Yep, it’s time for another Friday Funnies, Friday Funnies #201. For todays Friday Funnies I thought I would do something completely different, traffic controller funnies. That is funny stuff that happens in the life of air traffic controllers.

traffic controller funniesAir Traffic Controller To Pilot

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

Bob was riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled: “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!”

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”.

He began his series of questions:

Tower : ” How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter Dial in front of me.”

Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”

Aircraft: “The crap in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”

I just did not expect that and I totally understand how that bloke must have felt. I can also imagine the air traffic controller rolling on the floor laughing.  :lol_tb:

I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to share it with your friends to brighten their day. Also, if you’re looking for more jokes there’s always my sports jokes  :thumbup_ee:

 

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Ranch Jokes Friday Funnies #200

Ranch Jokes that make people laugh. I came across some of these ranch jokes in my email the other day and they got me laughing so loudly that I had to include them in this weeks Friday Funnies. Seeing as how todays Friday Funnies is the 200th post of Friday Funnies I wanted it to be especially funny. I hope you find these ranch jokes as funny as I did.

A Female Ranch Jokes That Will Floor You

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick  your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

For our second ranch joke I thought it only fitting that Sexy Sals thrills us with another of her hilarious blonde jokes.

ranch jokes Sexy Sals blonde jokes

Next we go to Montana for our final ranch jokes.

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana.  The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the agent.

‘Well,’ replied old John, ‘There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.’

‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,’ says the agent.

‘That would be me,’ replied old rancher John.

Don’t be shy now, leave a comment telling us which of the jokes was your favourite.

I hope you enjoyed this weeks Friday Funnies. Don’t forget to have a great weekend and to visit my sports jokes category for more funny jokes

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Unreal Expectations Friday Funnies #199

I’ve found in  life that having unreal expectations can be very frustration and sometimes can be quite upsetting. I remember one day going to work with the unreal expectation of finding that everything would be done. Unfortunately it wasn’t and I was pretty pissed for most of the day. I’ve now learned not to have any expectation at all let alone unreal expectations and I’ve been a lot better since.

I realise this post is a Friday Funnies post and the following story of unreal expectations has what I believe is a funny ending. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did?

The Funny Side Of Unreal Expectations

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday.’

I thought…. Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids…. they will remember. My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, ‘Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday! ‘ It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..’

I said, ‘Thanks, Rick, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Rick said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?’

I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’

He said, ‘Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner.’

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’

‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake . Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

And I just sat there….On the couch….Naked.

See, everyone in that room had unreal expectations and they were all surprised by the actual outcome.

Moral of this story is not to have unreal expectations, but of course, you all got that right?

unreal expectations

Image thanks to The Creator

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to visit my sports jokes category.

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About Peter Pelliccia"