Drunk Wife Joke

Usually when people get drunk they can do the craziest things. Sometimes their escapades can be really funny. This is exactly why women should avoid a girls night out after they are married….
If this doesn’t make you laugh out loud, you’ve lost your sense of humour. It’s all about the antics of a drunk wife’s antics after a girl’s night out.

Drunk Wife Joke

The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls’. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.  Around 3 am, a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed…. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos total 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in?

I told him’MIDNIGHT’… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock!’

When I asked him why, he said,

‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”  :drunk_tb:

drunk wife joke

Keeping with the drunk wife theme, a wife being a woman and all, I put the next drunk woman joke together using the Logo Creator.

drunk woman joke

And so ends another Friday funnies. Just a word of warning to those of you who are just about to reach the drinking age. Getting drunk to the point where you don’t remember what you did the night before is a waste of time and money. Honestly, how can you know you had a good time when you have no memory of it?

Want more jokes? Why not check out my funny sports jokes.

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A Husbands Forgetfulness Friday Funnies #171

Husbands are renown for forgetting stuff like anniversaries, birthdays and the like. Some, like this weeks Friday Funnies may have a hard time remembering certain aspects of their wife’s appearance.

Husband Forgetfulness

Husband Reports Missing Wife

A husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing.

  Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

  Sergeant: What is her height?

  Husband: Gee, I’m not sure, a little over five-feet tall.

  Sergeant: Weight?

  Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

  Sergeant: Colour of Eyes?

  Husband: Never noticed.

  Sergeant: Colour of hair?

  Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

  Sergeant: What was she wearing?

  Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

  Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

  Husband: She went in my truck.

  Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new Toyota Hilux 4×4 Four cylinders, in-line, belt-driven DOHC, aluminium alloy head. 17″ alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Chrome side bars with integrated steps. Custom leather seats and fluffy steering wheel cover. 18 disc CD changer and 21 channel CB. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

 At the point the husband started choking up.

 Sergeant: Don’t worry mate, we’ll find your truck. 

 I’m sure this is an American joke because we sure as hell don’t call trucks over here in Aus! Our Trucks are a hell of a lot bigger. :tongue_laugh_ee:  

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More Irish Jokes Friday Funnies #171

It Friday Funnies time again and I’m going to give you some more Irish Jokes. I know I’ve written a lot of posts about the Irish but they’re funny, people like them and so I’m all for sharing even more Irish Jokes.

More Irish Jokes To Make You Laugh

 Paddy Murphy walks into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.

“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.

“That little shit, O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?”

“That I did,” said Paddy. “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but bloody useless in a fight.”  :lol_tb:  

Pretty funny huh? How about some more Irish Jokes?

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Man, you just have to love the Irish!  :drunk_tb:

What’s that? You want even more Irish Jokes?  :tongue_laugh_ee:

more irish jokes

And so ends another Friday Funnies. I hope the ‘More Irish Jokes’ put a smile on your face. Don’t forget to have a great weekend and to share this with your social media friends.

Want even more jokes? Visit my sports jokes, especially the Funny Sports Joke post which has become really popular.

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