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All About Balance Humour Friday Funnies #230

In life a lot of things have to do with balance. I found this story about balance to be really funny.

Balance In The Creation Of The World

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired,  — “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,—-  “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,   —- “What is it?”

It’s a planet,”  — replied God,   — and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test ‘Balance.‘”

Balance?” —   inquired Michael, —- “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

For example,northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things...”

God continued pointing to different countries.  —  “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said,   —  “What’s that one?”

That’s the Sunshine Coast, Australia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from the Sunshine Coast are going to be handsome,
modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.  They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked,   —  “But what about balance, God? You said there would be ‘balance.‘”

God smiled,  — “I will create Canberra, Wait till you see the idiots I’ll put there.”

Most Aussies would understand that joke. If you’re not an Aussie and don’t get it just leave me a comment  :tongue_laugh_ee:  all about balance

I’m sure a lot of women out there would love to see a lot more balance in the world. I could just imagine some of the changes they would make if they were in charge of the world. Like that image over there on the left for example.

This reminds me of a post I did ages ago, way back in 2010, called If Women Controlled The Earth.

To keep with the theme about balance I thought I would use the Creator to make my own little image.

about balance

Finally, one last image from The Creator :wink_ee:

balance sucks

Remember, caring is sharing.  :smile:

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Mule Trading Friday Funnies #228

Mule Trading Joke

mule trading

Like all my Friday Funnies I got this one in a email. I thought it was pretty funny. I hope you like it.

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville, MS Daily and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Curtis & Leroy replied, Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Leroy said, “We sure can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.  “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

 They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.”

The farmer said, “My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They’re overseeing the Medicare and Social Security Programs.

I hope you liked the mule trading joke. Don’t forget to share it with your mates.

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Funny Shit To Make You Laugh Friday Funnies #227

In case you’re wondering why I’ve called this post funny shit is because it’s just another keyword that I’m targeting. Some of you may think I’m crazy because it may piss Google off! Well, as this Too Sexy For Google post will tell you, I now longer care about the Google moral police.

So, in the hope that there are people out there searching for funny shit I’ve decided to call Friday Funnies #227 Funny Shit To Make You Laugh!

Some Funny Shit To Make You Laugh

Have you ever wondered why it’s just not smart to give women shit? I think William Golding said it best when he said….

funny shit to make you laugh

Do you remember the old saying, If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Well, I found a completely different way to look at it.  :tongue_laugh_ee:

more funny shit to make you laugh

Then there’s this image of some funny shit at the Rio Olympics because of the Russian Olympic team.

funny shit Rio Olympics

Here’s something I put together with help from The Creator.

more really funny shit

To continue with some more really funny shit I’ve included something that may well have taken place in a mortuary.

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.  The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.  “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.

“Thought he was having his picture taken.”

Yeah, it just happened to be an Irishman didn’t it.  :smoke_tb:

 

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Some Irish Humour Friday Funnies #226

Irish Humour In Jamaica

A married Irish couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’
So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, ‘I’ ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.’

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The irishman asked the man, ‘How could sandals make you a sex God?’

The Jamaican replied, ‘Just try dem on, Mon.’

Well, theirishman, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen before!!

In the blink of an eye, the Irishman grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming in panic:\ ‘You got dam on de wrong feet!’

Irish Humour In Dublin The Doctor Is In

A doctor in Dublin? Wanted to get off work, so he approached his assistant? ? “Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir” says Murphy.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!’

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.”And sent her to Spec savers.

Just to finish off I’ve put something together using The Creator.

Wussups Irish Humour

Continue here…

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