American In China Friday Funnies #155

Hey guys, welcome to another Friday Funnies. I like to think that every joke I publish on Friday Funnies is a great one. Still, every now and again, I come across one that is so funny it just makes me really laugh out loud. The one you are about to read now is one of those so hang onto your seat so that you don’t fall off laughing.  :cool:

It’s all about an American in China who likes getting his rocks off without using protection. I’m sure though that this dilemma affects so many more nationalities and not just one particular American in China.

Exploits Of An American In China

While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US; we know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.

Vewy ware disease.”

The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”

“Oh, thank Goodness!” the man exclaims.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Fawl off by itself!”

And the moral of this story of course is to always wear protection because you don’t want to go through what that American in China did :wink:

Sexy Sals blond joke found on an  American In China

That’s it guys, sure hope you enjoyed it. If you’re looking for more laughs have a read of my latest sports joke.

 

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Old Folks Jokes Friday Funnies #154

Hey Friday Funnies fans. I’ve had a really busy week and I have to work the weekend, but even so I enjoyed writing this weeks Friday Funnies post for you. Sure hope you like it.

The Following are a couple of funny old folks jokes. The first one is of some guy visiting a new GP.

Old Folk Jokes At The GP

I recently picked a new G.P. doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (yeah I just reached 65).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’

He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

‘Oh not much grog these days and don’t smoke’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs?

‘I said, ‘Not much…. my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?’

‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?’

‘No,’ I said…

He looked at me and said, ‘Then, why the **** do you want to live to 85?

old folks jokes

The second old folks jokes about this woman who is celebrating her 80th birthday.

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says’I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’

The bartender says ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’

The old woman says ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming up’ says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’

The old woman says ‘Thank you.. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’

‘Coming right up’ the bartender says. As he gives her the drink,he says ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’

The old woman replies ‘Sonny, when you’re my age, You’ve learned how to hold your liquor…
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

I hope you liked this weeks Friday Funnies. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back for the next Friday Funnies post.

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Hey guys welcome to this weeks Friday Funnies. Technically it’s Saturday over here Down Under but I post this with the knowledge that its Friday somewhere out there.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

This weeks Friday Funnies is all about beautiful women and how they can get us blokes into trouble.

Beautiful Women Getting Men In Trouble

Please hold my e-mails for a while. I am in hospital. I was badly attacked by a woman in an elevator. A witness got her photo. See below. figer down big1

beautiful women

I was in the elevator when she got in. I was casually staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press “1”?”

I did…and I don’t remember much afterwards, but I guess I pushed the wrong one!

 I May be out of the hospital in a few days.

 What makes this especially funny for me is that it actually happened to a friend of mine some time again. He was waking into a supermarket when he almost bumped into one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Not only was she beautiful but she had this huge set of tits. The way he explained it to me was he was just staring at them and thinking to himself, “Are they for real?” The problem was he was actually thinking out loud and this busty beautiful woman didn’t appreciate it one little bit and slapped him.  :lol_tb:  

The next image shows you just how much women differ from men in the way they think. This is for all women, it doesn’t matter if they’re beautiful women or just plain Jane.

how beautiful women think

There are two main differences and one similarity. The main difference is the woman’s poem is wordy where the man’s is short and to the point. They’re similar in that they’re both highly unlikely to occur.

That’s it for another Friday Funnies. I sure hope you enjoyed it. Perhaps enough to share it with your social media friends. :wink_ee:

Do you like sports jokes? If you do you should check out Ez eSports Betting Sports Jokes.

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