m hoping you’re as exited about this weeks Friday Funnies as Jumping Jack over there on the left.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

I thought that for today’s Friday Funnies I’ll just shower you with a few Funny Stories.

Just Funny Stories

The first of my funny stories is about this woman that lives in Queensland.

The woman who was applying for a job in a lemon orchard in Country Queensland, seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her arts and education degrees from Melbourne University and her job as a social worker and a teacher at the local TAFE college.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this: “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have!” “I’ve been divorced three times, owned a Ford station wagon and a Leyland P76. I also supported  the Collingwood football club for the last 4 years, voted for Julia Gillard and bought shares in Dick Smith.” I think I’m more than qualified for picking lemons.

Yep, I think with stats like that the woman knows exactly what she’s talking about.  :cool:

The next story is about a fighter pilot who has a really positive attitude.

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.
He was in a hospital, in agonizing pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and an absolutely stunning, gorgeous and incredibly sexy nurse hovering over him. He realized that he was obviously in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was a fighter pilot, she spoke to him softly, slowly and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

And that, my friend, is a REALLY POSITIVE ATTITUDE!  :clap:

I found the image below amusing as well as bloody ingenious! Imagine the guest coming to your Bar-B- Q and seeing you cook some chops on you latest invention.  :crazy_man:

Funny stories

Looking for more jokes? Why not check out some of the previous Friday Funnies or head on over and check out some of my funny sports Jokes.

 

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Irish Blonde Joke Friday Funnies #203


Yep, it’s Friday Funnies time again and I’m about to thrill you with an Irish Blonde joke. We all know that people love to laugh at the Irish. We also know they love laughing at blonde jokes, so when I found an Irish blonde joke I knew it would be a hit.

Irish Blonde Joke At The Casino

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrives at the casino and bets twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.’

With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’

As the dice came to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals ‘YES, YES, I WON, I WON!’

She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings, her clothes and quickly leaves the Casino. The dealers are left staring at each other, completely dumb founded.

Finally, one of them asks, ‘What the hell did she roll?’ The other answers, ‘Stuffed if I know, I thought you were watching.’

Of course there is a moral to this story. Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb. But men are men and it just takes a couple of bouncing tits to distract the hell out of them.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

Come on you gals, I know you liked this joke, so why not share it with your friends and make their day.  :smoke_tb:

OK, put your thinking cap for this next blonde Joke.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

‘How did this happen?’ asks the emergency room doctor.

‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.

‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’

‘No, silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my chest, &  then I thought, ‘I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants! No way I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’

‘What then?’ asked the doctor.

‘As I put the gun in my mouth I thought, ‘It cost me $3,000 to get my teeth straightened so I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’

‘So the you shot yourself in the finger?’

‘Nope, I had just put the gun to my ear, when I thought, ‘Man, this is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

OK, think about it for a minute and I’m sure you’ll get the funny side of that blonde joke. :wink_ee:

Finally, I’ve managed to get Sexy Sal to contribute one of her Sexy Sal’s blonde jokes.

Sexy Sals Irish blonde joke

Don’t forget to check out my sports jokes if you’re looking for more laughs.

So, which was your favouriteIrish Blonde joke

 

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Dating In The 60’s Friday Funnies #202

As Friday rocks up once again it’s time for me to entertain you with another Friday Funnies. Today’s Friday Funnies takes us back to the sixties. We’ve probably have all had that awkward moment when picking up a girl for a date only to get the third degree from the mother. Well, I think you will find this Dating In The 60’s story pretty funny.

Dating In The 60’s Bad Advice

It   was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and James had a date  with Annabella.dating in the 60's
He  arrived at her house and rang the bell…

‘Oh,  come on in!’ Annabella’s mother said as she welcomed James.  ‘Have  a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to  drink? Lemonade?  Tea?’

‘Tea,  please,’ James said. Mum  brought the tea.

‘So, what are you and Annabella planning to do  tonight?’ she asked interestedly.

‘Oh,  probably go to the flicks  and then maybe  grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk  on the beach afterwards.’

‘Annabella  likes to screw, you know,’  Mum informed him.

‘Really?’ James gasped, surprised to say the least.

‘Oh yes,’ mother continued, ‘When she goes out with her friends,  that’s all they do!’

‘Is that so?’ asked James,  incredulously.

‘Oh  yes,’she said.

‘As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we let  her!’

‘Phew!  Well, thanks for the tip!’ James  said as he  began thinking about alternative plans for  the evening.

A moment  later, Annabella  came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture,  wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy  ponytail. She greeted James..

‘Have fun, kids!’ mother said as  they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella  burst into the house and slammed the front door behind  her.

The Twist, Mum!’  she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.  ‘The  bloody dance is called the . . .. Twist!’

Wanting more laughs? Check out my sports jokes.

 

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